Feeling alone..

I am not sure exactly how I feel at the moment besides so alone, just knowing he is out and about enjoying his day and I am here with a stomach ache that just makes me sick. How can he not want to call me when I did was put him on pedistal. I have heard rumors that he said..that he loves me to death but that I just freak out with other girl's. I just simply wanted to respect..that's all. I sit here and wonder what I could of changed or if he will change..Do they change? I have done much research and I know it stated that they do not, I just can't rationalize it at all. I wish I could wrap my fingers around my life right now. Today is my first day of NC..and boy is this difficult. My birthday is Thursday and all I wish was for him to realize that I am truly a great person, I don't deserve this. I know some of you, or so I feel, are upset with me because of my posts but bare with me. This is all new with me. I am so heart-broken over this man I loved to death.