becsta777's story cont...
becsta777's story cont...
Round 2 - my story - is this guy a narc too?
I haven't posted in here since April. I thought I was all good. I'd read a ton of books on narcissism, had hours upon hours of therapy and healing work. I felt pretty good, I felt really positive and my son was getting older and easier to deal with and I was ready to meet someone again.
Anyway, I tend to ramble - I'll try to keep this short and too the point.
I was introduced to a man through a 'friend' of mine in September 2011 - This man showed a lot of interest in me and began to ask me out on dates. Initially, I wasn't that interested. He wasn't particularly good looking and he seemed a little boring, but he kept asking me to go spend time with him and was incredibly charming. He also loved my son and my son really liked him too, so I started dating him. A month after we started dating I liked him enough to sleep with him and WOW...it was awesome. I've never experienced anything like it. A month later he moved in with me and although I felt a lot of anxiety and apprehension about him moving in, he kept assuring me that he was 39 years old and desperately wanted a family and a 'normal' life (he's a musician who never married and no kids). He said he loved me and wanted his life to be different.
As soon as he moved in he changed.
He became arrogant and got an 'evil' look in his eye. He criticises me and everything I love, mocks me, picks on me for everything, and bullies me. I can do NOTHING right. He also lost interest in me sexually after a few weeks living here and seems perfectly content to live with me like a roommate. There is no connecting emotionally at all and he refuses to talk to me about our relationship. He watches TV all day or plays games on his iphone and wont talk to me and does not want to do anything with me. He is always angry with me about something and permanently in a bad mood, yet if other people are around he becomes very attentive and considerate towards me and acts as if he is totally in love. As soon as they are gone he goes back to his normal self. Around my family he acts like the perfect 'husband' and they all think he is wonderful. When I tell him I am miserable he makes out as if I have some kind of negativity problem and need help.
As for my two year old son, he insisted from the day he moved in that he call him daddy. I refused but he kept pushing and then I found out I was pregnant so I figured he might as well call him daddy. If my son doesn't want to cuddle him or go to him and wants to stay on my lap or in my arms he gets angry and very offended and seems to get even more resentful of me. He showers my son with affection yet completely ignores me.
Last week I had enough and I confronted him about it. I've already confronted him a bunch of times but he kept brushing me off and saying that I had a negativity problem. This time I was conscious of his manipulations and stuck to my guns. He'd had a LOT to drink and finally opened up. He told me that When I started to care about him and love him he lost interest in me. He said he's been like that for as long as he can remember. He also said he didn't love me. When I asked him to go to a counsellor he said he would but that they were all too stupid to 'see through' his facade and they always said he was fine. When I asked him if he was a narcissist he said he wasn't because he felt empathy. He said he felt more empathy for animals than humans, but when I asked him how he felt when he saw me crying, he said he felt 'afraid'. I asked him if he felt sad at all that I was crying and he said 'no' he just felt afraid because it meant I was unhappy and might leave him. He also freely admitted to playing games with people and messing with their lives because he was 'smarter' than them. He said I should be 'proud' of myself because I was the first person to ever call him out on his behaviour and get him admit to his real self.
When I said I wanted to break up he refused. He said he would not leave me no matter what because I was having his child. He also said that when I have the baby he would take it away from me.
This man is controlling my life and I feel trapped. He controls my finances now and questions me about every dollar I spend. Now he wants me to sell my car (we live in a rural town with no public transport) for no particular reason.
We are booked into 'relationship counselling' next Tuesday. Every part of me is screaming to leave him but I am having his child and I am afraid of what he will do.
Ironically, this man goes on and on about his ex girlfriend who was a narcissist. He knows a LOT about narcissism and thats kind of how we connected in the beginning. I thought he must be ok because he'd been through what I had. But now I wonder if he's not one himself.
I don't know what to do. I'm 14 weeks pregnant.