SundaySmile's Story

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#1 Mar 7 - 9PM
SundaySmile
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SundaySmile's Story

I have encountered a couple of N exbfs. Both had different MOs - both successful in work or so they seemed. The approach in both was vastly different but the outcome was relative to dealing with an N.

Both had different backgrounds. Different ages. Different lines of work and interests. Different in appearance. Neither appeared obviously disordered at first. And then...

the threads of these facades seemed well woven - and then unravel . Its what I call "leaking" of the true self. The fabric becomes saturated with inconsistencies of importance and begins to fray, then unwind.

The one concept I always return to time again is the following. Explaining basic concepts of acceptable treatment within the context of the relationship contract be it defined or implied - as described within socially accepted/practiced norms. No more explaining away. If it smacks the face of honor and respect, it is impetus to check out on the dick.

Disordered pathological behavior sustains by virtue of tenacity paired with poker face. For example, a patho N can dress in a tailored tux and sport a PhD or MD or XYZ of note. The disparity lies between his actions and words. We read verbal cues as women often rely on - esp if you have had babies at one time - we relied on non verbal communication to navigate their needs. This is a actually a blessing because as we encounter patho N individuals, the inconsistent behavior V actions set off alarms for those of us versed in NV communication. We listen to the spoken word. We observe incongruent behavior. We speak our mind and are told we are causing drama because we want to communicate the disparity. We are then called paranoid. Devalued into shutting us off and down.

People LOVE him. Think he is great. So what is my problem? I signed up for and ignored the double check system within:
listening to his spoken words...observing his behavior...watching NV cues - and all these combined influence instinct. My instinct alarms went of like hells bells. Yet the poker face and controlled devalue slapped me into confused compliance. The delivery was dressed up and effective at telling me the world is supposed to be upside down.

But this ruffian had enough. She knew better. And working on moving forward. I do not hate either. Both were pretty awful. But I am out and its good to be out.

Nothing feels as good as being away from that brand of insanity. I will love again because I deserve it. I can trust again because not all men are douches.

Lawsuits and arrests prove there is leaking going on at some level. I chose not to involve myself and will never go back. The behavior was too insane and clearly bizarre.

Apr 9 - 7AM
Janie53
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Sunday Smiles

Mar 11 - 1PM
bgirl
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So very true...and you are

Mar 11 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
SundaySmile
SundaySmile's picture

:)

Mar 7 - 11PM
MountainLady
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Very Enlightening

Mar 8 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
SundaySmile
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took a while