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Difference between a narc break up and a normal break up..
Bella10
Member since:
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1 year 20 weeks
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7 weeks 6 days
Difference between a narc break up and a normal break up..
Posted April 20, 2012 - 9:23pm
How is a break up from a "normal" relationship different to that of a narc relayionship? I am in my 40's and only had one other relationship before hooking up with my husband. Funny when I met narc, He knew I was in a relationship, but that did not deter him in any way. He honed in immediately and I took the bait. I guess it"s the same now. He knew his OW was married as well. She took the bait too.
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The difference is..
April 25, 2012 - 1:12pm — Dee30There is no closure.
Why a Narc Break-UP isn't like a Normal Break-UP
April 22, 2012 - 8:56am — Monarchi just read the following from http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2011/12/feel-like-spilling-your-guts-to..... It explained a lot: "There is a huge distinction between normal narcissism and pathological and one of the differences is introspection. When people who naturally introspect realize they have contributed to problems in the relationship, they take responsibility for themselves and alter their behavior." Narcs don't have introspection or EVER take responsibility for anything. So in a break-up (which really isn't one because nothing ever is resolved and ended with them), everything is your fault because there is NOTHING ever wrong with them. You're the crazy one. Projection..always projection.
No closure...
April 26, 2012 - 9:19am — c_jenningsis so correct...mine never hoovered instead he just closed the chapter/door and never looked back...erased it from his mind...we have kids together and sometimes i think he has himself believing they just suddenly appeared and had nothing to do with me..lol
At one point he told me "you are ALL wrong, this is ALL wrong." oh ok? i was stupid enough to try to change ALL of me until i wised up and realized this was insane...
emotional unpaid debt...gotta just write that one off....
monarch
April 25, 2012 - 4:51pm — onwithmylifethanks for the good read, so true, the narc even declared in a letter to me last fall that the demise of our relationship was ALL my fault, hardly, and he did use anything i said to him in confidence early on, as ammo against me, he is a disgusting piece of crap.............they do all in their power to deflect looking within themselves, their whole pathetic life is one big smear tactic to never look within themselves.............
Things not People
April 21, 2012 - 5:33pm — Blue MoonAnd the difference is also that they deal with you as a THING not a person. Normal people are horrified and confused by this.
omg i have just found out
April 21, 2012 - 4:29pm — abusednomoreomg i have just found out that the OW my exnarc left me for was married too and 11 years younger than him. Do they go for married women cos they r a challenge and they feel a sense of accomplishment when they have snared her?
I happened upon some photos of the OW today and OMG!!!!! she was married to a lot older man and i can see why she maybe had the attraction towards my exnarc and then a few months before he left me she had posted some pics of her in compromising positions, (fully clothed) but when i found out about her i couldnt see why he would go for, (she looks like a horse!!!!!) but after seeing these pics i can understand that she was a challenge and she was already insinuating the perverted sex that he likes. When i met him he said he wanted to be with me cos my facebook profile pic was a pic of me with my friend and i was sticking my tongue out!!!!! eurgh, it makes me gip now thinking that he preys on women like that!!!!
I do wonder how much longer that will last tho, he left me in July 2011 and got engaged to her in October but i didnt find out about her until November, all this while i was still living in the house we owned together and I have since moved out but we are still only contacting via solicitors about the money he owes. I am secretly hopin for the day when the "relationship" will end! know thats wrong!!!!xxxx
Breaking up with a NARC-PSYCHO is like
April 21, 2012 - 2:01pm — Trainwreck56walking out of the "Twilight Zone"!
Never in my 56 years have I ever had the array of emotional
TURMOIL that I am experiencing now... with any man, EVER!
For that matter, any other HUMAN on the face of he earth!
UNREAL!
NC
TE
All the responses below are
April 21, 2012 - 11:27am — MonarchAll the responses below are awesome. I would have to add that it was different for me in that he has never and will never give me closure. I thought this guy was the love of my life and I thought he thought I was the love of his. But there has never been any closure after 20 years of a roller coaster of a few extreme highs and many, many severe lows. I have been through several normal break-ups, but nothing like this. Normal break-ups are hard and sad, but they don't destroy. You just cut your losses and move on. Normal break-ups don't leave you in a fog of despair and constant doubt and confusion. In a normal break-up, you're allowed to express your feelings and say, that is that.
The difference is: One is a
April 21, 2012 - 3:59am — bgirlThe difference is:
One is a disordered pathological and one is not.
See below:
path·o·log·i·cal [path-uh-loj-i-kuhl]
adjective
1.
of or pertaining to pathology.
2.
caused by or involving disease; morbid.
