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Another exN mom question
Harper03
Member since:
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1 year 5 weeks
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1 year 1 week
Another exN mom question
Posted April 18, 2012 - 9:42am
This post is an idea I had from The Old Taboo's post about their mothers... I hope you don't mind!
Did anybody experience rude, off the wall or down right unexplainable/effed up comments from the N's mother?
I know she actually had the nerve, right in front of me as if I wasnt there, to make a comment about me not being able to read a book that was very long and considered a hard read. She may have thought I looked like an idiot but I read in my late teens. That was one of many, and actually a nicer, less loopy comment she has made to me.
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All the time, rude, off the wall, crude
April 20, 2012 - 7:51am — Trainwreck56nasty woman! Big time trouble maker, no body did anything as good as she did! She was a big fat slob too just nasty, here I'm pretty, nice figure, very tiny, she was jealous of her SON=HUSBANDS, New girl!LOL
THEY WERE TWO OF A KIND! They would both gang up on me too, and if she said something crappy to me, he would never defend me!
EXACTLY ALIKE, this I noticed after a spell! SO SHE HAD A HAND IN RUINING HIM BIG TIME!
TW
She would say off the wall
April 20, 2012 - 8:42am — Harper03She would say off the wall things to me and my exN would never stick up for me either. Also, you never did anything as good as this mommy too. Like make the beds. She would remake it to her standard because the way you did that wasn't as good as her way.
SICK people.
She was also interested in his sexual conquests
April 20, 2012 - 2:42pm — Trainwreck56and brought that shit up with me!!!!!!!!!! Told me all about it! WHY??? THATS NUTS!
WTF, SICK OR WHAT!
I did'nt want to hear any of it
TW
They are so sick and right
April 20, 2012 - 3:02pm — Harper03They are so sick and right now, since things are still fresh, I still miss my exN and I am blaming is mommy and sister... And his weird father as well. I know it isn't healthy and they didn't FORCE him to make certain decisions and it wasn't (really) :) their fault for how badly he manipulated me, cheated, etc.
But they are a sick breed just like their sons!
crazy breeds crazy
April 20, 2012 - 7:38am — RustyGalIsn't it amazing how looking back we see all this craziness so clearly. My N's mother was a do-gooder. Always volunteering and judging people who put any sort of emphasis on material things. She didn't have much of a relationship my N's ex wife until we got married. I always thought it was weird that she would choose to have lunch with her when she was in town visiting us for a holiday. I now see it was all to punish me for being married to her precious boy.
Well crazy breeds crazy and she can have her crazy son. She would also make comments implying how I should just do as i am told because it is easier. This is a woman who spent some time hospitalized for depression when my N left home for college.
In December I posted a comment on Facebook about dreading a 15 hour flight to Dubai (to meet my N for vacation) because i was very sick with the flu. She responded "hard to feel sorry for you." It was because I was traveling with her precious boy! SICK!
At any rate I cooked for 100 people for a 80th birthday party for her, which she invited my N's ex wife and family to, had her in my home for holidays and we included her in international month long vacations.....but since my N and i separated I haven't heard a word from her.
6 weeks NC, a lot of reading and counseling and the fog is lifting. I am laughing now at this wacko family and happy to be getting out.
What is wrong with that
April 20, 2012 - 7:54am — Harper03What is wrong with that lady!? So glad you don't have to deal with her anymore.
My eN mommy volunteered also. She wanted to let us all know she did. But, she was very materialistic.
She also brought up my exN's exes who were "crazy" and I am never sure why she did. She would have to always bring them up! Not even good or bad, she just had to bring them up. Finally I told him to tell his mom to stop.
These ladies are crazy, just like their effed up sons they raised. Lol I am glad you were able to laugh today and the messed up situation.
Many hugs!
My exmotherinlaw had a gift
April 18, 2012 - 2:39pm — janemarieMy exmotherinlaw had a gift of insulting me without outwardly insulting me.....she used words such as
Oh honey let me do it...meaning..(youre too clumby to carry the china)
Honey let me cut those apples for you... (your apple pie is gonna taste like shit if you dont do it my way)
Sweetheart I will find the scissors (youre too fucking stupid to follow my directions to find them yourself)
Isnt she cute? She didnt know to grill the hotdogs on a low flame (you are such an idiot...cant you do anything right?)
