Anxiety and Panic Attacks after breaking away from the N

this shall pass

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Last activity:
14 weeks 5 days

Posted April 19, 2012 - 1:07pm

I have been NC on and off with my EN and I finally decided it's either going to be my sanity and life or him. I chose to move forward, but in the last 3-4 days, I've been feeling intense anxiety. I am ok during the day when I keep myself busy with work but then when I sleep I wake up in the night with my heart racing, shivering, feeling like there's tightness in my chest and it's been really frightening. Last night it felt really bad that I actually woke up some family members.

I have been living healthy and natural and have not taken any Meds in years. I only recently started taking an iron supplement and that's the only pill I've had in a loooong time, Last night though and today I did take a xanax. It seemed to help a bit but I feel guilty for taking it when I have set out on a more healthy and natural life.

I was in a relationship with the disordered for more than 3.5 years and being with him was good at first then turned into hell. manipulation, devaluing, episodes of idealization and discard like no other. mental, financial, physical and emotional abuse, the list just goes on! throughout this, I was alienated from family and friends without any support and I feel like perhaps I kept too much to myself and it's finally coming out, but it's coming out in an intense way. Today I told my mother for the first time some of the things I endured and she was shocked! the amount of pain and abuse. I felt a bit embarrassed to tell her because she always thought of me as an independent strong woman and now to see me break down like this...

I wanted to ask you all if you think it's normal to experience such anxiety even after removing yourself from the abuser. It's really frightening and I hope it won't last long as I started thinking that life would be unbearable if it kept going on like this, I feel like my head in a fog and my chest is heavy and I'm really hopeful that it will pass. Please let me know what you think and if you know of some natural approaches that could help.

I'm a man in my late 50's and

April 26, 2012 - 2:08am — Done sourcing

I'm a man in my late 50's and I experienced very similar symptoms after being d and d'd by my then wife. Breathing with the belly slowly keeps the hyperventilating away, and without that you can't have panic. Exercise is essential to eat away the stress and keep the metabolism moving.

Less coffee and soda if you do that helps also. This is a sign that you kept crap stuffed, and it can now come out. Worry not, for you are on the mend. I promise it gets better!

I did experience some anxiety

April 22, 2012 - 9:26pm — Im_always_fine

I did experience some anxiety and even some full blown panck attacks. But mostly when I was relaxing. The panick seemed to come from suddenly subconsciously remembering that I forgot to keep me guard up and protect myself. It's a survival instinct...fear in response to danger.

I know myself well enough to know that I am DECOMPRESSING. I've been living in hyper vigilance for 6 years. Walking on egg shells. I can feel my energetic level returning to normal.

It's like I've been flying in the eye of the storm but have to pass back through the turbulence to get out and away from it to clear skies.

As I am consciously taking control of my "calming" through deliberate relaxation, meditation, purposeful quietness the attacks have subsided for the most part.

I know I have been wound up extremely tight...returning to state of balance and calmness takes me back through the anxiety to the other side of it.

Decompressing

April 25, 2012 - 9:04pm — abreva

I think DECOMPRESSING is an excellent word to describe the process.

I'm always fine

April 23, 2012 - 8:04am — this shall pass

What you describe is exactly how I felt. living in hyper vigilance, walking on egg shells, being in the eye of the storm. I think I could not have possibly had panic attacks during those years of dealing with him even if I begged to! I was so caught up in my body and spirit attempt to just barely survive the absolute violation it's was getting on a consistent basis. I was really in survival mode and I think I kept a lot of stuff in and it's finally coming out.

It's good that you know yourself and you trust the process of decompressing. I'm also beginning to trust this process, that it may be unpleasant or frightening at first, but the pain will subside and I will be closer and closer to my real self

Here is something I read today that I would like to share with you and others on the forum

Don’t confuse your path with your destination.

Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.

wishing you all lots of sunshine! I really appreciate the support you have given me :)

Panic attacks

April 21, 2012 - 9:51pm — Pumpkin

I havn't had any for many years before we split. Anxiety yes - plenty, but not attacks. I did have them when we were together, to the point where I had to see a Doctor and I can't remember what pill he put me on, it may have been Xanax. I got a couple of books on the subject and that helped me enormously.
If they get bad go to a library and look for "Hope and help for your nerves." By Dr. Claire Weekes
And for anyone with agoraphobia - "Overcoming Agoraphobia" by Dr. Alan Goldstein.
Fearing an oncoming attack can actually make them worse and make you have them more often. Anyone having them should get checked out by a Doctor to rule out anything serious. If there isn't anything wrong physically then these books can help you.

Pumpkin

April 23, 2012 - 8:07am — this shall pass

Thank you for the book recommendations! I think that reading and becoming informed on what our body is going through is far more effective in the long run that just popping a pill and expecting the pain to go away. I don't want to numb my pain but rather be in a position where my body (emotional, mental and physical) is detoxing in a way that I can keep up with and process through the pain.

I wish you a beautiful day. Thank you once again!

this shall pass

April 21, 2012 - 7:01pm — onwithmylife

anxiety totally normal, had my first one when he changed his phone number after he moved away and never told me, never had one before. Just a suggestion do not take any iron pills unless you know for sure from a doctor that you are anemic, not good for your body if you do not need it, it can build up in the body........

ONWITHMYLIFE

April 23, 2012 - 8:13am — this shall pass

I hear you! whenever mind told me how he was moving away with me or getting together with someone else, I would start to feel anxious but now I moved away from him and I do feel more anxiety. I thin it's combination of feeling alone, fearing the unknown, being conditioned to the horrible treatment I was in (Wit brief intervals of being nice just to keep me hooked) but I thin he kept me more hooked through his mean and cruel behavior because I was constantly coming back to explain, justify and clarify things and those were all GOLDEN opportunities for him to dish out more of his cruelty on me.

I'm just curious, do you think Iron is not good or can contribute to anxiety? I did some internet search and its hard to tell. some sites link iron pills with anxiety, while others suggest that iron deficiency can be linked to anxiety and hence taking iron can lessen the anxiety..
Does anyone know? I'm a little confused on this matter

Thank you once again, have a beautiful day!

Panic Attacks

April 21, 2012 - 5:40pm — agnesmurphy17

The end of any relationship is frightening. Fear of being alone. Fear of having made a mistake.

I never had a panic/anxiety attack until I was with my N. When I left him, I started to feel much better within days.

I find it interesting that you only have these attacks when you are NC. Perhaps this is just fear of being alone & really has nothing to do with him?

One thing I do know . . . DO NOT use xanax. After 10 days of use, you may become dependent. This drug is in the family of Benzodiazepams (Benzos). Withdrawal from Benzos will make any panic or anxiety which you feel now simply child's play. These drugs are very controversial. In Europe the national health plan in England & Denmark do not prescribe them to people to take home any more. The drug was created here in the US. The drug/medical industry is very powerful & does not acknowledge what other health plans are recognizing. Google "benzodiazepam withdrawal syndrome." After doing some reading on the subject, then decide whether this drug is worth the risk.

agnesmurphy17

April 23, 2012 - 8:24am — this shall pass

Thank you for the info about xanax. I took it twice the first couple of nights and now for the last 5 days I have not take anything other than drinking herbal tea (Chamomile and Anise) and doing belly rubs, praying, taking hot baths, just doing whatever I could naturally to alleviate the anxiety..

I seem to be ok during the day, and actually feeling quite good, at night I get a bit restless. Last night I slept and woke up a couple of times but just feeling sleepless but without the panic and terror. I'm hoping this is a sigh that it's subsiding.
Today I will see a counselor and talk to her. I hope this will help

I felt it

April 20, 2012 - 11:57pm — sharlenemorgan

Slammed me last week w/back bad and child out of town! Menopause sucks along w/nar shit. Therapist again weekly but has helped me for the rat gym that I am is that I have a back brace,knee brace and wrist brace and I workout! I felt a huge differece in myself. Panic attacks were nasty.It made me get back in the gym and brace myself and workout. Whatever it takes. Out of control feeling makes me think I am having a heart attack! Afraid of men for now until I get more info and thiswebsite a God send.

i think it's normal

April 20, 2012 - 12:16pm — abreva

I think it's normal to have the anxiety & it will pass.