3.
caused by or evidencing a mentally disturbed condition: a pathological hoarder.
4.
dealing with diseases: a pathological casebook.
It's no wonder it is different/confusing/debilitating/traumatic....
PATHOLOGICAL RELATIONSHIP = INEVITABLE HARM = 100% OF ALL CASES.
X
B
I am AMAZED that you folks
April 21, 2012 - 3:12am — freakedI am AMAZED that you folks got a 'break up' from a narc in the first place in any which way. LUCKY GALS...'swat yu are if you managed to get a narc off your back.
maybe ya'll are younger... and yur narc managed to find some new victim? wish me luck........ wish me escape from the Dragon&Dungeon.
I am STEWING here in this melting pot... wondering how the in the hecks can i manage to throw this ghoul off my back????
I've been RUDE, DISMISSING, IGNORING, COLD, CHILL, FROZEN to Mr Hyde but, he relentlessly continues sitting in sid sad corner watching tv instead of contacting the divorce lawyer.
shucks.
Btw, since yr 2001, at least on 30 occasions I have TOLD the NH that I want OUT....BEGGED FOR OUT, PLEADED FOR OUT, SHOUTED FOR OUT....AND......I have failed in achiving the EXIT.
my kid is advising me to tell NH that I am simply mesmerised by his scintillating presence...and am hoping he never leaves me ;)
a narc does the precise opposite of whatever we say.
problem is.......... i cannot get myself to say these niceity lies. NH is UGH.
bloody braggart. megalomania. deranged. out of his eff'n mind(as if he had a mind at all in da first place!)
Showtime Folkz.....Weekend in full swing...maniac festers in the house... and I am losing my mind
Try asking him
April 21, 2012 - 11:32am — wshfor "marriage counceling" - THAT SHOULD GET HIM RUNNING!
Break up with a narc = break
April 21, 2012 - 1:35am — RenegadeBreak up with a narc = break up with a lizard
it remind me of a
April 21, 2012 - 12:59pm — toomuchit reminds me of a relationship I had with a boy in grade 8.... I found out he had dumped me and was now going out with my friend.... not from him but from her!
I remember going up to him and saying " well you could at least tell me that we are broke up before you go out with someone else!"
The difference being that the NARC just about ruined my life ... he tried to destroy my family and me just because he wanted to control me .... everything that had happened destroyed his loved ones and mine but - he was the only one that mattered and then...SILENCE...
at least I got closure from the kid in grade 8 but the COWARD NARC could not do the same FUCK HIM!!! I hate these morons... seriously I hate them!!!
I agree with all of you. It
April 21, 2012 - 12:01am — MissKI agree with all of you. It is a terrible thing to say you cannot take it anymore, hoping they will want to fight for you. You just get blamed again. No remorse just a smug, arrogant smile. I hope that memory fades soon.
I hope will all stay strong and move on. Forgive them and break the emotionally connection. They have not got you anymore. Their loss.!
And there is something about
April 20, 2012 - 11:20pm — uncomfortablynumbAnd there is something about the narc breakup that really stings...i've been through some pretty sad breakups, but never the abrupt, cold toss-out like the last narc..even if you play it right and eventually get your say, they still make sure there is no understanding or accountability on their part..the need to know you meant at least SOMETHING at SOME time is not fulfilled...leaves a big raw gaping wound..this last relationship was not my most significant by a long shot, but never have i been on such a roller coaster or felt so betrayed, used, duped...it messes with your total sense of self..getting back into the game has never been this difficult..I dont know whether to wish I had never met this person, or to be grateful for the experience for pushing me to play the dating game on a fully conscious level for now on...and I'm 39
exactly
April 21, 2012 - 5:31pm — Blue MoonUncomfortably Numb,
It's just as you say...roler coaster then abrupt cold toss-out. It does mess with your sense of self because the way they deal with you is inhumane and damaging. It can be traumatic. To add to this their reasoning is convoluted and they do not make sense. They leave you untying a big ball of knots and wondering what just hit you. Yep, that's the difference.
In a normal break up both
April 20, 2012 - 11:22pm — uncomfortablynumbIn a normal break up both parties feel bad about it...in a narc breakup only you feel bad...and like I said...the bad STINGS...it's like you have to take on the bad feeling for 2 people all on your own...sheer agony at the beginning...
I think the difference is,
April 20, 2012 - 9:46pm — ruby01In a normal relationship there were 2 adults involved, rather than one adult and a toddler.
You should be able, if not immediately, within a few weeks to sit down and express your feelings, so that neither party is left with unanswered questions. There is closure.
With a PD, both maintaining the relationship and processing the breakup are solely up to the individual that was victimized. There is no communication that would facilitate closure.