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eyeswideopen35
Member since:
1 year 6 weeks
1 year 6 weeks
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3 weeks 4 days
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Posted April 13, 2012 - 8:47am
hi i have had mostly nc since we separated except for mail and sorting out bank details etc, have not seen him since we last caught up 6weeks ago as i returned a box of his things he left at the house, he was meant to bring my things he accidently took but when he turned up he said he had forgotten them and that he would get them to me! that's was 6 weeks ago and nothing! i did text him on Sunday when i found out that he is seeing the girl he cheated on me with! the one he Promised me he was not and had no interest in! i guess i wanted him to know that i knew the truth! i lately feel this dark cloud looming over me as i anticipate he is going to contact me at some stage! is it okay when he does to reply and tell him where to go and that i won't nothing to do with him and for him to never contact me again. i feel like i need to get out how i feel and tell him what i think of him! is this appropriate?
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
SILENCE
April 13, 2012 - 9:53am — florence (not verified)Is the best way - for you - stuff him. I'm going through that bit right now and interestingly, it doesn't feel like I'm 'teaching him a lesson', or getting my own back - no, it just feels like I can be at peach with myself at long last, without trying to engage with a person who is incapable of normal human interaction. It is totally pointless, you would be wasting your breath & causing yourself more plain. Silence speaks louder than words and it is blissfully relaxing too. We need to get our heads back on our shoulders and this is the only way to do it. I founf a way to block his number on my landline and it is the BEST thing I ever did. Just really wish I'd done it sooner - but better late than never. Stay strong, and if you get an urge to vent your spleen at him - do it on here - we don't mind!! Love Flo xx
Sorry, meant 'PEACE' not
April 13, 2012 - 9:54am — florence (not verified)'Peach'!!! Mind I do feel pretty peachy! Florrie xx
Not telling him ANYTHING.......
April 13, 2012 - 8:59am — Layla.......will tell him ALL he needs to know in the best way possible. Total SILENCE. He isn't even worth your words anymore. He is not worth any notice of his existence anymore. You've had ENOUGH and you will no longer tolerate his lying, manipulating abusive ass in your pretense any longer. You tell him this by saying NOTHING at all.
Trust me, this is the best way. And anyone here who has been around long enough will tell you the exact same thing.
love~ Layla
its really hard to get my
April 13, 2012 - 9:11am — eyeswideopen35its really hard to get my head around it, i know from all i have read that NC is the way to go and i have been really strong and not brought into his crap even when he was sending msg saying he wanted to self destruct i ignored him! i didn't msg him for his birthday last month which was hard too, but now i know he is seeing her i won't I'm so angry and i have had enough of all his lies i guess i won't him to know how i feel in case he is planning on contacting me again at some stage! he has always come back to me even at the end this time i told him if he leaves that is it! he just laughed in my face and said come on we both know how this will play out! you always have been in my life and you always will be! i just don't want To have the anxiety about if and when he might contact me guess i thought if i old him never to contact me again i could fully move on not having to worry about when he might show up again! makes me sick To think they get to treat people like this and just move on so easily like we never existed! i don't know how he sleep at night!
Eyeswide, you gave him
April 13, 2012 - 9:34am — spinningyour truth now stick to it:
"i told him if he leaves that is it! he just laughed in my face and said come on we both know how this will play out! you always have been in my life and you always will be!"
Your contacting him to tell him not to contact you or responding to tell him not to contact you will PROVE HIS THEORY RIGHT. It is only through your complete and total No Contact, ignoring all messages, not responding to anything and hopefully BLOCKING or CHANGING YOUR NUMBER THAT YOUR WORD TO HIM WILL BE TRUE.
You told him that if he leaves, that is it. KEEP YOUR WORD BY BLOCKING AND GOING NO CONTACT NO MATTER WHAT. Anything less proves his point...don't let him laugh in your face any more. Don't let him D & D you all over again.
You also say : "To have the anxiety about if and when he might contact me guess i thought if i old him never to contact me again i could fully move on not having to worry about when he might show up again! "
What makes you think he'll honor your wish? Don't waste your words. If he shows up click and delete. Don't answer the door. Call the cops if you have to.
This is about YOU now, dear eyeswideopen. If you are sincere in your wish to break the cycle now you must keep your word...HE'S OUT. HIS LOSS!!
We will help you get through it.
Sincerely,
(not) spinning. BECAUSE I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION
No contact
April 13, 2012 - 10:24pm — eyeswideopen35Thanks ladies for all your support, it really helps. I really thought I had moved from him and accepted what happened, but today I find myself in tears. I feel so hurt and betrayed and I just can't believe he has done the things he has. It kills me knowing that he can just move on like I never existed, like we never even got married, without any care or consideration for me. I really thought he loved me, I believed all my dreams were finally coming true when we got married. He has shattered all my hopes and dreams and just disappeared
How does one move on from that, when on the inside I feel so shocked and shattered
I'm going through the same
April 20, 2012 - 12:55pm — KSam80I'm going through the same roller coaster as you at the moment. I find myself firmly believing I never want to see or speak to him again, a day later I am sad, in tears and somehow wishing he will text or call me and show some remorse.
This is all part of the "hook" that has kept us in our relationship. Getting real and facing the cold hard truth that he did in fact hurt you and isn't who you thought he is.
Realize that he isn't just moving on.... he is stuck in his own miserable existence, unable to feel emotion, love, show compassion and empathize. His ONLY emotions are anger and fear. Realize that you have SO much more then he does and your dreams will come true and guess what... you have the ability to love !
Take yourself out of your sad state of mind by understanding that you don't depend on him to make you happy, focus on building your self-esteem back, be compassionate towards yourself. Realize that he ISN"T the man that you love and never will be. That man is out there waiting for you to find him.... don't keep him waiting by giving your ex any more of your love and thoughts.
Change your number or block
April 13, 2012 - 9:24am — EmmaChange your number or block his.
Telling your narc how you
April 13, 2012 - 8:57am — EmmaTelling your narc how you feel would be pointless, he won't care..he'll just say you're crazy!
If you want to get things out and off your chest, do what others here have done and write a goodbye letter, and post it here... but DON'T send it to him.
My ex used the "crazy"
April 20, 2012 - 1:15pm — KSam80My ex used the "crazy" accusation trick all the time. That was his biggest weapon that he used to manipulate me.
Whenever I was at my lowest, pouring my heart out, trying so hard to make him realize how I felt unloved, ignored, cheated on, betrayed... he would say "stop hogging all the crazy" or "if you just stop all the craziness we will be fine".
Meanwhile he was cheating on me for three years, on dating sites, web cam sex, facebook chat, etc... you name it he was doing it. Yet he convinced me that I was the crazy person who was emotionally unstable and the cause of all our problems.