My therapist told me yesterday when I said to him, the exnarc said I was 'smothering 'him , why ?and he said they want intimacy and all that goes with a loving, committed relationship but they CANNOT handle it due to their personality disorder, they cannot be healed by us, it is in the fabric of who they are, it is not curable, unlike other disease. there is nothing you can do to help him but you must help yourself and move on, get therapy from a good therapist trained in personality disorders, it is worth its weight in gold.............He and and I were saying there are so many people out there with personality disorders of one kind or another.it is sad.

Of course they WANT to feel these emotions. Many here need to realize they are human beings, they live amoung us, in society, and most very productively. They want desperately to be able to have these feelings, like everyone else, and attempt to, but fail at it. They are incapable because of the part of the brain they use and the many years of conditioning to be otherwise, protecting themselves.

But with that said, in no uncertain terms should you attempt to help them to heal. You will never make a difference in their life, you can try all you want but will fail. They can not get the help needed because it would take many, many years and more work, effort on their part and they just don't have it in them.

Let's face it, if you spent a life time convincing yourself that you were the grandest of them all, would you work hard to undo that and face the reality that you are nothing but a crippled, disgusting human being with no promise in life? Of course not. That is how they feel about themselves deep down and they spend every waking moment of their life suppressing those thoughts and feelings in order to survive. Hence, the illusion......

The sign at the zoo that says "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" is posted for a reason. Same goes here with trying to "change" or "help" the disordered.

Step away from this relationship, heal, and once you do, seek a relationship with a man who does not have such a heavy bag of hammers to carry around with him.

Good luck and be strong. You can do it!

I am so sorry you are struggling today :-(

I think there are different levels of N. And if someone has a high degree of narcissism then there is no hope for them to be normal. I have read that N's are just "wounded children" caused by their childhood circumstances ie bullying, abuse, demanding parents. I was watching the Dr Drew show during the time that Arnold Schwarzenegger was caught cheating on his wife with the house keeper (sounds like the game Clue ha ha) anyway he said that Maria should not divorce Arnold that arnold was just a wounded child and therapy would help him and their marriage would be better than ever. Dr Drew did not go into detail about why.

I also wonder if hormones and vitamin deficiency play a role in their bad behavior. Men go through menopause (their testosterone levels drop as they age) so it makes me wonder if they have a monthly hormonal change just like us that affects them but no doctor ever discuss this. Women who are in jobs that are predominately male dominated have higher levels of testosterone but when they leave that job for a female dominated office their testosterone reduce and men's testosterone levels drop significantly when their wife gives birth it's natures way for the father to bond with the child. I have also read that if a man is impotent that he has a vitamin D deficiency which also causes depression. I think hormones/vitamin deficiency play a big part of how they behave along with the Guy code that is instilled in them when they are kids and boys lying to each other for ego they dont want to be the bud of the group jokes.

How ever I have also read there is no help for P's it is a brain disorder their wiring is different and they have more white matter than a normal person.

The bottom line is your bf has to find his answer to his problem you can not save him.