Prayers I called my ex Narc out publically

Prayers I called my ex Narc out publically
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Help, advice and prayers needed for strength.

I have been in NC for over a month and half now but for those who know it has been from the silent treatment as well. I only sent one tex the day he told me to call, and a few phones on VM to say we are over no longer putting up with wish we could be nice to each other blah blah blah, and please take me off the social media site as loving me etc.

I have to keep it has large following and business related. We had no followers in common being that he followed mostly trash monkeys and made mistake of telling him to take me down we wouldn't pass each other as we had none of same in common.

I blocked him about 3 weeks ago, and have peeked at page to help myself see him flirting, talking porn etc to get myself out of fantasty he still loved me. Well he has been trying to get my attention, fliritng, talking trash etc. That didn't work, now calling me out in a covert way, that didn't work, now adding about 300 of my followers, married pious people that didn't work. Now he is thanking and blessing people all over and being so suave, intelligent flirting that hasn't worked.

To be honest for 3 years it has always been me joking , and calling until he would pick up and start talking again Not anymore. He is no longer getting any reaction from me, no calls, no texts, no emails, no unblocking, begging or following him on site. I think he is stunned. My BD came and went no apology nothing.

So yesterday he makes a scene about someone blocking him, that is following me so he can " pray " for her since she asked a general prayer. I don't know why she blocked as I haven't discussed with her and only a few people. But people can plainly see we are on at same times not conversing or sharing articles or acting as a couple. So he kept saying how wonderful he is to everyone and must be a mistake until she came and followed him again and vs versa so drama drama drama. Then prayed for her joked and said sorry for drama. Then a woman came in making a scence that no one better block him , blowing him kisses etc. Made my stomach turn, as he still has up he loves me. Makes me feel like I can't interact with others on my site and not look cruel or bitching for not addressing him etc.

So today I wrote him in public on our sites, supposedly blocked to a point others can't see can't private message as I have him blocked can't text or vm as he ignores. So asked him to please take me off his site profile. Hoping he does as it will help me never look back.

Prayer and any suggestions or thoughts so I can keep focoused and feel support as I am not getting any on site I can't tell anyone or from him. THank you and appreciate you all.

sunrising's picture

Hi White Rose, before I found

Hi White Rose, before I found this site I knew I needed to not answer his emails, phone calls etc because of the pain it was causing me and the set backs. but I wanted him to hear how he hurt me, I wanted to hear his voice (sadly), etc. its part of the healing process. We have to go through the grieving process denial, crying (not sure the name), anger, then acceptance. I had my set backs to, I wanted our mutual friends to know my side because his was full of lies so we have all been where you are so dont let other here tell you which part of the grieving stage you are suppose to be. Logically no contact make sense but emotionally it does not unfortunately especially that you have to been in contact for business. This nightmare that we are in takes time to heal. You are doing an wonderful job with all of your resources ie counseling, books etc. And you will get to a great place so please don't worry what others say to you that is negative follow your gut

Deidre99's picture

Whiterose...we have all been

Whiterose...we have all been where you are. I think what Hunter is getting at is really just that...if we keep ruminating about the ex N's...we will never really heal. Therapy or not. We won't. We have to eventually say...hey, I've had enough of caring about what this person does/doesn't do...says/doesn't say ...thinks/doesn't think about me.

If you still want to 'set the record straight' with a narc...then, you are just falling into his game. You're not succeeding at healing...you're setting yourself back. That's all. I think you're doing great...but, we are here to just give advice as to what we're reading. I fell backwards a few times in NC last year, and sometimes people's advice here was hard to swallow. Thing is. Coddling and hugs can only go so far. Eventually, we have to really make a conscious effort to abandon these narcs once and for all...and all that they think about us. In the end...if he posts that he still loves you, it doesn't matter. You don't.

And that's what matters. ONLY WHAT YOU THINK MATTERS. So, that's all I think Hunter was trying to get at. Keep opening a wound, it will never heal, in other words.

Stay strong!!

Hunter's picture

WR

You asked for Help..

However you seem to want to hear what yo want to hear..

Do what you want.. This was done by Narc design .. But it's clear you know better..

