Is there anything I can do?

Is there anything I can do?
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I am five days NC and it is killing me. I am obsessively stalking his profile on his dating site and I can't stop looking at his wife's Facebook page. What can I do to settle my mind down? I am quite proud that I've gone these five days but it almost seems harder the more time goes by. I want him to know how horrible he was to me. I want him to know that he did actually hurt me, even though he promised he wouldn't. He said I was the sweetest most compassionate person he'd ever met. How did he screw with that? I want him to somehow be punished for treating me this way. I am sure I am just one of countless women who he has duped. I just don't understand how I feel so yucky and he gets off without a blink of the eye. And is there any way his wife doesn't know what kind of monster she is married to? Should I tell her? And then a very small part of me wonders if he is just extremely flawed and I need to be a good friend and forgive him and try to help him? Thanks for letting me ramble and for giving me encouragement. I don't think I could have gone the past five days without this board.

heritage's picture

Ang

The punishment never lands in their lap. They seem to surpass punishment and it will only make you look worse. His wife is putting up a front, for the kids sake. If you break NC he will revel in the fact that you sought him out and he can respond with the silent treatment. And then you are brought down once again. Then it's back up the hill again, starting from the bottom.

Trainwreck56's picture

Dont break NC

I went 62 days the last time NC and went back, and he was
worse the second time around, Im 53 days into the second NC, and feel alot stronger than i did th last time!

If you do go back I'm telling you its not worth it!
Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can re: THE DISORDER THAT THESE BASTARDS have, it will save your life!

Runaway, stay away and keep away from them, they are nuts, its not you its them!

Been there and fucking done it, stay NC guard it with your life!

TW

Brit's picture

angie la

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't do it. You will open up a can of worms. You will never be able to fix him. He is hard wired this way. His long suffering wife is stuck with him ( she probably knows what he does anyway).

Concentrate on how lovely you are, how you deserve so much more. Leave them to it. You can go on to bigger and much better things.

There is a saying that if you lie down with dogs you come up with fleas, brush yourself off and leave the flea wridden pair to it.

It's not easy, I can't lie, but I promise you it gets easier, soon you will not need this fix. You will be free from his trap. It will take a lot of work but the benefits are so worth it. You are worth it.

Ophelia's picture

Angie-la, I'm so sorry you

Angie-la, I'm so sorry you are going through so much pain. Unfortunately there are no two ways about it, it is very, very, very, very difficult and painful, and especially at the beginning, it doesn't get better, it gets worse with every passing day.

You just have to ride this bucking bronco through the darkness, there's no other way around it. Hold on tight and stay strong, you can do this.

All of that other stuff, the wanting to tell him what an asshole he is, how much he hurt you, how demented his actions were versus his words, wanting to tell his wife, all of that must be set aside. We have all been through/are going through the same feelings. No good can come from doing any of those things. Your exclusive focus must be on healing yourself and rebuilding your life, full stop, and avoiding any interaction with him, because it's poison.

~2.5 mos NC for me and I still fantasize about telling the exN off in no uncertain terms, but there is simply no value in doing so. Knowing him he'd probably agree with me anyway (he said as much in his last communication with me, that he behaved like a jerk, thus attempting to demonstrate how 'enlightened' he is about his own flaws--but not enlightened enough to refrain from taking me for a terrible, hurtful ride in the first place and then D&D'ing me and at his age in his mid-60s there would be no excuse for that selfish cruel behaviour).But I digress.

Stay away from his pages, and his wife's. That's contact too. It all stimulates uncontrollable thoughts, hurts, longings, and prevents you from making your own closure.

You can do it Angie.

Hunter's picture

You need to block him so you

You need to block him so you can't look..

It's hard at first but once it's done it's done..

Then you need to set time aside to obsess .. I know sounds crazy but try..
Also thearpy and read like a loone.,

Hunter

tootsgee's picture

i think you could read read

i think you could read read read.. which is what Hunter will say.. educate yourself... its a good place to start by reading some of the favourites listed at the top of 1-3 steps section. and do yourself a massive favour and stop checking his fb etc.. there is only one thing that happens when you do that and that is you get hurt... xx

angie-la's picture

Thank you for responding. I

Thank you for responding. I have been reading everything I can and I think it's helping but I still can't stop focusing on his wife. Is it ever a good idea to tell? I need to stop looking at her facebook. It's making me crazy because she seems so cute and totally in love with him and their kids. I guess I just need to focus on me right now.

Hunter's picture

The wife is being abused you

The wife is being abused you can count on it.. Stay out of it..

She already knows what he is.. Trust me..

Hunter