You do mean something to them, only now you realize it just was not what we had hoped. I know how you feel. After eight years and 5 children my Narc told me the only thing that was good in our marriage was the sex! Nice! I supported our family of seven almost by myself(Narcs are notoriously cheap), loved him with all my heart, was faithful and helped him start his company and make it a success. I treated his two kids like my own after their mother abandoned them because after 17 years of abuse from him, she went over the edge and they still refer to me as their mom! Then last conversation we had regarding our marriage I asked instead of always telling what I don't do right how about telling me what I do well? His reply, "you give a great blow job!" talk about feeling like you mean nothing.

My point is they are sick and they will never validate us, nuture us or make us feel the way we deserve to feel. It's like looking down an empty hole. You have to make yourself matter as I did knowing I was an amazing wife, and incredible mom and a hell of a woman! You are incredible and as long as you know it that is all that counts.

Hugs and hope!

part of me just wishes mine was contacting me, not because i want him back, just so i felt that i did mean something to him and i wasnt so easily replaceasble..

9 months out and NC and I STILL say what you have stated above at times. As Iam working thru this I must tell myself that its not healthy for me to want a man to try and contact me that did what he did to me - I realize I was EXTREMELY trauma bonded to him; I TRULY believe I get Stockholm syndrome that trickles in now and then, from what I read about this IT IS treatable depending on the length of time the abuse lasted it can take a long time to cure. I have had extensive counseling during the beginning when I was NC and we worked through these feelings of almost panic I had when I was letting him go - but STILL I have moments of being afraid to move on and REALLY let him go. Stokholm syndrome is very similar to ptsd - it can flair up and it is easily triggered. You are too early out and you mostly likely dont have this, what you are experiencing is normal but in my case 9 months out with NC I still at times feel the tremendous sick bond I had with this person. I mistake this sick bond with LOVE or at least feeling like it was love and it was the furthest thing from what love is.

Still ..... syndrome or no syndrome its the most traumatic experience to live through having an relationship with another living breathing person(a) that you loved so deeply and they can move on and throw you out like a tv that broke My counselor asked me once, "do you love your tv"? of course not, well he was with you because you were as useful to him as his tv was for awhile - he had his favorite programs and one of them was the blow jobs we gave them or whatever we gave them they were amused with at that time; they also like the psychological mind games they play with us - its not just about sex - and as we well know because of their lack of interest in it after awhile. It seemed when his sexual desires for me stopped the sick twisted mind games started and sex was just a tool he used to throw in the mix.

It takes a great deal of work to come to terms with how we really meant nothing to them - read Sheridan's book you were with someone that was not human - x0

And he won't be happy with her either...because she is human and has feelings and will want intimacy (which he can't give) and he'll feel the need to find another OW to make his life "ok". That is just how it goes with a Narc. I was the OW to a Narc who already had a gf and there was a time when she "found out" about something and he panicked for a bit because his well crafted plan of her and me was on the brink of being destroyed. He focused on her....sent her all kinds of loving text messages, posted the most pathetic plea I've ever read on his Twitter acct....when she didn't buy it....he went back to a previous gf and won her back..but still kept me. It's all about them....everything they do is about them because they lack empathy.

Here is the take away....so many people on this site think..well, if I didn't get the best there was of him...then surely someone must get it....the reality is...there is no best to get. There is an actor who plays a role while trying to woo you....once he knows he has you and he doesn't have to work on getting you...the actor goes away and the real Narc appears...tada....only....he isn't the handsome prince you initially were wooed by....nope...he's this ugly toad who just thinks he's a prince and expects you to treat him like a prince while he treats you like a toaster or a sofa or any other object. No single human being is going to be willing to play that role...not long term....unless she/he is so damaged by the Narc that she/he thinks the Narc is all that she/he is worthy of. Good of you to not buy into his pleas....good of you to take a stand and say "I'm a person....I deserve better" and you do. You really do. Instead of focusing on his lack of contact...be glad that you are finally free of a man who could never truly give you what you need. You are so much better off.

HUGS