Watch out for the xanax use-- when you use now, you pay later.
The xanax has a kickback that is often worse than the original anxiety.
Lots of people aren't aware of that.

I'm not against using anti-anxiety meds, but they come at a price.

Good luck.

panic

April 19, 2012 - 4:27pm — Brit

I have been having the same thing. Very difficult to describe, it's anxiety and panic over what? I can't tell you what. I have plenty of worries, but don't worry about what I should be worried about, just panic over vague panicky things ! Its all crazy. Wake up early morning entirely alone and its horrible.

This has never happened before to me. I'm sure it will pass for us both.

ps I will just let you know that I HATE ALL NARCS

Brit x

yes

April 19, 2012 - 1:09pm — nlvr7

i still get panic attacks and anxiety. but its getting much better. i am off meds now but do take prn xanax and melatonin to help sleep.

Thank you NLVR7

April 19, 2012 - 1:14pm — this shall pass

for the quick response, how long do you think it will take? I really don't want to be dependent on meds like xanax after being natural, vegetarian and off all meds for years.
I know this is just a dark cloud and it will hopefully go soon. Peace!

well as far as how long it

April 19, 2012 - 1:21pm — nlvr7

well as far as how long it depends. are you nc? do you have a good support system? are you getting good quality sleep? i was with the loser for around six months... and im still getting the occasional panic attack and he threw me away (aka blessing in disguise) four months ago... so im thinking six months for me...

I'm NC now but it's only been

April 19, 2012 - 1:30pm — this shall pass

I'm NC now but it's only been a day or so and we still have something pending in court (I truly hope I don't hear from him directly as this has stressed me out) I dont know if this is separation anxiety or PSTD but I truly hope it'll pass soon.

I don't get good sleep because I've been waking up suddenly with racing thoughts and shivering and so on. I hope I rest well tonight, I'm tired :/

As for support system, I finally told my family (I kept a lot of stuff inside as to how much he abused me physically, mentally, emotionally and also very much financially) I kept a lot of stuff in most of the time and I'm finally sharing and letting it out, I hope this will help in the healing process.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you feel better and happier soon also! peace :)

I definitely have panic

April 19, 2012 - 2:39pm — Monarch

I definitely have panic attacks whenever I break NC (I have broken NC about four times). I never had one after about a year of NC (after the first round) and "no panic attacks" lasted for ten years. It must go away. I currently broke NC after four months. I have them, like you, whenever I wake in the night or morning. They must go away eventually, but I think it would be best to see a doctor. I'm the same way in that I don't like taking meds.

I truly believe now NC is the

April 20, 2012 - 6:25am — this shall pass

I truly believe now NC is the way to go and with NC there's no immediate relief necessarily but it does give the body time to process and purge some of the craps it's been taking in for a loooong time. I went through so much with this person that I did not dare tell anyone and I'm finally speaking out. Not for the sake of shaming or bad mouthing him but really because I felt that he kept me locked into this cycle of abuse for too long under the disguise that we must not speak about our relation to others in order to respect the sacredness of the relation, what sacredness????!!

He said to me a few times "look at me, I don't talk about our relation and complain to anyone!" I dont' know how he had the audacity to even compare!! with any of my imperfections or short coming, I have not given him the misery and hell he gave me for years!! I never violated his body and mind and spirit like he did to me and also I never requested one penny from him! he took from me probably around 30,000 USD and I was always supportive of him on many levels, it angers me to even think he made that ridiculous comparison of his..

Thank you all for sharing, I pray that we all overcome this heavy cloud and heal and live a happy and fulfilling life..

I heard this too.

April 20, 2012 - 12:17pm — abreva

"look at me, I don't talk about our relation and complain to anyone!"

I think it's a line -- a line to control you with

he is a liar.

LOL, I heard the same yarn

April 21, 2012 - 7:17pm — Renegade

LOL, I heard the same yarn from the ex - and then I ran into a mutual friend out of town who told me the mere mention of my name in his presence set him off on a tirade every single time!

I think someone is a little bitter! :D

See, I have a sense of humor about these things....

April 21, 2012 - 7:26pm — abreva

That's just funny, Renegade.

