I have got to be out of here by 8:45....how could this possibly be hard???

I have got to be out of here by 8:45....how could this possibly be hard???
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you are describing my life for the last 2 years
March 27, 2012 - 8:01am — joyvbfla
1
Vote up!
Hi ........ When I got back to his house he was calm and then he started again. I was eating these candies I eat sometimes, he wanted a couple of them and then said, "Thanks alot you bitch, now you have got me addicted to sugar".....IS HE ACTUALLY BLAMING ME FOR HIM EATING SOME CANDY??? All of your posts really got to me. I went to sleep last night at his house. He started again this morning ......He says stuff like "if you want to be my wife, there always needs to be underwear in my drawer....go get some for me NOW" Its about 15 steps, if that to the laundry room, he can't go himself???
Now today, I have to do what he says all day....run errands for him, be his helper. He will give me one more chance to act "like a wife" because I never help him or act like a wife when there is work to be done.
I understand complety your post here, sunrising, as that has been my life. Especially the past 2 months. I leave, get in my car, go sit in a parking lot and cry because I don't know where to go. That is also why I packed all my stuff and got an apartment, in january. The problem is, like you say, I have been so programmed and he calls and I go back. Well, of course I look like a crazy person to everyone he talks to......I leave like that, then come begging back 1 week later. Now there is also the threat of "I am going to call my girlfriend if you don't do what I want"

So, he is at the gym right now swimming, and I have the choice to get my stuff and leave......or run around all day as he orders me around.
Why would I do that?? He spent over 6 hours on Sat. with another women while I was shopping with his kids.....then both saturday night and sunday morning, he goes to church without me (taking the kids) because he does not want his women supply to see him with me!!

This is so fucking absurb........I will post on here all day, but I must get out. I should call that phone number and see if there are counselors around at a shelter.
Joy

By the way, I know it sounds ridulous, but I post all these stupid things he says to get feedback on how crazy he really is. It has been my normal to hear this bullshit for the past 2 years, It can be very confusing. He said the most awful things to me yesterday..........told me how worthless I am, I don't help.....he does not want a wife, he wants a servant

Layla's picture

Joy.

Joy, I was completely brainwashed by my abuser too. He abused me in all ways possible, verbally, emotionally, sexually and physically. I had 4 orders of protection on him over the last eight years. FOUR. He is STILL on probation for violating one of the orders and because he tried to strangle me to death and he violently raped me. This is my HUSBAND Joy. A violent, sociopath narc who sounds eerily similar to the maniac you are dealing with. I knew my abuser was a violent person, but NOTHING could prepare me for the night he completely TURNED on my like a wild sociopath narc HE IS.

I am 9 months out now Joy. YOU CAN DO THIS! I had all the same doubts you have but you know what?? These clowns are COWARDS! SHINE SOME LIGHT ON THAT COCKROACH and WATCH HIM RUN AND HIDE! Get people involved! You'll see what a tough guy he really is!

I wish, knowing what I know now, that I would of followed through and stayed away YEARS earlier!!!

love~ Layla

sunrising's picture

Your husband is brainwashing you with fear and keeping you busy

good morning Joy,

The reason why your husband has you "running his errands" today is to keep you busy...why, because it you are busy running around town doing his errands you will be too busy to think about leaving him, think about how he treated you yesterday and he can go do what he wants to do be with his mistress. He is calculating this maneuver. This is what they all do. I was errand girl to my husband "can you go to the dry cleaners so that we will have more time together"...mean while he was at his mistress house and just wanted to spend more time with her and if I was busy I would not recognize that he was out all day and more importantly I would not ask where he was. Meanwhile the OW was doing his laundry as crazy as that sounds he would bring his laundry to her house for her to do. What I have read since leaving is a narc or sociopath will ask their target for a favor in the begin most people will help its in our genes to be kind but once you do a favor such as a chore for a narc they ask a bigger one, then another one and then once they have us trained they dont ask they tell and we ask how high should I jump.

My husband a grown man would not do any of his chores or errands he literally has every friend, family member and me (had) to do his chores. He would say "I need help". I bought into it ...made me feel good that I could help him...the problem is he did not need help he was just manipulating me....training me like a dog it part of the control they get a natural high from controlling people. Every human needs to do their own errands and their own chores we were taught as kids to be self sufficient. And by the way he never helped me with anything.

Your husband is not doing thing to be nice he is doing them to control you period. He does not want you to leave him but he wants to continue on with his cheating too. This OW he has her trained too. So he has two women doing everything for him and he is sitting back getting a sick kick out of how he can turn you both into puppets.