My all time favorite....I overheard her on the phone when I just woke up from sleeping over when my exh and I were engaged...Oh yes my son picked a very pretty girl, a real sweetheart...but thats all shes good for...at least he will be satisfied in the bedroom....(cackle cackle laugh laugh)
That friggin bitch made me feel like I didnt have a brain in my head!!!!!! I graduated college with honors but according to her I was the dumbest person alive....
Not only did my exh treat me like I wasnt the dumbest person alive but her as well....and I BELIEVED them!!!!!!!
ewwwww that she would even
April 20, 2012 - 11:50am — Deidre99ewwwww that she would even think about her son being satisfied in the bedroom!
what a sick family.
i can't imagine being jealous of my son's gf or when he marries, his wife.
kinda makes you wonder how SHE was raised herself. that family tree sounds like its toxic roots go way back.
other thing too is...when i was married, my ex's mom used to try to 'teach' me lots of things in the kitchen. she was NOT a narcissist whatsoever, but i think it's what some women pride themselves on. waiting on men. it was her era.
i could give a fuck about waiting on a man, making him a sandwich, and standing there waiting for him to take his first bite, and pat me on the head that i did a GREAT JOB. YEA! lol if that's what some women pride themselves on...have at it. i don't pride myself on if a man finds my cooking and cleaning skills 'up to par' as his mom's.
marry your mom, dude. lol what can i say.
Sick is what my NPD MIL is!
April 20, 2012 - 12:01pm — knighty2035She would discuss the MOST inappropriate things with her son. From how she and her husband hadn't had sex in 8 years... to her husband's "doll" fetish ...yes dolls! Just talk about sexual things so blatently and brazenly.. and use the crudest terms too. Believe me... I do believe there is some type of incestuous component to their relationship.. .whether physical or not who can say, but she was soooo jealous of me. Going so far as to START a conversation saying "You know.. the ONLY thing I am jealous about knighty is for her youth". So random and out of the blue that you just KNEW there was a lot more to it than just that! Weird... disgusting... demented... dysfunctional,... toxic... soooo glad I'm getting the fuck out!!
Wow... The doll fetish is on
April 20, 2012 - 12:19pm — Harper03Wow... The doll fetish is on another level. Thank goodness you are out!
My exN's mom acted so proper... So judgmental... So weird about age... Sometimes his mom would act NOT childish but in a childlike, naive way to get attention from her sons. She had a problem her other son's girlfriend gained weight. Also, the exN's mom would stare like she was always judging you and taking note. I always felt so uncomfortable. Sometimes her and her husband would stop listening when I would talk.
I would hate to see what would go on behind closed doors between your ex and his mom. That is some twisted stuff right there.
heeeeeyyyy...today is YOUR
April 20, 2012 - 12:06pm — Deidre99heeeeeyyyy...today is YOUR MOVE IN DAY!! HAPPY DAY TO YOU, MISS KNIGHTY!!!
and ew about your ex MIL!!! grooossss!
makes me feel like some of these people should be locked up somewhere. they were a true danger to their kids. this is what creates the charles manson's ad ted bundy's of the world, strange and peculiar childhoods, i'm convinced of that.
Yay me!!!
April 20, 2012 - 12:17pm — knighty2035Yupper... signed my lease this morning.. pick up the keys this afternoon. move most of the little stuff tonight and in the morning... Get my moving truck tomorrow afternoon... and out! and yes... my stbx MIL is very twisted. She tried to get him to divorce me about 10 years ago. Wanted him to marry some other girl so she could get into the country. Then tried to tell him "cousins make good soup" as she tried to talk him into divorcing me to date a cousin. I mean this woman has done so much interferring and literally marriage destroying BS, I am soooo glad to be getting HER and HIM out of my life. They should be very happy together.. NOT.. NARCs don't really mesh with other NARC's. LOL not enough attention to go around.. and they both feel entitled to exactly what the other will purposely withhold. Good luck to the sickos
knighty
April 20, 2012 - 1:21pm — Deidre99If she could legally marry him, I bet she would...ewwww! lol
CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW PLACE.
YOU SHOULD CELEBRATE LARGE TONIGHT, GIRLIE! :)
Thank bunches
April 20, 2012 - 1:41pm — knighty2035This site has really been helping me to get it all out without having to say anything directly to him. And yes.. I believe I will be celebrating tonight!!