They are drama queens.

The EXNH-Psychopath has threatened me with a lawsuit for Slander? -- like I talk about him? He tried to get it put in our divorce agreement that I wouldn't talk about him? Huh? He says I am bad-mouthing him, but it is PEOPLE who come up to me, in hushed tones and tell me things about him: He is creepy. Is he using drugs? Why doesn't he make eye contact? Why are his eyes so red? Is he gay?

Good Lord.

I want him out of my life.

The lawsuit for slander threat, by the way: I know this is just an attempt to control me. It kinda works. Kinda doesn't. I do wonder what would happen if I wrote a book and went public, like, how would that work? (Off topic- that's a new thread item there -- just a thought.)

Abreva

April 22, 2012 - 2:50am — this shall pass

Thank you for your comments and yes! do not fall for all that talk about lawsuit. Also, it's best not to give him any of your energy even through engaging in conversations about him. Mine did something similar. He told me not to speak of him to anyone (this is how he kept the abuse going for as long as he did) and now we have a case pending in court (a domestic violence case) it's sooo sickeningly interesting how after all the abuse and taunting he did, that when I start speaking out, demanding accountability from him, he said that I was bad mouthing him, that I was vindictive and that I was harassing him!! wow..me harassing him apparently..

I have been talking to the DA hoping to drop the case (not because I think he's so innocent) but because I'm so tired of the drama and I don't wanna be connected to him in ANY way, and I'm a little concerned that if the case gets dropped, that he would attempt to show that I was just bad mouthing him or making false claims (Although the is not the case at all, he's been abusing me on ALL levels for years and I didn't tell anyone)

ROFL!!

April 21, 2012 - 7:42pm — Renegade

Cause we all know how much judges love dealing with 7th grade gag orders! LOLOLOL!

I was told many things about him after we split from people who've known him for years - that he was a "player", he always had "someone waiting in the wings" after a break-up, that he dated trash as a general rule...and not one of them could figure out why I ever gave him the time of day.

He talked behind my back while we were dating too - one of our mutual friends confessed that he stopped coming by our house because of the way he was treating me one night and the shit talking that ensued when I'd had enough and went to bed.

I felt like the biggest doormat, and this was after I'd left. Had I known ANY of this while I was with him, I'd have dropped him right then and there.

Renegade

April 22, 2012 - 2:59am — this shall pass

It's interesting the things that get revealed to us once we move away from such disturbed souls. I also think some of those things we've know all along but did not we did not yet reach our "I've had enough of this sh--t) point to walk away..
The way you describe the person you're dealing with sounds a lot like my situation. I used to wonder how he could be so nice and cordial to all these women (And I often noticed how he was drawn to highly trashy looking women) but now I know it's not just that whorish look he was aiming for but a certain availability he sensed from certain women and the willingness to "stick around" and be on "on call" for him. He always kept people available and I often wondered if the relaitonship is over why are they still lurking around, calling him up, inviting him to hang out and to go to the "beach" together..it's sooo sick when you think about it, they really have no heart the way they deal with people//
I truly believe that we women should listen more to one another..

I saw him with my replacement

April 22, 2012 - 12:15pm — Renegade

I saw him with my replacement about a year after our split (he had been texting me with stupid bullshit 2 weeks prior)...she was clinging to him for dear life in my presence - he was showing no return affection toward her at all. I quietly left and have been NC ever since - I refused to get caught up in whatever triangulation game he was playing, didn't want to deal with his drama and wanted nothing to do with him ever again. He sent a text 'apologizing' the next day, which I did not respond to - I blocked him instead. He hasn't heard from or seen me since. That was 8 months ago.

All I could remember was how sorry I felt for her - the visual to me was one of her, someone who already looked like life had dealt her some serious stints of misfortune, bear hugging a bag of garbage. She had no idea.....

I assume the honeymoon period never happened for her, based on his body language if they were that soon in to the relationship and he was already cold toward her. Poor thing - I don't even wonder if they're still together - it's so irrelevant. All I know is whatever time she is with him, will be hell on earth and she will be no better off for having met him.

Regardless of her story, or my story, who's successful, who's better put together, doesn't matter - I am her; she is me.

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