What becomes of Narcs?

What becomes of Narcs?
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Since one of our primary goals as victims of N, to have NC with them ever, I don't know if anyone will be able to answer this question or provide any anecdotes.

I am wondering what becomes of N's/what ends, consequences they meet/experience as a result of their mistreatment of people, and women, in particular. Dr. Vaknin says that they wind up broken, alone, and/or destitute, but that's really vague because that can happen to anyone.

In my case, I was with a somatic N for 5 years who's probably ef'fed hundreds, if not, thousands of women around the world (his job took him abroad, or so he claimed) over the course of his 50+ years as a N. Nothing really bad ever seemed to happen to him. He was always "upbeat" and happy-go-lucky. Statistically, it seems impossible that he should have gotten away with murder for so long and not have to pay any kind of price. You would think a husband or boyfriend would've beaten the tar out of him by this point (I found out that my N targeted women who had significant others or children, so that way, they would be tied down so he wouldn't have to take care of them). I'm not sure if he's even ever had a STD as a result of his promiscuity.

onwithmylife's picture

mustmoveon

is probably a lonely old ,depresses man, in his late 60's ,he may have some women friends for companionship, but he moved away from his children and grandkids to go live in a small isolated town, had his last chance with me and he blew it just like all the other relationships with women before me, he is DONE.......

Trainwreck56's picture

WHO GIVES A SHIT!

I certainly do NOT care what happens to him at all!

53 yr. old friggin looser! Lives with MOMMY, his prmary source of friking supply!

I kinda wish he would have an accident On his HARLEY, end up
in a nursing home paralyzed!

Laying there doing nothing all day and no one visiting,
but i really do pity all those poor people that would be taking care of him! UGH

Fuck 'em, they treated us terribly, and we were never and after thought!

TW

prettypeeved's picture

Well, based on what slips

Well, based on what slips through my NC filters, what's happening to my narc is:

1. He occasionally meets a new victim. They quickly figure him out. He winds up alone again.
2. He struggles to find anyone who will submit to him for an extended period, and despairs of finding a long-term victim to give him stable supply.
3. His life is dull and boring.
4. He's increasingly trapped by his own choices but never sees it that way. Instead he's becoming ever more bitter about how life has "turned against him"
5. Every so often he takes a break to go off and sulk, feels a bit better for a while, returns to his old patterns, and ends up right back at square one.

Moving further into the future I can use my own father as an example. It's like a crystal ball for The Ice Queen of Narcnia:

1. He feels his life has been wasted. There are so many things he could have done (except he never tried) and so many things he should have done (except he never tried) and it's all someone else's fault (except it's his own).
2. When he tries to gather friends and family around him, he finds he has very little. His friends are shallow and vacuous users, and his family has little time for him after years of abuse. Even if he genuinely tried to change, the trust is gone.
3. He feels, generally, sorry for himself.

mystwoman's picture

Boy prettypeeved, this is xnh

Boy prettypeeved, this is xnh to a "T". You've nailed what happens right on the head It only gets worse for them as they grow older. I know that in xnh's case, the kind of manipulative crap he's pulled on people in his past was much more effective when xnh was 30 year olds with only ONE ex-wife and two very small children (like he was when I met him). Now that xnh is a 50 year old man with two adult children (one with a drug problem that lives with xnh on welfare, along with her illegitimate baby, and the other one is supposedly in college that xnh is paying for), I do not see his manipulations working quite so well now. Xnh is also thousands and thousands of dollars in debt from his own wild spending habits, and is currently devaluing/abusing his third wife (the two before her, xnh left with STD's from his cheating).

As xnh has grown older, he is also much angrier, more abusive than he's ever been before, and nothing in his entire life is EVER his fault. His sob stories become less and less believable as he grows older. Face it, it's much easier for a narc to convince people that "I am a victim in my own life" when he's a young man than it is when he's half a century old. People start wondering, "How is THAT possible? Is he just stupid?"

I expect this will be more so as he ages. I would guess most people will run screaming from a nasty tempered, manipulative, balding, fat, old fart with xnh's amount of "previous baggage". It's going to be MUCH harder for xnh to convince people that he's an "asset" in any relationships with so much liability orbiting around him. A "babe magnet" xnh is NOT. lol.

IncognitoBurrito's picture

Ugh

Ugh, you want to know what happens to them? ~Same S%$&, different day.~ That's what happens to them. It's pure psychosis.

Sparrow's picture

Sam the man is right. They

Sam the man is right. They die lonely, broken, bitter people. We should not concern ourselves with what will become of them though. Let's concern ourselves with what becomes of us. We are the ones that matter.

Let them steamroll through one relationship after another, as long as they stay as far away from us as possible.

midnight7's picture

Who cares what happens to a

Who cares what happens to a monster? Part of a healthy recovery and healing is that we should no longer care - if we are still wondering then we are still connected.

mustmoveon's picture

You are right...

I am still freshly removed from my relationship with my N...right or wrong, knowing that he came to a tragic end would give me some amount of satisfaction and closure. I will move on, regardless of whether that happens, but knowing that he'll get what's coming to him (but not at my hands) does give me satisfaction, because then I'll feel like justice was served.

midnight7's picture

Dear mustmoveon, the best

Dear mustmoveon, the best revenge is living a wonderfully full, healthy, happy, successful, passionate life with non-disordered people, and never giving a N any more thought. NC = you are not worthy of my time, care, attention - you are nothing.

knighty2035's picture

Interestingly.....

