free, yet chained

free, yet chained
0

Tortured for 23, mourned for few weeks, and today I assure you I am FED UP of being tied down to NH. Golly, the bugger doesnt budge. He has run through an exhaustive repertoire of men and women, but just did not walk away into the horizon as I had kept wishing he would.

I am sure there are many women here who are thus stuck with a rotten one. Yeah, I know divorce is a fantastic remedy...but what if one has no funds to hire an attorney? And if one did manage to find someone probono, then how does one manage to pay for life's expenses????

I am alternating between resignation and rage today.

It is dashed unfair that just because i married this nh, i must remain bounden for life ... where is free will and freedom? I wonder if even Abe Lincoln could solve this.

i do kick myself for not having walked out of this eff'ed up marriage within the first week itself...or at least in the first year... s***...I am now very annoyed with my stupidity in being scared of my father's rage and thus staying with this maniac.

Friends, I am feeling VERY helpless today. Kinda LOST...and certainly very enraged with society for putting us women through this shit.

phantom adoration's picture

guess this is how dull the

guess this is how dull the rest of my life is going to be...it is your choice. I realize how simplistic that sounds...it is not simple.
But if you rid yourself of all the reasons why you can't act, it will clarify your thinking. Don't get bogged down by the minutia.
Most cities, towns have free legal advice. You may have to do some homework, go online or to the library. You can get a comprehensive overview of what will happen in the process.
Most states recognize equitable distribution, so half of everything acquired during the marriage is yours, even his underwear if you want them.
You must think about you now. Start by setting aside some $ for you, take pictures of everything, make copies of everything, put them in a secure place or with someone you know cares only about you.
By staying with him your are committing emotional suicide.
Good luck and stay in touch.

Maggster's picture

Look for a pro bono attorney

I just looked at your profile and read what you posted. Re-read it. You deserve a happy and healthy life. Google pro bono attorneys in your area.
No giving up here!

dudette's picture

Freaked

Hey! reaching the anger stage, ok that 's normal.

I am not able to help a great dal with the practical side, I am from the UK and I never married my N thanks goodness...

I just wanted to send you a hug. Breathe in breathe out - it will get better

D x

freaked's picture

thanks a lot Dudette. Hugs to

thanks a lot Dudette. Hugs to yu too.

Life's ultra BORING for me with absolutely nobody who converses with me in a warm way.

guess this is how dull the rest of my life is going to be. Might as well come to terms with my solitary existence.

of course, i continuously wish i had stayed single rather than marry this narc.

dudette's picture

oh hun Life...

is ultra boring for women like us because we are used to the drama and the huge roller coaster...

I say all the time that life is so tedious, and yet if I look at it objectively I have a challenging job, a lovely son, plenty of activites, singing, zumba, a role in the community and well meaning friends ( as well as a devoted husband who has suffered much through all this crap)

Not enough hours in the day

You'd think it would be enough to keep me occupied. oh but no. I am not on tenterhooks, walking on eggshells, expecting some drama, receiving undercover emails and sms messages at all hours of the day and night, planning some romantic getaways and planning for a future that I know deep down will actually never materialise...

But hey, I guess that's my problem! in any case honey, life as I know it now, is tedious and sometimes it feels so alone with no one close to truly understand so I keep my outh shut about it all the time. to the point of not speaking at all sometimes....

so honey, double dose of hugs today. It will pass I promised, it always does.
good vibes to you
Dx

Snowflake's picture

dudette

I get that, I thought the same, my life is good compared to a lot of people, maybe too good, maybe some struggle would ease the boredom..I am sure that helped in the 'old days', not having supermarkets, having to shop every day for tea..scrubbing the donkey stone ha ha..

Laughing but my point is I think life has got too easy and with that becomes boredom..

I am looking to fill my life with a course in Sept, some crafty things, joining weight watchers too to sort this fat ass out..necessary as I cant fit in my clothes arrggghh.

I didnt realise you still conversed with N..where's it going hon and where does hub fit in ? x x

dudette's picture

ah no sorry

I may have written that wrong. I have been 16 months NC. but what I miss the most is contact, nothing much else to be honest, only because there is no-one, no-one who I feel understands me the way the pretend guy did....I have friends with whom I have lovely chats but nothing in miuch depth so it is what feels lonely really....

Snowflake's picture

Ah sorry

no I think I read it wrong..thank god for that :)