I have been NC on and off with my EN and I finally decided it's either going to be my sanity and life or him. I chose to move forward, but in the last 3-4 days, I've been feeling intense anxiety. I am ok during the day when I keep myself busy with work but then when I sleep I wake up in the night with my heart racing, shivering, feeling like there's tightness in my chest and it's been really frightening. Last night it felt really bad that I actually woke up some family members.
I have been living healthy and natural and have not taken any Meds in years. I only recently started taking an iron supplement and that's the only pill I've had in a loooong time, Last night though and today I did take a xanax. It seemed to help a bit but I feel guilty for taking it when I have set out on a more healthy and natural life.
I was in a relationship with the disordered for more than 3.5 years and being with him was good at first then turned into hell. manipulation, devaluing, episodes of idealization and discard like no other. mental, financial, physical and emotional abuse, the list just goes on! throughout this, I was alienated from family and friends without any support and I feel like perhaps I kept too much to myself and it's finally coming out, but it's coming out in an intense way. Today I told my mother for the first time some of the things I endured and she was shocked! the amount of pain and abuse. I felt a bit embarrassed to tell her because she always thought of me as an independent strong woman and now to see me break down like this...
I wanted to ask you all if you think it's normal to experience such anxiety even after removing yourself from the abuser. It's really frightening and I hope it won't last long as I started thinking that life would be unbearable if it kept going on like this, I feel like my head in a fog and my chest is heavy and I'm really hopeful that it will pass. Please let me know what you think and if you know of some natural approaches that could help.