ive just seen him

ive just seen him
1

I have just seen the ex in a queue of traffic... i have no idea if he saw me .. I am now shaking and feeling sick and crying uncontrollably... I was hoping when I saw him he would be repulsive to me but he looked so normal.... I hoped i had done so much work and put so much distance between us that he would be loathsome.... its been almost three months since I saw him.

I feel very under seige and not sure how to take power back... i feel like moving out of the area to a new town and getting the hell away from it all.

I feel so betrayed, hurt and angry. I feel that its all been so unfair and that I've been royally shat on by him and by other friends...it feels like the best idea is to shut up shop and move.

I think my emotions are out of control at the moment. I feel paranoid about the calls I was getting ... is he going to contact me ... will I meet someone else... will i ever get over this . Will i ever be able to walk out into my own neighbour hood relaxed and happy?

I seem to have been in control for a while and now I'm having somewhat of a relapse!

does anyone feel the same?

xx

tootsgee's picture

thank you both ... it is

thank you both ... it is passing and so will take heed and crack on ... its all a bit overwhelming - certainly for the last few days.... as I say a real roundabout of emotions.... I have to get my head round it ... I need to be able to handle it ....

thank you again. TJ

fearlessfemale's picture

there you go TraceyJ

...I had one last week (panic attack that is.)

Hunter was right there for me...she's quick!

I survived just like you are.
He's nothing more than a mere man...and certainly
less than that because he's a narc!

Brave woman. You're going to be just fine.
Happens to us all. Now, you've done it...acknowledged it...reached out for help...dealt with it and look at you now!

next time you see him it will be like seeing a gum wrapper on the side of the road...stay fearless!

-fefe

Deidre40's picture

you will get past this. you

you will get past this. you just need more time. it's ok...don't worry.

when you're totally over it? is when you can hear is name or see him....or get a text, voicemail, etc...and have NO feeling. good bad or otherwise. you will get there.

today might have been a good thing. for i believe the more we cry and work through this pain, the closer we get to recovery.

so...hang in there. you're nearing the corner! ((hugs))

tootsgee's picture

thank you Diedre40... it just

thank you Diedre40... it just seems to have taken a turn for the worse in the last few days so maybe its a case of its darkest before dawn..... I have never had the experience of being in the same area as an ex ... we have usually lived miles away or in different areas so not used to having to deal with an ex in such close proximity... especially difficult when its this type of ex i think ...

It had to happen sometime so at least i was in the car and not walking down the street.... when I do see him in the street I do not want to give him any recognition and it might have been too soon not to give myself away right now... x

Deidre40's picture

If I could give you some

If I could give you some advice with this. I had a LDR with my ex N...so, it's a bit different. But, even though I didn't fear bumping into him, I had heart palpitations at times, when I would see him on this social website we belonged to together. Not FB, it was something different. That said, I can only imagine what it would be like to see the person...in the flesh.

You are not alone. Your feelings are not abnormal. My advice would be...to not focus on healing from the standpoing of a timeframe. When you heal, you'll know it. You'll feel it. No one can tell you when to get over this. You will, in time.

I honestly think this was a good occurence...for sometimes, we have to feel a little more pain before digging even deeper still, to get to the better side of things. You're doing great. Please don't worry. Don't feel bad about who you are. You are great, remember that!

mustmoveon's picture

You're not alone

I was in the same situation you were just a few weeks earlier, so I can relate (seeing him in traffic, your blood pressure rising, your heart racing, you feeling out of control, etc.). Like you, it was also just 3 months ago that I broke it off with my N, so it's all still fresh to me, and I have my good days and my bad days.

As for today, you gotta get yourself to a safe place first to re-group. Maybe that's your home. Are you a person a faith? If so, seek comfort there. Re-affirm your identity--remember who you are--you are the same lovely person you were before the N entered into your life and you are the same lovely person today, just wiser. Give yourself permission to take the day off if you can, and interact only with people who love and support you, without judgment or condition. Get moving--exercise is always a great outlet to get out that emotional energy. You have the power and choice to choose your thoughts; you are not obligated to think of every thought that pops into your head. Get good sleep--it will do wonders. You must believe that tomorrow will be a better day, because our thoughts and belief shape our destiny. Sure, you'll have to pick yourself and dust yourself off and that stinks, but you can and you will, because you have the will to live and to get through this difficult period. Hugs.

tootsgee's picture

thank you MMO I was just on

thank you MMO I was just on my way home from work so thankfully i can stay at home .. and chill out ... gunna ahve a lovely calming bath and calm down....

As it goes since I got rid of him Ive lost over a stone and half in weight cos been walking all my stress off ... do about 7 miles a day which has been great .....

thanks for your kind words... (())

fearlessfemale's picture

Tracey J..

...you are just having a panic attack of sorts.

Do as hunter suggest...calm down.

Take deep breaths slowly through your nose...hold...exhale. repeat
Seriously...do this. It helps.

And yes what has happened to you is so unfair...it's happened to everyone on this forum. You are not alone. Just give yourself a moment, calm down, gather your thoughts and breathe. As for the "close up shop and move"....sleep on it. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Don't give this guy any more power than he has already stolen from you. You will get through this honey.
And again I say, you are not alone. We will help you get through it...Ok?

-fefe

Hunter's picture

Calm down.. This is fresh for

Calm down.. This is fresh for you..

Pick up a Narc book and start reading.. I highly recommend you find a Thearpist..

Hunter