Congrats on your place. The
April 20, 2012 - 12:21pm — Harper03Congrats on your place. The cousin remark turned my stomach. hahahaha...
We were viewed the same exact
April 18, 2012 - 3:16pm — Harper03We were viewed the same exact way... It is sad. She was probably jealous of you if she was anything like my exN's mom! ;)
I am so glad you are away from her. Not only are we all lucky to be away from them (even like I do not feel like it most days... it is too new) we are lucky to be away from the their mommys... Haha and I am SURE about that one every single second. ;)
Hope you are doing well sweetheart. Hugs!
don't be surprised, thinking
April 18, 2012 - 11:38am — Deidre99don't be surprised, thinking this through after reading your post here, that his mom was a driving force in him treating you poorly. i think he has his own npd issues, but being raised with a weird and controlling mom...she may have never been keen on the marriage. and therefore, she might have kept harping on him to dump you.
i have teens, and my son told me about friends of his, the guy dumped the girl largely because his parents never liked her, and they were very controlling. so, some guys never grow up, and always look to mommy to tell them what to do next.
i think that his mom is probably the key to his npd issue.
be thankful he left, harper. he did you a favor! just think. someday, you can meet and hopefully marry a NORMAL WELL ADJUSTED GROWN MAN...not an insecure, weird, mama's boy. i really think that this was a blessing, even though it hurts right now.
I hate her
April 20, 2012 - 8:56am — knighty2035I know that his crazy ass mother was at least a 65% driving force in my stbx NPD's treatment of me. He treated me so good anytime they were on the outs and not speaking... but as soon as that crazy bitch had his ear, he went right back to the critical, demeaning bullsh*t and I could do nothing right. I wasn't "submissive" enough.. now I wonder where that thought came from? HER that's who. I am divorcing that absurd bitch as much if not more than I'm divorcing her son. And the sad thing is that in the end... she'll be dead and he'll be alone. Well maybe he won't be alone... but one thing I know he won't have IS ME!
I think my exN's mom, along
April 20, 2012 - 1:54pm — Harper03I think my exN's mom, along with the sister, at least GUIDED him to his decision. His mommy worships her other son more, but she can giver her opinion and have more say with my exN.... They are sick. In the beginning of our relationship she actually said I needed to be more independent! What? I was basically wiping her son's ass and I needed to be more independent?
I definitely will not miss his mommy... Glad you are getting away from that.
That is what many of my
April 18, 2012 - 12:16pm — Harper03That is what many of my family members and friends think... She told my mom, not long ago, how lucky they were to have me bc her daughter and other sons gf were both bossy. Haha she could subtly boss me around. Oh and she said I was so warm to them. Lol she was only really nice to me sometimes. She was judgmental.
His mom and his sister both said relationships should be easy (they don't really believe in talking thru issues probably bc they don't have deep feelings either) and he said to me it should be easy towards the end.
His my is a cold person. But plays the part of being happy all for status and social reasons.
Amazing how you picked up on that! Thank you for posting about it.
And pardon my french...but
April 18, 2012 - 12:38pm — Deidre99And pardon my french...but it's very fucked up when a mom is infatuated with her son, the way your ex's mom sounds with him. YUCK...GROSS...CREEPY!
There are lifetime movies made after such stories. lol
I have a son, and am not infatuated with him. I want him to be his own person, not live my life through him...or for him. Or pretend I'm his wife to be.
Again, any woman who has 'that' kind of 'relationship' with her son, is sick. And needs help. And to marry into such a warped family would probably cause one to age very rapidly.
Harper. this guy sounds better and better every day!
NOT! :=P
And what's worse is she is
April 18, 2012 - 12:48pm — Harper03And what's worse is she is more infatuated with her other soon. Problem is the other son's gf lays down the law so then she would go to my exN, in my opinion, for attention.
As long as you play the part with her, you are okay. If not....
Her other son doesn't let his her, the father or his sister anywhere near his relationship.
be thankful. very thankful
April 18, 2012 - 2:13pm — Deidre99be thankful. very thankful you're out, harper.
That is what many of my
April 18, 2012 - 12:17pm — Harper03Sorry!!! Double post.