Hunter

WhiteRoses's picture

I know I need to stop coming

I know I need to stop coming here for advice at this point. I have prayed and cried for others and always been kind but man some can be cruel. I asked for advice, already said I took down and TY, Was trying to explain my position as well as the fact I was confused it was mentioned to me, by minister and therapist. I warned about this happening, but just was reaching out in my time of need for advice. TY for it.

Hunter's picture

My mother is a perfect

My mother is a perfect example of this..

There is nothing wrong with her except occasional gas!! Yet she goes from Doctor to Doctor looking for the answer she wants.. What diagnosis she is looking for I have no idea.. Would cancer make her Happy?? Sometimes I think it Might..

If you were told you would get negative feedback.. Again why ask??

I think You need to read read all of this .. Take out your emotions and really read..

You must remain No Contact.. If your talking about this with the minister.. And who ever you are remaining in a drama addicted cycle..

Sometimes the truth hurts.. Take it for what's its worth..

Hunter

WhiteRoses's picture

As long as it makes you feel

As long as it makes you feel better to keep slamming go ahead. That is your choice. Seems to me I am moving ahead, getting therapy , reading books and asked an opinion. Some are told to talk to therapist and ministers now others aren't ok whatever. I said I took down but beat me while I am down but be there for someone that is still going back after 3 years ok. I worked for Domestic Violence in the court systems for years and CASA helped others just didn't see it in him as he was wonderful at first and most time, until silent treatments. It is my understanding legally if I asked to have posts erased and account deleted, mods or webmaster should oblige. TY for your time as I no longer need more abuse when crying and hurting, nor my information out there.

By the way Hunter, told you 3 times, ty friend, I deleted but you want to continue to slam and assume. But don't worry I am sure you will all mock and build you up once I am gone.

Now as for needing it for business it is a way to promote what I do and have been successful at but don't need to come here to get abused.

No I was warned not to come to this site if you are fragile some lash out to be cruel. That is all please delete my account and all my posts at this point.

Blessings, prayer and healing to all.

WhiteRoses's picture

As long as it makes you feel

As long as it makes you feel better to keep slamming go ahead. That is your choice. Seems to me I am moving ahead, getting therapy , reading books and asked an opinion. Some are told to talk to therapist and ministers now others aren't ok whatever. I said I took down but beat me while I am down but be there for someone that is still going back after 3 years ok. I worked for Domestic Violence in the court systems for years and CASA helped others just didn't see it in him as he was wonderful at first and most time, until silent treatments. It is my understanding legally if I asked to have posts erased and account deleted, mods or webmaster should oblige. TY for your time as I no longer need more abuse when crying and hurting, nor my information out there.

By the way Hunter, told you 3 times, ty friend, I deleted but you want to continue to slam and assume. But don't worry I am sure you will all mock and build you up once I am gone.

Now as for needing it for business it is a way to promote what I do and have been successful at but don't need to come here to get abused.

No I was warned not to come to this site if you are fragile some lash out to be cruel. That is all please delete my account and all my posts at this point.

Blessings, prayer and healing to all.

Snowflake's picture

White Roses

You dont need a social website for a business, what type of business is it..just have a website?

Or change the social site to another one, there are plenty around.

I am sorry but I dont believe you 'have to have' these things.

If you want it badly enough do something about it, dump the social site, do NC properly.

Layla's picture

It's our sisters in recovery that have been in your shoes...

...that are going to work their hardest to pull you away from the fire that continues to burn you.

Please know where advice is coming from here. It's coming from others who have felt the pain, and have been abused just like you have. Everyone here is offering support from their hearts without any compensation other than knowing we tried to save others from the fates we suffered at the hands of a PD.

Hunter is all heart, all woman. I know this. Her strong lioness attitude is who SHE IS. We are all different, but our message is the same. No Contact is the ONLY, ONLY way out of the pain. It's really the ONLY way, I promise you.

love~ Layla

Layla's picture

Power and Control

Anything you "ask" them or "order" them to do they are going to do the opposite. They do what they want to do always. They only time they "go along" with anything you say or ask is because it is going to benefit them in some way.

If he knows something bothers you he is going to keep doing it to get a reaction out of you and it's working. Never show your cards to a PD. They cannot be trusted to do the right thing- EVER. They know how to push your buttons and if you are on the "outs" with them- they will.

