I FEEL SO MUCH RAGE AND ANGER RIGHT NOW!!!!

I FEEL SO MUCH RAGE AND ANGER RIGHT NOW!!!!
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I left my narc husband today, again, and went back to my apartment. I have been going back and forth,,,,,I have been staying with him the past few weeks, but I left again today, My "punishment" for "abandoning" him was that he won't tell me anymore what he is doing, who he is with, etc. Last night, when he said I was not acting right (he said I was creating chaos, and have a "poor, angry presentation"), so he packed a bag right in front of me and said he was going to go out with one of the many women he had invitations from. He needed to take a bag and his medication, "just in case I get invited to spend the night". He said he can do what he wants cuz I abandoned him. Anyway, I left this morning and told him I am no longer working on our marriage if he continues to talk to women (I cant' believe I have been reduced to this....I left and moved out and now I was staying with him taking even more abuse the past 2 weeks). He just called me at 1:00am, woke me up, and said he took another woman to church and to the beach. He said if I did not come over right now, he was going to spend the day with her tomorrow and if I come over there tomorrow while she is there, she will "flatten me". He keeps talking really loud and won't let me say anything....then hangs up. Calls back, starts his crap, then hangs up. I get more and more upset, trying to call back (which he won't answer) and sending text messages trying to explain to him how wrong it is for him to be threatening me like this......I get so full of RAGE, but I keep engaging. My head is spinning and I don't even feel like a person anymore......Does any of this sound familiar?? I KNOW I MUST START NO CONTACT WITH HIM......I do well for a few hours, then I answer the phone. I know he really will go out with some else tomorrow, and it really upsets me......WHY DO I EVEN CARE????? I'M GLAD I FOUND THIS SUPPORT GROUP.....maybe I will get through this!

Thanks for letting me vent again......Joy

Layla's picture

When YOU walk away, they REALLY, REALLY "turn" on you.

Mine did the same thing at the end. Oh yes, the years before it were a pure hell in their own right, but at the end, when he could sense the game was nearing it's end, he turned on me in the most cold, callus ways indeed. I can completely relate to this posting Joy. And he too threw "God's law" and "man's law" bullshit at me relentlessly. How dare these monsters use God to try to control us? That is just unconscionable and evil.

This is it Joy. The women, the threats to rub it more in your face, the evilness. This has to stop. Only you can make it stop because I promise you Joy, he will NOT change. Not ever. I, and everyone else here is entirely serious about this. You MUST go No Contact and GET YOUR LIFE BACK AND GET BACK TO YOU!!

If you must get a restraining order to do it, then so be it. Enough already. This guy is disordered, and he simply has to go. We are here for you. Have you gotten Lisa's book "The Path Forward" It is a good place to start and a helpful tool (I am not "plugging" here for you to buy something, simply that trying to help, I did not read her first book, as I knew already what I was dealing with).....read, read, read...this site and it's threads you will find everyone here in a similar situation with a PD.

It is time to go NO CONTACT! For YOU!!

love~ Layla

Trainwreck56's picture

NC is the way!

Pray too! You must rid yourself of this TOXIC man.

He will just continue to push your buttons until he totally destroys you! Its hard at first to disengage with them, but your on a roller coaster and you need to get off it!

Don't answer the phone, keep his messages in the event he threatens you, get an Order of Protection.

He wont give up, until he destroys YOU!

Do not engage him in any way shape or form!

VENT VENT VENT, HERE!!

We all know very well what he is, now its time for you to
get away, stay away and keep away from him!

DONT LISTEN TO ANYMORE OF HIS TIRADES, HE IS NUTS!

ACCEPT IT, MOVE ON WITH NC!

TW

Layla's picture

Trainwreck is correct!

Especially when it is US that walks away, they will attempt to destroy us by any means they can get away with....and emotionally, they can get away with a LOT if WE ALLOW IT!

NO CONTACT!

love~ Layla

tootsgee's picture

Omg ... It's like a terrible

Omg ... It's like a terrible compulsive cycle... You need to stop... I think thats probably a decision you have to make in your own mind first .... When is enough is enough? Then you have to go nc.... Have you had enough yet? When I read this I was livid for you!!! Only you can stop it though.... Let him go.... What does any other woman hav to look forward to with this man??? This kinda behaviour??!?!?! Nothing to save here! I hope you make the right choice for you.... Xx

Layla's picture

TraceyJ good post!

Tracey is right, we all have to reach the point where "enough is ENOUGH"! They will NOT CHANGE! It is US that must change and we start by NO CONTACT!

love~ Layla

joyvbfla's picture

You are sooooo right!!

You are sooooo right.. I was never like this either. I used to like myself and some self worth. I have been reduced to this and it is destroying me. I think I miss my kids so much, and I am so alone that I keep putting up with it. It is really like an addiction. When I say it out loud the stuff that goes on with him, it sounds so crazy. I think you get so used to the abuse it almost seems normal. There is no chaos when I go to my apartment, no drama and it seems weird that I am not screaming and yelling at someone. I need to take it day by day and start with the NC....I know everyone is right!!
I keep thinking he is going to change.....he uses God and christianity to defend himself saying he is trying to change. It's just CRAZY!!

lmac70's picture

When I get in that crazy mode

When I get in that crazy mode I try to remember the feeling of peace that you describe. I feel that too when I am apart from him. I close my eyes, breathe and try to center myself.

The addiction part is so hard! So hard! It is like a total battle in my brain. I hate the feeling when I feel the crazy winning. However I have found just in the few days I have been on this site it is really helping me. (we still live together so it is a bit different, but I can see small changes I have made are making a big differences.)

Good luck and keep posting - you are not just helping yourself but a lot us us out here!

tootsgee's picture

It is crazy and terrible and

It is crazy and terrible and crazy making.... BUT today could be the day you escape..... I hope so as it sounds terrible and it would be the start of something amazing for you .... I'm only two months out but the CRAZY has stopped! Good luck (()) x