They actually do end up alone. They push away any significant other both physically and emotionally. Out of the 3 malignant Narcs I know (aside from my h)... 2 died alone, miserable and bitter in nursing homes because even their own children did not want to deal with them. The other (my step-father) hasn't passed away yet, but he is just as bitter and miserable as he ever was, sitting in a wheelchair and just stuffing his face and bitching. If my mother ever left he'd be dead within a month. As it is, he obviously completely warped her mentally. she still puts up with him.. only now I think it feeds her OWN Narc..because now "he "needs" her.. and without her he would surely die". Now how special and powerful must she feel on one hand now.. yet on the other she is bitter and wasted her entire life feeding this vampire-like creature.

mustmoveon's picture

Wish my N would kick the bucket...

Thanks everyone, for your responses.

I guess I can't wait for my N to kick the bucket, regardless of whether I ever learn how and when that happens. Because my N has means/access to free travel, I feel like he'll be in that rare % of N's who won't suffer any real consequences...I think after he is too old to be attractive to American women (although in great shape, he will be entering his mid-60's this year), he will just use his travel privileges and relocate to a place like Thailand where his $ will go farther, healthcare is good and affordable, and there are plenty of economically disadvantaged young women who would love to be with an American, because they believe the American will rescue them (indeed, my N has a perverted 70-year old co-worker who divorced his wife and went to Thailand to marry a 20-something year old Thai woman. As his perverted co-worker put it to my N, "You can't get THAT in America"). Makes me sick and angry...

KayJayGee's picture

Are there ever consequences?

That's the million dollar question for me? My ex won't die alone - he's never been alone. The N woman he is with now will stay with him forever, no matter how bad he treats her because she treats him just as bad. Goes against the grain that one N is attracted to another N. But I keep waiting for his consequences. I've gone through bankruptcy, near foreclosure, and all the emotional baggage of having to deal with his abuse for so many years while he just carries on with his life with no hardships whatsoever.

Kelly

knighty2035's picture

Think of it this way!!

Who CARES! You KNOW KNOW KNOW what the next ex is getting... and it ain't no prize. Move on.. and BE the prize you already are .... to SOMEBODY else and do not concern yourself with what happens with him. If you concentrate on you..it won't matter.

Armed's picture

My deA

The previous post is true. They want to appear perfect, god like, all knowing. Even if you did break NC they wouldn't tell you their misfortunes only unless it was to get pity out of you for supply and that's still not always true being that they lie a mile a minute. Mine said the same thing about wanting women with boyfriends and kids, wow! It's so he doesn't have to work as hard, she'll be tending to her business. They fall, and I don't think it's because of karma all the time it's by their own doing. Mine was self destructive. Used drugs, drank heavily, and was always in trouble with the law. When his precious enabling mom and grandparents die, well see how much he gets away with not having someone to bail him out of his shit!

Mine had an std because I found the pill bottle that he never finished. Ewwww. Thank God I never caught anything!

Women become bitter and vengeful. If we hate them just imagine the others hes fucked over and how they feel. Only difference, they may not always get that he's disordered and understand how dangerous he really is. They may bust his car up, this happened to mine before me and make it so bad, the car belongs to his aunt. He has nothing of his own.

Don't worry, if not this life they will suffer in the after. Fuck them! They belong in hell burning with their serving masters!

Snowflake's picture

Armed

thats so true..mine could talk his way out of anything..and if he couldnt he just turned it around onto me or said 'next question'..

he told so many lies, bigging his company up, his house, what his wife looked like..all lies to make me look up to him/feel insecure..

Used's picture

If he had a STD He wouldnt

If he had a STD He wouldnt have told you anyway....
His upbeat behaviour is/was an act...
He targeted married women b/c they have something to lose, so when he wants out, they cannot make to much of a fuss....
there is NOWAY that he never had STDS when he went with this amount of women....
As for how they end up what SM said could apply to us all, cos who knows what fate has in store for us.....
I know some older narcs, one is doing OK, the other one not so good, they are both drinkers and they havent changed one bit in all the years I have known them....
EXCEPT EVERY NEGATIVE TRAIT THEY HAD IS NOW MAGNIFIED....MORE DRINK, FOOD MOANING, VICTIMISIED, SELF PITY PERSONIFIED....USELESS..

Snowflake's picture

Used

thats really interesting how they 'target' married women..also if like me and you had always prev been faithful in marriage I bet its so easy for them as it was new to me.

Used's picture

snowflake

I wasent married when I met exn....
He had been with quite a few married women.....
one husband came after him[SO HE SAID..LOL] and that was the end of the fling....
He targets vulnerable women but then again he couldnt get one who was strong[at the time]....
I was vulnerable when I met him...but I soon got his number kept it to only friendship, resulting in the FREINDSHIP FROM HELL.....

Snowflake's picture

I was vulnerable and for the taking

I wont say little lamb because I did voluntarily go on a married site..but naieive definitely because I didnt expect all this..live and learn I guess..you did well to get his number and keep it to friendship x