We have the power to brake away from our controlling manipulated husband it's easy WE START THINKING FOR OUR SELVES again as the old saying goes ALWAYS QUESTION AUTHORITY. When you are in this kind of relationship you can not think how but once you are out in reality world you know it is easy. When my brother was a freshman in college he rushed a frat and part of the process to become a full member was to be under the control of the full membership members. You do everything they ask no matter how off the wall or stupid you think it is. When I went to visit my brother and we were eating lunch at the frat the phone rang and literally every rushing potential brother got up and started running towards the phone I am talking 20 men it was bazar.....not my bother he only stood up and yelled "I got the phone" never running. I asked what on earth is going on and he said one of the rushing rules was all potential brothers had to run to the phone when it rang. My brother said it was a stupid rule but he played the game his way he never ran for the phone just pretended to run and no one questioned him ever. What I get out of that story now is it is easy to just jump on the band wagon and not question why are we doing things our abusive husband want us to but if you think why is my husband making me do such and such it will help you not to be in his crazy thinking world and more importantly it will help you to be the FREE THINKER like you once were.

Please call that number and talk to a counselor 800-799-SAFE. I knew i was in a abusive relationship but I never reached out until I left and it is a huge regret that I did not call the National Abuse hot line for help. They are trained and have lived the hell we lived and sometimes it helps to just talk to someone on the phone. I hope you will reach out today :-)

Joy, I too will check back here for your post so keep informing us how your day is going.

onwithmylife's picture

You are

sound like a very intelligent woman who has been brainwashed by a monster, FREAK, get out now, or else he will destroy you as he is already trying to do, How many more validations do you need?????? Remember insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. All my best to you but it is up to YOU to TAKE the action.......

Sparrow's picture

I beg of you to leave now and

I beg of you to leave now and never look back. Please do not fear what is ahead of you once you break free, what you need to fear is what lies ahead if you remain.

I will keep you in my thoughts today and pray for your safety.

Ophelia's picture

Leave. Go. This is not a

Leave. Go. This is not a healthy, loving, and above all SAFE relationship (mentally or physically).

Hunter's picture

Pack a bag .. And Drive to

Pack a bag .. And Drive to the shelter.. Do it..

Hunter

dudette's picture

Joy

Every time I read your posts I think you poor woman, you poor woman, please get out!

This is one of the worst cases that I have ever read about. Please leave now and save yourself! if not for you, do it for the kids. You have no idea of the damage they will suffer if you stay. Even if you think they don't know, they do. Believe me, I work for child protective services and I tell you, all the worst cases of messed up angry kids who end up in the care system that I work with, involve domestic abuse. They will not thank you for staying, they will not respect you for not protecting them from him....

Please, for them of you cannot see why it should be for yourself....
Dx

Goldie's picture

This is right Dudette

Joy, you are basically training his kids and your kids to put up with this insanity. Do you think for one second that his girls are NOT going to grow up and find a man just like dear old Dad? It's a done deal unless YOU get out and SHOW them that this is insane and a woman does not cow down to a man.

Also your children are being trained as we speak by their Mother that a mother puts a sick twisted perpertrator before them. What kind of message do you suppose that is sending to them?

I was in a relationship like this and not even nearly as bad, yet the feelings I had are similar to yours and I called the police 11 times on him in 9 months and finally he went to jail for 9 months.

My son who granted was older yet, I will never forget the look in his eyes, the shock, the dissappointment, and the YES shame, as he watched me ALLOW this man back several times in that 9 month period before he was sentenced to jail.

My X did far LESS than your perpertrator and he was sentenced to 9 months in jail.

Spitting on you, pushing you, shoving you, grabbing you are all considered battery and physical assault in this country. There are many men in jail for treating women this way.

Your perpertrator has done even worse and he is still stiing prety in his house getting away with all of this.

You need to understand that HIS words mean NOTHING and his is a sick bad person. He is the furthest thing from God which we are ever going to see in this lifetime.

He tells people that this is your fault BECAUSE this is the nature of abuse and control.

Blame the victim.

Who cares at this point what he says to others? Of course he is going to blame you, this is what they do. Other people are NOT living in this house; they have no clue.

I told you that mine told others that I was Bipolar, addicted to oppiates, and a trampl

I have no diagnoisis aside from PTSD, have never done drugs, and have always only had one man at a time.

Now, I could have freaked out about his lie's and tryed to PROVE to everyone that he was right.

OR

Trusted that I know what is true, consider the source (a crazy drug addicted PD loser), and just leave.

WHY??? Concern yourself with his words when the bottom line here is that he is going to eventually kill you. If not physically then mentally and emotionally.

Christmas Future........

Joy becomes a zombie who is a virtual prisonor and slave in her own house and has so many health issue's and emotional issue's that she cannot even get out of bed.

AND....

He looks at you and says, you are useless to me now, you are not even good as my slave and walks out the door and leaves you with......

NOTHING.

And this is only if he does not kill you first.

WAKE UP!!!!!!!

There is no happy ending or future here. This man is PURE EVIL.

Call the shelter NOW. Don't say, maybe you should do it; just do it.

Use the strength of US of this group and GOD to help you to muster up the courage.

We are here for you. We want you to chose LIFE.

God bless,
Goldie