Well I am on my day 2 of NC. I took everyone's comments to heart over the last few days. Read a post from spinning on NC.
I need to get to a better place. I need to get away from this mess I am in. I need to rid myself of him to move forward.
He is obliging this time. He called the lawyer and will sign the separation agreement. I talked to his parents and asked them to clear his belongings out of the house since he wouldn't do it. They agreed. I told them I needed no contact unless it has to do with the kids. I only want email communication so I could get to the place where he is...done with our marriage and have some sort of working relationship for the sake of our kids. I am not moving forward and I need to. They told me I wasn't trying and I needed to be nice. I told them I am nice but I am not in the place that their son is yet. I will get there but I need to start healing. Now I need to set my boundaries with them. I will not talk to them anymore unless it has to do with the children that they care for 2 days a week.
I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I can't eat, I can't sleep and feel so beat down. I made a doctor's appt for me. I have no kids this weekend and I will do something for me.
Thank you for your help ladies. Thank you for your honesty. I am working to get to the acceptance stage that this is a divorce. I will have no more false hope from his parents or blame that I am the one that ruined the marriage. It took 2 to get here, but I asked for forgivness, did not quit marriage counseling and move out twice. I deserve better and at this point, my children deserve better...they deserve a life where they don't have to grow up too soom. They deserve to be children.
I CAN DO THIS. I AM CAPABLE.