deadenddreamer's story

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#1 Apr 20 - 12PM
deadenddreamer
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deadenddreamer's story

Just Young & Immature?

I guess my story isn't all that different for anyone elses. I was married for 6 years (in a relationship for 12 years) to man who towards the end became very controlling he was not an "N" but he wanted a certain life and wanted his wife & child to act a certain way. I considered myself strong, I seperated from him shortly after I filed for divorce I met the Narcissist...some background on him, he has 2 kids with 2 different women 3 months apart so while he was with xgf1 he cheated and got soon to be xgf2 pregnant. When I met he he said that he and xgf2 were over that he was sleeping on the couch - he refered to both women as "crazy" to which I feel for. I considered him a "player" I guess - he is 25 I am 31 - but he said all he really wanted in life was a family...then he said he wanted "friends with benefits" - I told him I couldn't do that, and then he pushed for a relationship. He was everything my ex-husband wasn't and for the first time I felt wanted, I felt like he saw me, accepted me just as I was and he said he loved me that he wanted to marry me once the divoce was finalized (I had the papers) and for almost a year everything was great...but then slowing things changed he grew distant and I tried harder to be "perfect", but always came up short. He would disappear for a few days or we would fight and he would say he couldn't be with me it was too much stress. But within a few days he would call or text that he missed me that he loved me and wanted to be "us" again. He told me he had a hard time letting people in (I figured it was because he had been hurt in the past), he used a lot of guilt "I'm a Piece of S*it, you deserve better than me, you could have any guy you want why me?" I bought into it fed his ego. It wasn't until I did something I swore I never would - I went through his phone, I found text messages to several girls...talking about cuddling and seeing them wet. One girl referred to herself as his better half. I confronted him, he said that we were rocky and he was afraid to be alone that he really didn't want to be with them. He said he would no longer have contact with them. He became more demanding with what he wanted sexually said he never "experimented" and that he trusted me to try things, againg I bought into thinking that would help us become closer (I had only ever been with my ex-husband). Even then he became more secretive, what he called pushing me away (silent treatment or standing me up), then new years eve he told a mutual friend that he was with this other woman and that he and I were over - I didn't even know. This whole time he was in between jobs, I paid for his cell phone, gave him money for rent and a car...he used me I guess.
A few weeks later he came around again-I told him he should go be with her if that's what he wanted he said he only wanted me, and that yes he started to develop feelings for her and called it off- because I was who he wanted to be with. But we never went out together after that he would tell me "oh your tired I'll go have a couple beers with so & so and be back)- he told me he wanted the old me back that was confident and didn't care what others thought (that was never me) but I tried to be that person, he told me to text him sexual things to show him I wanted him, that if I had red hair I'd be sexier- he was rough with me in bed and would leave bite marks saying I liked them.

I found out the OW was gone for 7 months to bootcamp-he posted on his FB "7 months and my life will be back where I want it to be" he tried to tell me that was related to getting back on his feet, deep down I knew it was for her- he said that he loved me wanted to be with me that he was wrong he knew he hurt me, but I couldn't bring myself to fully trust him. He would throw it in my face that we shouldn't be together if I couldn't trust him so I tried.
I am no longer linked to him but he and her are "friends" - she is supposed to come back in June and I wonder if they will be able to make the relationship work. He was with me while with her using us both, but he stated the "life he wants" which makes me feel even more worthless.

I found him on sex sites (he took pictures of himself in MY bathroom and posted them on these & dating sites)- he brushed it off as no big deal, he said, I'm on like 75 of those sites- he said it was no big deal. His ex told me he confessed to her he was a sex addict.

In the end I told him I would not compete with other women for him he wants them he can have them. I went a week without talking to him, he promised to let go of the need for other girls...he said he couldn't imagine me with anyone else and can't stand that he hurt me, he said he felt the world getting dark and maybe it was best if he just ended his life...Yep, I'm a sucker cause he came over-I tried to be a friend...he left within a hour he had an emergency with a female friend. He texted me shortly after stating, he would never be able to be close with someone and let someone in, that he just wanted us to be friends. That was two weeks ago he texted last Monday asking me not to ignore him and sent some sexual pictures...who does that to a friend??? I haven't heard anything since so almost 3 weeks since I saw him and going on 2 N/C.

I am struggling I have never experienced anything like this and not sure if I am labling him to help myself, but I don't understand what happened the promises all the sweet words and then it was like I never mattered he just grew cold and indifferent, but then would say sweet things and use guilt. Now she returns in June and they will get to live the happy life he promised me.

Maybe I am defective that I am crazy like he told his family after he broke up with me. I know no one can diagnose him but is he just immature and "confused" or is he an "N" - His dad is very abusive and he tries to compete and get his father's approval - his mom tries to hold her ground but caters to him above all.

I posted most of this on the steps 1-3 form. But I added more in hopes to clear my head. and also because a lot of the women who talk about their ex's are men who are older in their 40's. My family always says I bring home stray dogs - wanting to help them, save them, I carry the worlds problems and try to solve them which is impossible.

Apr 25 - 11PM
courlie
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To be honest, he sounds like