Stop revolving your life around a man/woman

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#1 Mar 15 - 12PM
Deidre40
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Stop revolving your life around a man/woman

In reading some of the threads in the step 1 to 3 section lately, I've noticed a pattern of remarks...''I am going to die without him.'' ''What am I going to do without him in my life?'' ''He was my everything, he was my one true love.''

I didn't date either of the recent narcs from last year and prior, very long. Three months was the basic timeframe. I broke up with the last narc. The prior one d&d'd me. That said...I remember feeling ...lost. Lost without a man in my life.

Fast forward to right now...I CAN HONESTLY SAY, I ENJOY BEING ALONE. NOT DATING ANYONE, AND LOVING LIFE. Would I like someone to SHARE my life with me? Sure. But, what I'd like to say is if you truly feel utterly lost and like never getting up out of bed after your breakup...that says more about you, than the narc, to be honest.

No one person should you revolve your life around, when dating. When you marry someone and have children with that person...a little different. Then, your marriage becomes front and center. But, even then, you shouldn't lose your individuality.

Too often, I'm seeing...and I can attest to this...that especially women lose themselves to the men in their lives. That man's life...becomes YOUR life. You eat, breathe and sleep him. THAT NEEDS TO STOP. Narc or not, no man should be your 'everything.' You need to be whole and complete without a guy, and if the right guy comes along...(and you'll attract better men, if you are whole and complete as opposed to searching for someone to complete you) you'll be happier for it.

I just wanted to drop this in here today, as I've noticed a pattern, and as strong women...we have to look at the role we played in the narc relationships we were in. NO ONE SHOULD BE YOUR EVERYTHING. DO NOT REVOLVE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AROUND A MAN. Don't lose your friends and hobbies for a man...for if things do not work out? You will end up feeling lost, sad and resentful.

Love doesn't require this of you, by the way. If a man loves you for you...he will want you to be a whole complete person without him. He won't want to be your everything. He won't want you to be his everything. He will want to be with you, but not look to you as the sun rises and sets. It's not flattering, it's weird. Especially if it's said to you within the first three months of dating. For if he's telling you ...in three months or under...YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING...he probably told bunches of other women the same thing.

So...maybe our homework for this year...is to stop looking to men to fill something we're missing. To not let a man become your everything, when dating. To not lose your sense of self, and values...just to suit a man. No man should have that kind of power over you.

Narc or not. ;)

Have a good day, everyone!

Mar 16 - 9PM
saphire1
saphire1's picture

Thank you for the reminder.

Mar 16 - 7PM
Renegade
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This is soooo true! I also

Mar 16 - 4PM
greengirl91
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Deidre, I think this is a

Mar 16 - 8AM
Layla
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Amen to this.

Mar 15 - 4PM
bgirl
bgirl's picture

It absolutely says 'more

Mar 15 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
Deidre40
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Oh, I agree with all that. I

Mar 15 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
bgirl
bgirl's picture

We do...xxxx Right back at

Mar 15 - 3PM
Hunter
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Love This..

Mar 15 - 3PM
needing2know
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Well put! I am living for ME

Mar 15 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Deidre40
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Strange, i too like being

Mar 15 - 2PM
TNR1
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Well said Deidra...something

Mar 15 - 1PM
Snowflake
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I absolutely agree

Mar 15 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Trainwreck56
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I enjoy my solitude!