Every time he violates the order, it's a contempt wrap. It doesn't happen over night. I gave my son's father 3 years to completely bury himself - and he did. Then I whacked him with a motion for contempt and decided to request a modification of the existing c/s order if I was in court anyway. I was armed with so much evidence, it was nauseating. I kept meticulous records all along, knowing it was going to come to this eventually.

I know it's a PITA, but keep a journal of every violation of both the support order and the visitation order...you will never remember every incident a couple years from now. Record date/time, incident and fall out. Keep two separate folders for emails - one for visitation/one for support.

I keep everything stored on an external hard drive in case my computer crashes or some other tragedy occurs - I always have back up.

The hardest part is detaching emotionally from the situation. All I can recommend is that you treat your ex like you would any other business partner. And have your boundaries firmly in place - do not deviate, I don't care how nice he seems like he's being at the time. There is always a motive with them....always.

Treat that order as if it's a legally binding contract....because...it is. And hold him to it!!

You write it's a matter of "ownership & winning." It's a matter of the money he's coughing up in child support and controlling you. Extracting his pound of flesh for the child support & making YOU jump through hoops. It's all about control. And a man can control a woman through her children. Don't fall for it. Don't let him manipulate you via the children.

I know a woman who's ex is also a MD. He neglects the 4 year old terribly. Child comes back in the same dirty clothes, the hair not combed in 32 hours, no teeth brushing, and very hungry. Tales of being given coffee very late at night at a baseball game when she asked to be taken home because she was bored & tired. (Now what 3 1/2 yr old child can make up being given coffee to drink at a baseball game? But that's what he said, she made it up. And everybody believes him because he's a doctor.)

I would advise you to NOT remind him of anything. No engagement. If you "remind" then he will deliberately not do what you ask so as to bug you. Then if you chastize, he will deny. You cannot control him. When he has the children, that's that. Yes. They may be terribly neglected & do dangerous things. You must let go & try not to think about it.

But, with a MD, I think not much objectively bad can happen. He has to protect his image. No harm can come to these children really, because he would have to answer for that. His self-preservation instinct is greater than risking genuine harm so as to devastate you. There will always be low-level neglect. And all those "girlfriends" will be taking care of your children. Most women are nurturing. And most women think that if they help take care of his children, he will care for her. And if the children like her, then there is a better chance that the relationship will work out. So have faith in all those women who will be parading through the lives of your children.

I think what you call LC is very low contact. Never explain yourself. Never give details. No sentences starting with "I" or "you." Objective & brief does not include suntan oil or helmets. If you can fool him into believing that he's not bothering you, he will evaporate. These guys are really emotional vampires. They need to feed off the emotions of others. Your's is particularly dangerous because (if I remember correctly) isn't he a psychiatrist? An emotional manipulator who's in the profession of being an expert on what is good mental health. It's too creepy.

You must detach. Then he will find a new victim to feed off. What is more serious is the children's mental health. You do not want them to grow up into women who accept abuse from their lovers because that's what they saw their own mother do. Or boys who abuse women because that's what they saw their father do.