I agree with Dee! As my mom
April 18, 2012 - 11:44am — LookonthesunnysideI agree with Dee!
As my mom used to say to me "just THINK of the terror that woman would have inflicted on you when you became her daughter in law, and when you had *her* grandchildren."
Life is waaayyyy too damn short to suffer because of these mentally deranged non humans.
You are right on with *her*
April 18, 2012 - 12:21pm — Harper03You are right on with *her* grandchildren. I wonder what these N moms are suffering from. I need to get more educated on this. I'm going to take Hunter's advice below.
After we got engaged she wanted to have a party... Completely fine with that, but she kept planning stuff around everyone but me. I finally put my foot down and nicely told the exN that I was really appreciative of the party, but felt like she needed to plan the date around us, too. Not her daughter and her son. She discussed dares with them and never me!
Oh ya, my exN's mom is
April 18, 2012 - 11:32am — LookonthesunnysideOh ya, my exN's mom is INSANE. Pretended to be all sweet, even spoke in this sicky sweet voice, but then would say stuff about both her sons' girlfriends behind our backs. Said I was controlling, anorexic, made weird sexual comments about me to my ex.
Told his brothers gf to her face that she thought she was flaky, a liar, didnt trust her. Terrible.
Its really no surprise these guys are the way they are. Their mothers have ruined all women for them.
Lol yep *pretends* then would
April 18, 2012 - 11:56am — Harper03Lol yep *pretends* then would take about me and her other sons gf behind our backs too. We were "princesses" and she didn't think we should question her sons when they were shitty to us. We weren't supposed to talk about basically our feelings. I guess she thought we should have an emotional less, loveless relationship like hers!
I feel bad you were subjected to this. And that's WEIRD she would make sexual comments.
well...that explains why he
April 18, 2012 - 11:30am — Deidre99well...that explains why he wants the ring back, harper. to give it to his mommy.
:=P
Hahahahahaha soooooo true so
April 18, 2012 - 11:59am — Harper03Hahahahahaha soooooo true so true.
I suggested you read when
April 18, 2012 - 10:45am — HunterI suggested you read when "he's married to mom" by Ken Adams..
Reading books published by professionals may help you understand the disorder more clearly..
What book are you reading now? If any.. Have you worked the steps in Lisa's book?
Hunter
I SECOND THIS
April 20, 2012 - 7:22am — wshJust recently finished this book. Only slightly relates to my stbxh as far as his mother goes, but 100% dead on as far as his f'd up relationship with his SISTER!! He has 4 sisters, but this ONE - SHE is his "surrogate wife" - SHE came before me. TWO therapists we had (l man & l woman) BOTH used the word "incestuous" when I described some of their behaviors with each other & how HER needs/feelings/opinions were ALWAYS more important than mine. WOW. Learning more & more every day.
A MUST read if you have trouble with ANY female in-law!
CRAP! I JUST remembered
April 20, 2012 - 7:31am — wshthis. The very first time I met his family (at a family wedding) the FIRST THING THIS SISTER SAID TO ME WAS - "we're so happy that you're blonde because his other wives had dark hair & they were both bitches."
HELLLOOOOOOO RED FLAG WAVING!!!!
But also, the real "trouble" did NOT start until AFTER the wedding. THAT'S when the interfering, put downs, MY needs/feelings ignored so that SHE got what she wanted, etc. In fact, HE told me he "wasn't close" to his family on our 1st date! And while dating we did only get together with them 3-4 times a year. FF to after wedding?
In first year of marriage that 3-4 times turned into 12 times, & increased CONSTANTLY. Just more & more crap as time went on.
So.....I guess now that I'M "bitch #3"????? GOOD!!
"bitch" = "I'm NOT taking your shit"!
Add this to the already huge list called "why to stay single"!!!!
My feelings were also
April 20, 2012 - 7:57am — Harper03My feelings were also ignored. I can't believe these people exist!
Was the sister a pain in the ass like the mommy? My exN's sister was.
YES!
