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Survived another morning...
Khryalasi
Member since:
1 year 8 weeks
1 year 8 weeks
Last activity:
1 year 6 weeks
1 year 6 weeks
Survived another morning...
Posted March 30, 2012 - 11:31am
...without writing him, although I was SO tempted!
But it wasn't like yesterday morning, when I was going to write to say that I missed him and wish he would be nice to me.
No, this morning I woke up angry. Not just angry...ENRAGED. How dare he put me through this crap??
So I almost wrote him a single line: "How the F*CK do you sleep at night???"
I actually got out of bed before the alarm went off (which is HUGE for me, lol!), marched out to the living room and got on the computer, fully intending to write that one line...then I thought about this site, and remembered what so many of you have said, that to narcs, ANY attention is GOOD attention, even when it's bad.
I told him that I was going to leave him alone until he could treat me with respect. We all know that day will never come, but, for me to write him -first- would be letting him know that I don't really mean it, that I'm pining away for him, that he still has power over me.
So...heading off to work WITHOUT writing the email!! 8D
I hope everyone has a peaceful Friday! Ttyl!
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
I hope you had a peaceful
March 31, 2012 - 7:39am — SparrowI hope you had a peaceful Friday as well!
Temptation is something that you will find yourself struggling with every day in the beginning. This is where you develop your strength. And with each new day and each new accomplishment, you will find yoursellf getting stronger and stronger. And you will begin telling yourself "I can do this" and you can.
Keep up the good work. It is hard to control the urge to reach out, just remember what you are reaching out to, not the illusion, he's gone, you would be reaching out to the unmasked disordered man. That should be enough to stop you from following through with the urges!
Good luck and stay strong!
So true
March 31, 2012 - 3:48pm — jaime17"just remember what you are reaching out to, not the illusion, he's gone, you would be reaching out to the unmasked disordered man."
Wow, sparrow, that just hit home for me. Before I went NC again yesterday the final straw came in the form of an email he sent me asking me to join a swinger site so we could find a couple to play with and then telling me he thinks of me when he's screwing his wife. And a few days before I get the email where he outlined all the lies he's told his wife about what went on between us. The mask is forever dropped here. It's like he can just be his disordered freak self with me now, without pretenses of even trying to act like a normal human being. The man I thought I loved is long gone. But what I can't quite wrap my head around is that he's dropped the mask with me but he still wears it around others, and I assume he's 'put it back on' to some degree for her, since he's trying to get back into her good graces. How does a person do that? It's diabolical.
Bravo, so hard to do and you
March 30, 2012 - 9:12pm — Janie53Bravo, so hard to do and you did it!
Yippee! You did the absolute
March 30, 2012 - 8:59pm — JourneyYippee! You did the absolute best thing for yourself! So proud of you, that is what it takes, one day at a time and eventually you won't even consider breaking NC!
Enjoy this victory for what it really is - you showing yourself more care than you are for HIM - while also building your inner strength and power that he would only destroy if he had the chance - don't give him that chance - stay strong!!
hold steady, you did good and
March 30, 2012 - 6:47pm — phantom adorationhold steady, you did good and it takes so much power to do what you did and even more power away from him....
VERY WELL DONE!
March 30, 2012 - 6:32pm — wshKudos!
Haha, thanks, guys! Home
March 30, 2012 - 6:03pm — KhryalasiHaha, thanks, guys! Home from work and not even REMOTELY tempted to write the prick.
You're all fantastic! *Hugs*
Keep the NC buzz alive.. WE
March 30, 2012 - 1:02pm — HunterKeep the NC buzz alive..
WE would all love to say that.. But whats the point??
All you get in returns is abuse and " scrambled eggs"
Hunter
Powerful move not contacting him!!! POWERFUL!!!!
March 30, 2012 - 11:58am — LaylaGood for you! I am proud of you!
You are on your way!!! YAY You!
Rage and anger are perfectly normal emotions to feel early on though this.....I still deal with anger at almost 10 months out myself......it comes and goes now........
Hang in there, No Contact works when you work it!
love~ Layla
Great job, K!
March 30, 2012 - 11:40am — spinningI know how hard it is, especially when the anger hits...
...You are getting it! STARVE THE F'N BEAST.
Going back on your word would send the exact message you outline above...That's not acceptable in K's new world!!!!
I am so proud of you. Press on! Great things are in store, you'll see!!
Sincerely,
(not) spinning. JUST GRINNING AT THIS VICTORY!