blame

blame
0

I am blaming myself for his behaviour, WHY am I ??

I allowed this to go on for so long, Why didn't I cut and run instead of keep keeping on?

I was proud to be with him and considered him to be the love of my life. I didn't want to let go and face this terrible trauma. I didn't expect too much from him, I tried to fix it over and over. Why did I bang my head against a brick wall. I should have left a long time ago.

I am blaming myself for playing his game.

What do you think?

HelpMeHeal's picture

I blame myself...

for not hightailing it out of there and staying out the moment I figured him out. I blame myself IMMENSELY for betraying my husband. But I never blame myself for falling in love with the person I believe was going to love me in return.

You cannot and should no blame yourself for things you had no idea about at the time.

Deidre40's picture

we have all asked ourselves

we have all asked ourselves this. and i think for me it falls into my childhood. i grew up with mean, cold, abusive people...emotionally speaking. and it's no wonder as an adult, i tend to gravitate towards those types of men. no more, no more! but...i did at one point.

so...don't beat yourself up. there could be an underlying subtle reason why you tolerated his crap. it's not your fault. you might have been conditioned to accepting abuse. i think on some level, that comes into play for many of us here. (((hugs)))

fearlessfemale's picture

brit

simply because you were brainwashed and hooked like a drug addict. not your fault..don't take the blame.

You are out now...right?

This is where you should focus...not on the past.
They are narctards and unfixable.
The only thing you would have gotten
from staying longer, trying to continue to fix him
is ultimately worse pain then you have now.

Be grateful.

Good luck with your journey to happiness!
-fefe

Sparrow's picture

Blaming yourself for loving

Blaming yourself for loving someone and having complete devotion to that person through thick and thin, for better or for worse, til death do you part, is nothing to be ashamed of.

More people should have your ethics, morals, love committment and devotion to your partner in life. It would be a better world if more in society was that committed.

There is no shame in standing by your man, unless of course it becomes quite evident that he is an abuser. Than run...........

Be proud of who you are and what you are capable of. Never be ashamed for being a decent, respectable, loving human being.

They are the ones that own the shame, not us.

Brit's picture

hi

thanks girls, been driving me crazy x

Snowflake's picture

Brit

I think its part of recovering, certainly I feel like you lots of times at the moment..so angry with myself for being a fool, for falling for him, for keep going back..for STILL missing him.

I have only been NC a few weeks so I think its normal to feel like this, hope so anyway x

Armed's picture

I too blame myself at times.

I too blame myself at times. I find myself replaying scenarios in my head. Wsh I should have said....should have left....should have further questioned his bizarre comments and behavior but I didn't. Truth is we were ignorant, we hadn't obsessed over narcs and PDs prior to our experiences. Now that we know, we will be ready for the next. It hurts but it's actually a gift. Just sucks looking at the people in the world differently now. We didn't know any better. I actually thought ALL people had some good in them even if it's hidden deep inside them. Learning that narcs are actually sadistic evil empty shells is utterly unbelievable and a hard pill to swallow. We will get thought it though, we are smarter now.

Snowflake's picture

Exactly Armed

My emotions are all over..I go from moments of missing him intensely to remembering red flag moments..

why didnt I say fuck off and die when he talked about the stag do and girls coming back to the room..but he didn't stay..fuck off was I born yesterday..I feel so angry for being a limpit for this man, for hanging on to truths that were so obviously lies.

I have a brain..why didnt I use it? Even though I did the final fuck off and gave him no chance to reply..cut my simm up, blocked email..I feel the final wasnt the best moment. As in he did so many other things that I let go..I am hurting for all those times I was a willing doormat..