MrsD3's story

I have been with my N for 10 years and married for 8. We have 3 children. I am so glad that I found this site. I thought that I was insane. I knew that something was "off" and I just couldn't put my finger on it. I WAS an intelligent, educated, kind, caring confident woman and I found myself apologizing all the time and sacrificing my standards. Now I don't recognize the woman I see in the mirror.
Shortly after the birth of our third child, he began having an affair. I found out and he was apologetic, we went to counselling, etc. fast forward a year and I found out about the affair again. He had sworn every which way from Sunday that it was over...but as soon as he had me hooked again...he was back with her! This story plays out over and over and over again! The affair was my fault. I didn't pay enough attention to him when I had a newborn, toddler and preschooler and worked full time. I went to counselling myself and worked out making myself more available to him and compromised myself more!
Finally, this Valentines day I found out that he bought her $90 worth of flowers and I got dark chocolates (which trigger migraines) I called her husband and told him! He informed me that she was going to file a restraining order against my husband. She got on the phone with me and told me that she is afraid to go to work because of him. That he doesn't understand the word "no" Part of me believes this and I am sure that part of it is lies...either way, I finally had that ah-ha moment where I knew that he would never change. Then while i was trying to make sense of it all, I found this site. I am so thankful to realize that I am not alone. I am not crazy. I will get through this