28 years. I am glad I am free.

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#1 Apr 4 - 10AM
Skb
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28 years. I am glad I am free.

Don't get me wrong. I am truly glad it is over between us. I have peace in my heart. I am happy. I am getting my life back after the most horrible year I have ever lived through.

But I still cry every day. I cry because I just don't understand how you could have lied to me the entire time we were together. About EVERYTHING.

First It was about Zach. He never lived with you. You lied about that. About the child support that you said you didn't pay, and was putting in an account for Zach. Then you lied about him moving back with his Mom. Then about her taking you back to court. Why? Why lie?

But the worst is Christi. Those lies are the most heartbreaking. You lied about her the entire time. She and I have spent hours talking and texting. You would spend the night with her. Is that why you lied about Zach? Then you started your "slide." Little by little you pull back from her. You told her you would show her girls a healthy relationship, and then you fucked her over and made them watch....for months!!

With me, it started the night you came home from Hawaii. You stopped telling me you loved me when we made love. It was the same thing with her. You emptied her things out of your drawer and moved mine in. Then you packed mine away and moved in Michelle's.

I gotta hand it to you. You always have someone lined up before you "slide" on out. It truly is sick. All of the things you said to me, all of our plans, and dreams of a life together....all just sick lies on your part. Part of the "con."

I did everything for you. I shopped, bought you presents, gave you money, gave you my endless loyalty, love, trust, hope, and faith. I believed you were who you said you were. I trusted you with my body. I would never have shared it with you the way I did if didn't believe we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. But you were with Chris almost the entire time. And once Michelle got word you and Chris weren't together, you started seeing her. You were probably sleeping with her already the night we went to Dayton.

But nothing matters to you because you aren't capable of loving anyone. YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. YOU ARE BROKEN. You were broken when you were married to Connie, and she left you because of it. I read her words....lies and manipulation. She left you because you lie and manipulate everyone. Truth has no meaning to you. You trust no one. You love no one....especially yourself. You are full of self hatred. And your arrogance is a show. BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH. You don't have a friend in the world and your own son wants nothing to do with you. And you have no idea why. Well I know why.

You treated me with malicious cruelty that is beyond my ability to comprehend. You called the police rather than speak to me. But you did me the biggest favor you could have ever done. Because I see you for who and what you truly are. A man with no empathy, remorse, love, compassion, heart. Just a sick shell of a man.

The sad part is that someday that manager job will be gone, the big house, the nice car, the women will be gone once all that is gone, the sex will be a thing of the past...the kids wont come around, and it will be just you. Just you, no one to lie to any more, no one to "con," maybe then you will take the time to think of what all you did to me, the others too, but to me especially. I was loyal for the longest, and then you drove me away too. But, hey, you DID win. And it is the WIN that counts. You can say I was the psycho stalker bitch from hell that just wouldn't go away.

Well, even stalker bitches eventually heal and go on with their lives. But they go on stronger and more empowered and more confident and more beautiful inside than BEFORE they loved you. They make wonderful, lasting, loving friendships (i.e., Christi) and they realize that they will NEVER AGAIN give their heart to a liar. Or a manipulator. Or a narcissist. But especially to someone who takes away their voice. Never again. And for that I thank you.

And don't think I haven't forgiven you. Because I have. I forgive you and your brokenness. It wasn't easy, but I fasted and prayed, and I did it. I did it because I am a better, more loving, more giving, and more compassionate person than you can ever hope to be. And if you ever reached out to me and asked for my forgiveness, I would tell you.

The day of loneliness and reckoning is coming for you. I hope you get through it. No one can help you. You will be on your own. Just you and God. I hope you survive. I really do.

Apr 9 - 6AM
SundaySmile
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vox humana