eyeswideopen- my story

Hi Ladies,
Its been nearly three months since my husband chewed me up and spat me, and walked out of our marriage like I never existed.
I came across this site just after it happened and purchased the path forward book.. wow it saved my sanity!!!
I have been playing this dance with him for 7 years..

When we were together 7 yrs ago, he started getting very friendly with a co worker, he left me after 6 months and went on to get engaged to her. He always came back to me every few months, At the time i didnt know that he was with her or engaged.

For 2 years this went on, i found out later that when he was on "breaks from
her" he would come back to me.
He was always torn btw wanting to be single and wanting to be in a r/ship.
Anyway to cut a long story short he came back 4 yrs ago. I t was on and off to start with, he'd say he didnt want a serious r/ship one day and that he did the next. he said he would just date me and he would tell me if he slept with anyone else!!! well that happened the next week!!

then he invited a girl he was sleeping with previously down from syndney to stay with him and he couldnt see why i would not be okay with that.. anyway by this stage i had enough and i told him i was done!! I asked him what he was so afraid of and his response was " my worst fear is one day you will find out who i really am, and you will leave me!!

Two weeks later he called and begged me to see him, told me it was always me he has loved, that he wants a family and to be married and to have a normal honest relationship.

This was like music to my ears, of course i had my doubts and my intincts were going crazy wondering how he could be so against a r/ship one week and then completely up for it the next..

but he was sooo convincing and i loved him sooo much, he was amazing he adored me, put me on a pedastal, was so loving and romantic and caring and i moved in with him pretty much straight away, six months later he proposed.
one year later we were married. looking back there were lots of things i felt were not right within the r/ship but i over locked everything and made excuses for alot.

Things werent too bad till right after we got married... overnight he just change.. first it was little things, then b4 long i felt like nothing i did was good enough, hed pick fights, scream and yell, ignore me for days, tell me it was all my fault.. that i had issues and he didnt know how much longer he could live with a my childish beahviour! i had no idea what he was talking about and he was such a master manipulator i always believed he must be right.
so i tried harder and harder and he did nothing, gone was the happy, charming romantic man i married. instead he was depressed, angry, cold and distant.

He became a real jekyll and hyde. I was confussed and tried to rationalise his behaviour! he started flirting with the girls from his work and i couldnt shake the feeling something was going on, but this stage he was still telling me he loved me everyday, we were trying for a baby ( had recently had a miscarriage)sex was still great, but he was different.

His behaviour was out of character he no longer respected me, my feelings and he just didnt care. after his work amas party i knew something had happened, thats when i saw the real him, he turned on me, i barely reconised the man in front of me, he was abused, cruel cold the lot..
My gut intinct was telling me something had happened that night with a co worker of course he denied it!!!

then one night he came home and said im done. im moving out in two weeeks!!! he just went into rages, took all the money out of our accounts, was cruel and he even told me her was a narrcisst and that he had no change at all.
he said he was the same man he was 7 years ago and that he had just been acting!! he said this is the real me, and i dont give a fuck if you see it now, cause im done with you!!!

he has no friends, no family he sees, he has wiped most people from his life, he cant hold down a job, always wants to move house!
i have seen him treat others in his life like this over and over but i guess i just didnt think he would do it to me..
he did finally admit that he cheated on me with a co worker.. when i asked him why he said " I had the best night out at my work xmas party, flirting with all the girls, i didnt think about you, or being committed! i just had fun, thats what living is about.. marriage is boring!
he said he felt alive and happy being with her, like he did at the start with us...he said he knew that if he told me i would leave so he thought he would get out first! wow!!!
intially he was texting saying he was sorry he fucked everything up and he misses me but once he moved out i have heard nothing from him!!!!

i found out at easter that he is seeing the girl he cheated on me with( surprise, surprise)

the thing that blows my mind is that he clearly knew all along who he is that he is narcisstic, he often told me he was not a nice person, and that he was different around different people, but when i heard him say the words..
" I am a narrcisst " i was shocked, has anyone else experience that!!
sorry i eneded up telling my story that wasnt my intention, kinda just all came out!! thanks for listening