bluegreysky's story

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#1 Mar 8 - 12PM
bluegreysky
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bluegreysky's story

bluegreysky's story - This is a first

Hi everyone,
I feel so lucky to have found this site and to have found out about NPD. I was starting to think I was crazy and that there was something really wrong with me that I couldn't make things right with my N again.

We've been involved for a couple of years now and to be honest I don't even know what kind of relationship you'd call it since we were just friends but also involved physically. He's in an open relationship and has a lot of women in his life..but he wasn't my boyfriend. It started out where he was a great friend and spent a lot of time listening to me and helping me get through a bad breakup. He was there for me when I felt alone. I thought he was an amazing person, so funny and charming.

After a while things changed and I didn't know why. It felt like once he had me completely invested and basically worshipping him, then he acted different. He was so hot and cold with me and I would always blame myself. Sometimes I felt like he really cared for me and other times I had no idea where I stood with him. I think you all will know what I mean.

A few days ago we were texting when he was being hurtful and insensitive while asking me to do things that I didn't think he should if he really cared about me. I tried to voice my feelings as calmly and nicely as I could when he did the usual thing, by turning things around on me to make it sound like I'm just insecure and that there's nothing wrong with what he's saying. In the past I've always fallen for it, and think, of course he's right, and of course he cares about me. I disregard the behavior and I not only apologize but I will beg him to forgive me for questioning him.

But this time, I did not have the energy to do that and I know in my heart that he wasn't treating me right. So for the first time ever (and I've known him for years), I just didn't reply. I let it go. I didn't apologize or tell him he's right and how amazing he is and how lucky I am.

That's when I saw this site and I know that I have to stick to my guns. My N has so many women that adore him and that he's physically involved with so I don't know whether or not he'll just move on and not try to contact me again. Or if he's waiting for me to come around and do the usual "I'm so sorry and you're so important and special" speech. Will an N just go away if ignored? Usually we talk every day and now it's been a few days. It will be easier if he doesn't and yet, I keep craving for his attention. My N really has become like a drug for me and it did not start off that way at all until he was so charming and attentive.

This is so hard, it feels like I'm counting the hours. Thank you for reading this and for being here. I have no idea how I've come to this point but I'm happy that I see the truth.

Mar 17 - 1PM
LND
LND's picture

I am just amazed that we are

Mar 15 - 12PM
Natashroom
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How familiar! They do become

Mar 8 - 2PM
MountainLady
MountainLady's picture

Hmmmm....

Mar 8 - 1PM
bluegreysky
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My N

Mar 8 - 1PM
Sparrow
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Hi Bluegrey, I know that this

Mar 8 - 12PM
Hunter
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Welcome to Narcville.. NC =