April 20, 2012 - 8:33am — wshPerfect example. We were planning a trip in which we were going to spend 2 days with my sister, 2 days with HIS sister & then 4 days on our own. He & I talked/planned for hours - had tons of FUN & were in COMPLETE AGREEMENT as to where/what/when we wanted to do. Then, the SISTER CALLS.......with HER "itinerary" for OUR trip! Would have changed things to spending 4-5 days with HER, leaving only ONE DAY for us alone together. Plus her "ideas" consisted of either things HE & I would NEVER do if just us, things I do NOT enjoy (& he knows it) & things that if it was ME who suggested them HE WOULD NOT DO THEM ("women's shit").
When he hung up the phone & told me about her ideas (even though I could hear everything she said anyway) I simply told him "that just isn't my idea of fun & I'd rather stick to the plans that you & I made & agreed on." He jumped up so fast he knocked his chair over & SCREAMED at me "why do you have to make things so difficult - this is MY SISTER & she has a right to her ideas." I said, "sure she does. But this is OUR trip, NOT HERS, & I do NOT want someone else dictating what WE do on OUR vacation, especially when WE already AGREED on what WE want to do."
He walked away. I tried 2 more times to discuss - he wouldn't. About 2 weeks before the date, he goes "are we taking this trip or not?" I replied, "I will go on the trip that WE PLANNED/AGREED on. If you want to do the trip your sister planned, you can go alone."
NO TRIP. & he didn't go either. Wanna know WHY?? Because HE can't afford trips! That was the kicker! I AM the one PAYING for the trip ($3,000.00+) but we follow HER PLANS?????????? FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have DOZENS of stories about "Sister/wife" coming first, changing OUR plans, he & HER make decisions & I'm not even consulted, she shows up to our house whenever she wants & I have no say over that either, I get no affection at all, but these two can't keep their hands off each other (including back/arm/thigh rubs - ick!) But that trip was IT for me.
Once we went on a trip with
April 20, 2012 - 9:23am — Harper03Once we went on a trip with his family and good ole sissy sent the entire family an "itinerary." It is sick how she thinks she has to control most situations. Her parents let her but in return, his mommy thought she could control what we did. But sometimes they didn't want to bother with us... Wouldn't visit, but would visit another sibling of his and would never stop to see us on the way. But, she expected us to do all the family things, etc.
I was starting to call out his family's behavior, too. After 5 years I was sick of it. That wasn't sitting well. I was as tactful as I could be.
The word ITINERARY is like nails on a chalkboard to me because of his sister.
Were we with the same N? HAHA
April 20, 2012 - 9:15am — Harper03Were we with the same N? HAHA jk... His sister always made her itinerary... Nobody ever questioned it. Everyone just went along.
I wasn't putting up with my exN's sh*t anymore and was calling him out on his behavior. I know he talked to mommy and sister about it and like they always say... things should be easy (both of them can be belittling to their hubby's) so me being nice, kissing his ass but starting to make him be accountable for his actions is wrong? Well, sure enough he ended things after being down with mommy for a few days.
I love the "sister/wife" term... I had a good laugh at that one.
We were supposed to go visit sissy. I guess I got lucky because we broke things off before the trip... She even took money from me before the trip to help pay for something. Hmmmm NEVER got that back.
Lol it is so sick these people are like this.
I'm reading... It's All
April 18, 2012 - 11:23am — Harper03I'm reading...
It's All About Him
Help! I'm in Love with a Narcissist
Thank you for the recommendation!
Perfect .. Get the mom book..
April 18, 2012 - 11:25am — HunterPerfect .. Get the mom book.. It will blow you away .. Also.. Sam Vaknin on utube
Haha thanks. Im going to
April 18, 2012 - 11:34am — Harper03Haha thanks. Im going to purchase that book online... I'll have to check out Sam on YouTube. I never cared for his mom and always felt there was something off and weird.
Thanks again!
Mommy gets the ball rolling
April 18, 2012 - 2:09pm — HunterMommy gets the ball rolling .. For any of you have Boys.. Please Please learn from this..
You are exactly right. I will
April 18, 2012 - 2:20pm — Harper03You are exactly right. I will NEVER be like that if I ever have a son. His mommy did not know the word BOUNDARIES! She would want to drive a couple of hours to clean up and organize for him. HELLO!? I lived there and that did not need to be done. We weren't even allowed to sleep in the same bed when we would visit at the beginning, even when we lived together. Okay, we weren't in HS...
Unfortunately, his sister is like that with him. Instead of telling him to talk things out, she will say yea you need to do this or this.
Makes me sick.