NC, NC, NC, NC!

love~ Layla

WhiteRoses's picture

TY Layla wish I knew if you

TY Layla wish I knew if you were on any other boards. I really appreciate you and all who have answered. I see exactly what you mean. I guess I thought and so did my minister that he would do so that he wouldn't have his rep tarnished even though I asked politely. I did take down so thank you all very much appreciate.

Going to minister and therapist at end of week. Wish you all well in your healing, life, journey , health and future.

Prayers to all

Layla's picture

I am just on this board!

: )

Stay with us here WhiteRoses, you won't always like the advice given, but we tell the TRUTH here, even if the truth sucks to hear!!!

love~ Layla

florence's picture

Hear Hear!!

Yes stick with us Whiteroses luv. Getting over the Narc is a long and sometimes torturous road. Imagine cycling uphill with 2 flat tyres, carrying a rucksack full of self-help books! Not much fun and there's always the temptation to give up - but don't!! Look forward to the day when you reach the top and can sail down the other side to sanity and freedom with the wind blowing in your hair! Bit cheesy I know - but what an image! Stay strong & NC. Love flo xx

freaked's picture

My dear, now why would you do

My dear, now why would you do this????

tch tch... bad move. you cheapen only yourself when yu call out on anyone...narc or no narc.

Stay TALL. Know your Worth. Respect your SELF. Translated, it means... do not stoop to their levels. Yu see, they have a thick hyde. We will get affected, not the narc.

Now on...plz remember to work towards EXIT LINES from your association with Mr Narc. That's the only way we can preserve our dignity. Never try to fight them lowlife.

WhiteRoses's picture

I didn't call him out I

I didn't call him out I decided to no longer be a victim, and let him cheapen me or embarass me by having a link to me with unprofessed love. I did it polietly and kindly with a professional air in a closed chat session that only he should see. I refuse to unblock him to give him a private message, then I would be playing into what he wants and he could make a scence when I blocked him again. .
I am not sure why others recommended and here they are saying no, I trust you all and maybe didn't explain it right to you? Did take down though
It was reccomended by a minister and a woman therapist I started seeing to move on. They thought it would empower in a positive way. I don't want a scene and didn't cheapen myself. I have class and moved on, don't call or text and have not stooped to any of his behavior.

Have to admit it did feel good to do, and if I had left it up and he took down ( i know apparently wishful thinking it would help me move forward) I want to know longer let him control my business profile with his.

Renegade's picture

You know, this really begs

You know, this really begs the question, how did anyone make a living prior to the internet??? Did Rockefeller, or J.P. Morgan, or Dale Carnegie need Linked In? Or Facebook? Or Twitter? to network with the business world? No! And neither do you.

Put it in its proper perspective. You will not live nor die by whether or not you have an active networking account on the internet.

I'm pretty successful in my field and I have a vast network of contacts - I do not use any social media outlet as a sole or even pivotal means to that end. I could disable my Linked In profile tomorrow and STILL have a means to remain in contact with every connection I've made. It's called a telephone.

I have also been involved with a stalker-ish narc. He is blocked in every way imaginable and I HAVE disabled accounts to achieve that end when necessary. My sanity and future personal happiness is far more important than any superficial business relationships I will ever have. I can always embark on a new career - I can't embark on a new Renegade - there is only one. And there is only one White Roses.

I left the game and the court is all his now. He has shown his ass numerous times since then to many people who now view him in a totally different (and unflattering) light. I emerged unscathed, but that wasn't accomplished without hard decisions, mental torment and total determination. Winning a PR war is not worth the mental price...again, I quit his game.

I don't know or care if he is alive or dead. I'm pretty sure knows those are my feelings about him at this point. When you refuse to acknowledge them, you cease to serve a purpose. As long as you remain embroiled in their bullshit, positively or negatively, you are supplying them and you will not have peace.

Deidre99's picture

I know what you're going

I know what you're going through. I belonged to a website last year, with my ex N. He would try to embarass me every chance he got. I NEVER called him out publically, as that is what he wanted. To make me look nuts, or whatever, most likely.

