First off, do not beat yourself up. We become addicted to the narcissist - the image he presented in the first 4 or six months of dating. But you must realize that is not who he is! That was a front to hook you. Those efforts he made to "really listen" in the beginning. . .it wasn't because he cherished you and was interested in getting to know you as a person and deepen a relationship with you, that intent listening was to absorb all he could about what makes you tick so he could use it against you in the future. These guys calculate, gather information, collate the information, and in a very linear fashion plan how they are going to sweep you off your feet. That's who you fell in love with but it is an image, not who he really is! He doesn't feel anything for people, not even the one he is with. All the interest he has in people is whether they will provide him with what he needs to fulfill HIS needs. He will do that with every person he meets. But the destruction, the self-destruction, the end of the so-called new relationship is inevitable. Understand the meaning behind the word: it is INEVITABLE that EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP he is in will not be successful. Why? Normal people want intimacy in a relationship: a narcissist is unable to provide that. Someone partnered with a narcissist will eventually want more - more depth, more connection,more intimacy - and when they ask for it, it will be the beginning of the end. Trust me. You are not going crazy, but what you are going through is absolutely necessary to go through to begin pulling yourself out of the hole you are in. It will get better. Keep writing and expressing. That part is essential. We are here for you.

deadenddreamer, Im sorry!! I have done the same thing. found girls on fb who have added him and his friends and stalked her online like CRAZY. And felt extremelyyy jealous.

But honestly, she probably wont last long. And dont compare yourself to her, just dont. Dont let yourself believe that she has something you're missing, or that she's getting a different guy than you did. She is NOT. He will be exactly the same with her. She is no more "involved" in his life than you were. And if she is than poor her! This girl doesnt even know what coming to her. You're lucky he's out of your life.

Block her so that you cant creep her any more!

Chin up, you're better than this disordered loser. Let him slut himself around in an endless attempt to feed his ego. Be glad its not with you any more.

xo

deeply...this is all very new to you and this is the walking on hot coals part. ouch! the pain! It's unbearable.
Your life is not ruined it is altered. You care because you did care. He does not care and it is okay to cry and cry and cry. I am almost 7 months on the path forward after 22 years fo caring and the crying is almost non existant now. almost. But each tear I shed I think of as ridding my body of one more drop of toxicity. We have all coped with this and we all still cope. You can't just walk away, we have to go slwly and understand and forgive ourselves. Part of it is figuring out why it happened and much of it is learning to not fall victim again.
So cry, breath, cry and keep reading a writing you are not alone.