I broke NC..

I broke NC..
0

Looked at his website...I am so angry at myself.

He asked my advice over a month ago about his website, I gave him straight feedback, he didnt bother to thank me, I spent over an hour looking at it, when I said next day you could have thanked me, he said why, you ripped it apart. I told him that there was no room for egos in business, that he should not have asked my opinion if he wasnt prepared for honest feedback. That I did it as a favour.

He said you are a fucking weirdo.

I told him I had had it with him, that he was an ungrateful bastard and to fuck off.

He has changed his website and implemented everyone of my suggestions to the letter, his website is great now just how I envisaged.

I am angry, really angry, fuck knows why I looked but I did. Angry that he called me a weirdo then followed my advice.

NC means no peeking, so I broke it.

Uuurgh drag me out of this pit someone please and talk some sense into me..having a bad bad week x

Goldie's picture

It take awhile to UNDERSTAND the exact nature of a PD

This is why understanding it is such a vital part of recovery for us. Most of us get sucked into these people because we have somthing in us which gets triggered by their behaviors AND OR we just can't comprehend HOW or WHY someone could and would be this cruel to us, so we keep going back to Satan looking for GOD. We go back to the scene of the crime looking for rightousness, justice, and truth and at the very least FAIRNESS.

IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. There is not truth kindness or justice to be found their.
Some say: Life is not fair and with a PD truer words were never spoken. There is NOTHING fair while involved with a PD. It is all about them, they do not care. Pure and simple. There are no other rules to this game with them. It is all about them, you are supply, and your feelings and thougths mean NOTHING to them.

You are nothing to them because they cannot and do not think and feel like others. They are sick. They are not right upstairs. The cognative dissonance makes this difficult for us to understand.

They do not care. They are defensive when given feedbadk which is less than perfect towards their greatness. This is NOT the way the rest of the world operates; just them.

They are not interested in your telling them they were wrong; they want to be praised, adored, and ageed with regardless to what they do or say to you.

They will treat you badly, say it is your fault, and get angry if you have the nerve to respond to any of their bad behaviors.

We break NC because WE are still trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. We are still looking to them for validation, approval, and common human decency.

IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN because this is NOT the nature of a PD.

Once you GET THIS and I mean truly get this, on a gut level, with every ounce of your being, then you will be free from the desire to go to them looking for ANYTHING.

They don't have it to give; the well is dry.

We were brainwashed by them and the recovery process includes deprogramming from their lies, corruptions, and mind games.

One day, dear Snowflake you will wake up from this bad dream and say: OMG I GET IT. I am looking for something from someone who is a mental, emotional, and spirtual cripple. This take retaining your brain to see and accept them for what and who they are.

Not how you wish or want them to be, how they actually are.

You are closer to this than you know. All the hours you have spent learning and releasing your emotions are getting you closer to this point.

You have had a relapse in thinking; yet that is all it is.

As others have said, get back on your horse and ride away from him again.

You will get there. You are doing the work and it WILL PAY OFF.

God bless,
Goldie

Deidre99's picture

you could send him a bill for

you could send him a bill for taking your intellectual capital ...lol :)

just trying to make you laugh.

it happens. you looked. move on..and like hunter says. it could be considered validation as to what he is. they just can't give a compliment to us.

ugh.

i remember starting off with the ex N last year...he thought i was the smartest woman in the world. then, as time went on...and after we broke up...he referred to me as a 'dumb cunt.' ha wow, huh?

they are all the same. i pray you don't let this get you down...today's a new day! new possibilities. :)

Hunter's picture

Ok soo you looked.. Just more

Ok soo you looked.. Just more validation as to what he is..

Stop peeking..

Hunter

julesuk's picture

I broke NC too!

Snowflake please don't beat yourself up. It is hard sometimes to be strong 24/7. Especially when dealing with these disordered a***oles!

Like you I also broke NC today. I have been getting texts and calls on my cellphone from a number I do not recognise for the past week. Well today I just about had enough of the games so I responded "I don't speak to strangers" to which I get "I am a sex God" WTF!! and apparently I should be grateful and he can get better. Well LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE THEN YOU FREAK!

I so regret this as I think It will open a can of worms. I have changed my number but gone back to an old one and he is just trying on the offchance. They never go away.
Yours sounds like a prize dick to me. WAT A USER!

Who wants to be used as a place for them to purge all of their hatred towards everything. I certainly dont.

Lets have a better week next week. Enjoy the sunshine today its a lovely day out there. Do something nice and banish all negative thoughts from your mind.

Love and Hugsxx

Sparrow's picture

Snowflake, you do know

Snowflake, you do know better. Breaking NC in any way shape or form, allows for a boat load of dissapointment. And thats what you got. Hopefully you will remmeber this next time you think or feel about breaking nc. Remember, contact=pain.

As far as being called a wierdo, it's funny. Narc #2 wrote me a week agao out of the blue and informed me that we could no longer be friends because I was "wierd". Where did that come from? I have no idea, but all I know is that he tried to get a rise out of me, and didn't.

I am not wierd, and I know this. A year ago, if he would have said those words to me, maybe I would have questioned myself. The difference now, I have recovered, and his words mean no more to me than a hill of beans. That is where you need to get to.........indifference.

Start over, day 1 and forge forward. It's a lesson, and we all need lessons during our journey. I hope you are wiser for it now.

Good luck! Stay strong!

Snowflake's picture

Thank you

I let myself down but he doesnt know I looked, I just feel angry because it stilts my recovery, gets me thinking about him all over again.

Just a minor set back, hell the shitbag pinched my ideas without a thank you, never mind, he wont be getting anymore.

julesuk's picture

Just a blip

thats all it was. Pick yourself up and get back to NC with a vengeance. Ive come straight on here after my fucking stupid mistake and it helps me sooo much. It just reinforces what we are dealing with.
THEY ARE INHUMAN AND DONT DESERVE OUR ENERGY!

You sound like a strong girl and deserve so much better than that worthless piece of crap.

XXX

Snowflake's picture

Jules

Have you got the same narc as me, he would have said that..or shut it I know you want my cock..

I cant wait until I stop crying/feeling sad and start laughing about it all x

julesuk's picture

Shit week thats all it is!

Your'e up North arent you I'm in SE. Mind you mine was always trawling around in his clapped out old van. He did have a lot of nights away though. Pity we cant set some data sharing on these morons would be very interesting!!

Ive never hated anyone in my life but I really hate him. He is trying to ruin my life and bring me down to his level. I was there last year and don't want to go there ever again.

I dont want a heavy heart anymorex

Snowflake's picture

Mine is from

down South, but didnt have a clapped out van I dont think :) He has a printing company.

julesuk's picture

No bankrupt more like!

Mines on probation until July lovely eh. He couldnt hold anything down job, relationshit, kids NOTHING! He is poison with a capital P.
Just got another text "You think youre prim and proper" fucking idiot. Hes starting to get under my skin again, im being sucked into that vortex. How can I rise above it. I don't want to change my number again he can't manipulate me anymore.
I dont want him to take up rent space in my head. I hate him he is toxic, ugly inside and out, manipulative, lying, cheating, predator (sex with minor), narcissistic boney arsed, fucking moron.
THATS FEELS SO MUCH BETTER. Oh well onwards and upwards.
XX

florence's picture

How charming!

Who said romance was dead? Gawd luv, yes you will look back and laugh - keep that in mind. Stay strong. Flo xx