Thing is. This man doesn't care. Him keeping up that he still 'loves you,' is a ploy to also get your goat. And it's working. My ex N kept up all quotes and pics of me on his 'page' on that site. Long after we were broken up. I took the bait in the beginning, asking him to remove them, and guess what? He never did. lol NOT BECAUSE HE STILL LOVED ME...HE JUST WANTED IT TO BOTHER ME. It ceased to bother me, when I stopped looking.

I know you say this helps you in business. But, I dunno. Do you really need to use this site for business? What did people do before these sites? lol Business still got accomplished. I think that what you need to EXPECT is for your narc to indirectly try to hurt you through the site. And you have to just let it go...somehow, some way.

But, calling him out, only makes him think he got to you. And he did.

It takes work. It takes time. You're doing the hard work, and we all have setbacks. But, every time you look at his profile, you will get stung. My ex was banned from the website we belonged to. So, on occasion I still go on there, it's nice that he's gone. And nice that others saw he is a narc, apparently, even if they don't label him as such. For him to be banned, showed they no longer found his antics attractive. But, I no longer look at his profile. I did a few months ago, and he never took my pics or quotes down. lol I was able to shake my head and just laugh. You'll get there too, in time.

I just probably would try my best not to spend that much time there...if you can.

Hugs and hang in there. :)

Used's picture

HI,I told my exnh to go, that

HI,I told my exnh to go, that was 15 years ago, but I didnt divorce him for 5 years, so yesterday I bumped into his niece, and as the convo went on, she said I know you and narc are not together, but everyone knows you should be...lol...and will never get divorced WTF...he has been living with someone for 11 years and doesnt know he is divorced?......as I left I though, I couldnt care less that he tells people we are not divorced....THATS HIS STUFF NOT MINE.....
They are all such SADDO'S......

florence's picture

Hunter's Right

I don't really understand, why bother to put anything up in the first place? It's only going to reinforce the image of 'the woman scorned' which you really don't need to be! More like the woman sick to death of narc bullshit. The woman who should run, don't walk - in the opposite direction and don't look back. You had a moment of weakness, a wobble. Don't beat yourself up, but equally, don't do it again!! Stay strong. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And life is def too short for N's and P's. Flo xx

Hunter's picture

You just Fed the

You just Fed the vampire..

Remove that immediately .. He left that up in the first place.. To achieve this exact result..He just won this round..

Narcs are patient.. By posting what you did to the outsiders looking in you now appear to be the crazy one... Take that down NOW!!

Hunter

WhiteRoses's picture

I understand Hunter, but

I understand Hunter, but talking to minister I can't move forward with him doing , he is trying to get other women by leaving me up and disrespecting.

So I put I respectfully request, I have tried other forms of communication and you have ignored me for months. I put it in a hidden chat that was reccomended no one can see for now but him unless they go to my direct page .

If he takes down I am free right, or no? Wouldn't this make him take down?

Hunter's picture

You gave DEMANDS TO A NARC??

You gave DEMANDS TO A NARC?? Honey you just don't get it yet...

You must stay quiet ... It's just how it is.. He is going to do what he is going to do..

He doesnt give a damn what you ask, think or feel.. He's like a tornado .. Get out of his path.. If some are in the wake of the storm ..well .. They should have run.. Sometimes we think we can ride out the storm..

The Narc storm is too big to fight.. RUNNNNN!!!

Hunter

freaked's picture

Hunter is right. One Hundred

Hunter is right. One Hundred Percent.

we should not attempt to fight Windmills!!!!

WhiteRoses's picture

Ok ty yes do get have read a

Ok ty yes do get have read a lot but thought since he made demands of someone in public to follow, etc if I polietly requested he take me down, do it kindly etc he wouldn't want his pride hurt so he would do and not make a scene that could make him look bad. Since it is a simple nice request. You think he will get worse,Will go take down. Ty

WhiteRoses's picture

Gosh I appreciate you my

Gosh I appreciate you my friend. TY the only thing I am thinking is blocked, and now can move forward now he can be with all the trash monkeys or bless anyone he wants without me going crazy or looking crazy becasue I let him or we don't interact.

WhiteRoses's picture

Flo appreciate feedback yes I

Flo appreciate feedback yes I will never look back. Just he has an undying professed love with a link to my site and everyone thinks we are still together. Don't want up there anymore, I need to move forward and not have him have a hold over me with it. It is emotional abuse to leave up there and yet ignore me,etc. in my mind.