I was reading something on narcissism last night, and a link was within the site, leading to a message board. It was a message board for mainly women/wives who have been cheated on, and also on the site, were the 'mistresses' of married men, and their stories. It was nothing short of sad and fascinating.
What was fascinating, is that the stats are overwhelmingly high that married MEN typically don't leave their wives for the OW. The reasons can range from money, to the kids...to just fearful to leave. But, the OW on these sites were there to say that was true. They waited and waited...stayed in the shadows of this man's main life, only to be dumped...and the guy goes back to his wife/kids, etc. This isn't to say there aren't marriages that just aren't working, and men left. But, TYPICALLY...the law of large numbers states that men don't up and leave their wives for the other women. UNLESS the wife finds out and wants him to leave.
What was even more interesting, was the stories the wives were telling, as to when they found out about the affair(s)...and confronted their husbands...the husbands totally threw the OW under the bus. Saying...''she's a whore.'' or ''she is crazy, I'm not into her, she keeps coming onto me.'' or ''it was nothing...sex, and that's it. I don't love her.''
On and on the tales went. It was very sad. I thought of some on here who have been with married men. And I can't help but think what does he tell the wife about you. And what did he tell you, about his wife. He is throwing the OW under the bus to the wife it seems, and throwing the wife under the bus, to the OW.
The OW on the site were saying that the guys they were with, were saying how crazy their wives were, how they never had sex, how their wives weren't into staying fit...and on and on the lies went. I wish I could find the link again, I'll have to look...because one wife who is now going through a divorce after catching her husband in three affairs...HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME...HOLY COW...said that she knew she wasn't perfect, but this isn't how you handle it. You either work on your marriage, or leave the person, she said. Cheating just removes any potential for working on it, from that point on, she said.
Her ex husband sounded like a colossal narcissist. She sounded in good spirits, however.
At the end of the day, everyone. If you encounter a married man/woman, run the other direction if they are coming onto you. For it will always end badly. VERY FEW result in the guy/woman leaving their marriage for you. And there's an old saying, 'you date a cheater, you marry a cheater.'
I know of very very very few marriages in my own social circle, that came out of affairs, and are still going strong. I can't help but wonder though if people that enter into such unions from an affair, forever not trust the person he/she married, because...well, he/she met from having an affair.
It was very eye opening. It made me want to share this, because some here were the OW, and are reeling from being dumped by the married guy. Know this. Whatever he is telling his wife, most likely, is not making you look good. He told you he loved you...but in reality, he just wanted to escape the responsibility and stress of his everyday life. And he's telling his wife that most likely, you were the seducer, and he was weak...boo hooooo...or some variation.
So, if you can't believe why he would go back to his wife, looks like the stats show... that is the norm.
Anyways. Just thought I'd share this.
*disclaimer...I know some here have had affairs, and this isn't about your situation. Sometimes, we do things in life because we got caught up in the moment. This isn't to judge that. I posted this more to show that married men don't leave their wives, and if you are dating a married guy in hopes he does...he most likely won't. And he most likely is just using you. :(