5 months after... And all I can say is wow.
This has been one hell of a ride. I cannot honestly say this was the "worst" breakup I've ever experienced but I can say without a doubt it was the most confusing and emotional I've experienced.
I struggled for a long time initially in dealing with the anger... Even hatred, and I do not use that word lightly. Normally cool headed and logical, favoring reason and self control I found myself seething, stuck in my head trying to find a logical conclusion to the madness - which only lead to more confusion, emotional loops and thus more frustration and anger. I obsessed over it, trying to understand why, I had an overwhelming urge to break something (Preferably the OG's face..) so I took it out on my punching bag, every day for multiple hours until I had to buy a new one.
Still I was angry, and not myself. I felt out of control and I really was, the whole thing was clouding my thought process and distracting me, which in my line of work is a very dangerous.
Nothing seemed to work, I took vacations, reorganized my entire house, hit the gym like I was possessed, ran until I could barely shuffle up my walkway home. I was still angry, now I was exhausted on top of it.
But it was getting better, looking back I can see that now. The only real remedy is time. Every day the anger was less intense even if it didn't feel that way. Soon I thought about it less and less but still got angry, then the duration of those emotions lessened after each flashback or trigger.
I still think about it, and I'm sure I will for awhile. I just don't get angry when I do. I still have my flashes but they don't last. It's mostly disappointment. It's the kind of disappointment you feel when you order something new at a restaurant and it looks good when you first get it but after you take a few bites you realize it tastes like shit - well I won't get that again...
So while I might not be posting on here as much, I will be around and always willing to PM or give some advice if I think I can.
I just want to thank each and everyone of you for the kind words, the advice, support and encouragement you have given me since I first joined. This is a great community and I am really glad I stumbled upon it.
I really am feeling like I'm getting back to "me" and while I still have a ways to go I really am feeling much better.