You know, she could try to contact me. She has my number. She could ask. She could do a character reference check with me. You know? It's up to her.

I don't know what I would say if she asked. (That might be another thread.)

It's actually ridiculous the way people buy his story. If he was such a great guy- then why would I leave him? I wonder what story he tells about me? Weirdo.

This is a very helpful thread -- why don't we help -- because I feel so sorry for the NW. Everybody does. And I feel sorry for myself today.

I am not yet sure my man is a narcissist despite a few alarming factors. I got contacted by a woman he had been hitting on and despite her sending me proof of exchanges, I was convinced she had faked it (still am to a certain extent) as he denied all and told me she was insane, jealous. He made other very demeaning comments about her both from a physical and moral point of view.
I don't know yet what to believe and have been reading on this site. The fact is, our world is so broken apart that probably anybody in a stressful situation could have one or more of the traits mentioned on this website applicable to him.
I am even trying with an open mind to check whether I myself could be one as he mentioned I am one.
Despite extensive exchanges with the woman who had been a victim of another narcissist before being in contact with my man, I am still not convinced that she is telling me the truth.

I'd say therefore that it is probably good to mention as it starts alarm bells (I would probably not have got on this website to read if she had not talked to me) but when we are back with our man, we know that it cannot possibly be true. Somewhere, deep down hidden in my normally very rational mind, there continues to be a checklist that is ticking off the points that I find comparable between the stories I read here and the traits I know of my man. I remain, however, very much in love with him and continue to believe him, persuaded even that this might all be a conspiracy of people who dislike him and are jealous of our unique love.
Insisting too much would probably just confirm the jealousy theory and put off the woman. I personally was quite upset when the woman who contacted me kept asking me to get a grip on myself and to wake up. I felt at some point that she was just upset at me being happy. It is a strange feeling with the gnawing in your mind about this possibly being the truth, yet being put off when the other woman insists too much and is too vocal.

I hope it has helped a bit like all the posts on this website are helping me. Although I feel terribly sorry for what all the women who post here I am still grateful that their experience can help many of us who are still in a shaky place.
Thanks to all.

"Physician heal thyself."

You need to recover...heal...restore...rebuild...YOURSELF.

NO CONTACT means no contact even vicariously. You will remain in HIS life by contact with the woman he is involved with. This is thin ice. You WILL confirm his assertion that you are a fatal-attraction-Glen-Close-type. And since he is a fish from your professional pond, the repercussions could be devastating.

Maybe you are subconsciously attempting to punish him by denying him his relationship with his OW. Just saying.

You are in day 1 of NC. You still have MUCH to endure. So much healing to do. Take care of yourself. Leave her alone unless she reaches out to you then by all means help her.

As many already told here, to try and help the OW untill she herself will eat this sh*t and come to realization who is who and whatnot, she won't believe you and WILL BE lured back...N people like to cause these triangulations and then make it even more appealing for this poor soule that despite the frozen hell he needs her or she is the love of his life and he realized that...women usually are suckers for these romantic sap :) we are, so we get lulled back into his Oh so Loving arms...
i had this "luxury" to Speak to OW... she contacted me when we were still together with ex N i suspected of her she "suspected" of me.. (coming to the house where bunch of women's and kids stuff, my pictures our family pictures all around..HE Somehow pursueded her that I am his "best friend".. good that not a sister)... anyway she reached out to me at the moment when he promissed me that she was a mistake and DD her.. i told her that i suspect NPD and all that... she listned agreed ... said that she feel sorry for all his victims and was soo understanding... compared notes... and understood that he was cheating and lying to her as well as to me... and guess what happenned?? he got another interest... i have had it and kicked him out of my life and went NC.. and guess what i learned recently??? He lives with her with the same woman.. for the lack of fresh supply and old supply .. he pursuaded her to come back somehow... he needs someone to pay his rent :) ... that's it...
that's the result of the warning her.

regards,
M.

this is your journey and lesson. you chose this man and this experiece so that you could be who you are now.. the healing soul that will never make this mistake again.
these poeple, your ex and his new woman are learning there lesson. they are embroilled in the same passion and delight that you once were and this same excitment and magic as you put it, will become the flawed reality that he has come to deny ih his life. so no you cannot help her, regardless of whether she would even listen to you... the picture he has painted of you, to her, i can promise you, she believes and only she can learn her lessons on 'her' own time.. I would suggest that you put the same love and kindness you want to give out to her and give it to yourself. Right now you're the one who needs it.. These predotors are everywhere sizing up there next pray. If these woman who we were once, chose this path it is to complete another cycle or patter.. It is either to commit to the same cycle or to make the final break from it and learn, either way you are not her friend or her compadre on any level. The best you can do is wash your hands of it and let them play it out.. watever the outcome may be.. Good luck. You will get thru this. x q

Krooks, first of all, so well put:

1 -- 'Perfect that he stole from your dreams by using the things you held dearest to you.'

2 -- Sorry this phony clod lied to you and did this. you don't deserve that, you seem like a very good person.

I don't think any of us are ready to hear something bad about these guys in real time when they are busy treating us like Cleopatra. It's a generous thought for you to have to warn others, but it's potentially dangerous and draining for you and probably mostly just doesn't work and keeps you too invested in his life. I say that as someone who ended up in the police station reporting my ex-N's OW for harassment and stalking after she went nuts when he broke off their affair.

The Narcs make people crazy, if they're not already they will say anything, do anything, to get what they want. they don't care who they hurt. they. just. don't. care. so avoid the rage and move on.

I do not "help" the other woman because of several reasons.

It does not tell me more than I already need to know in order to let go of a disordered relationship.

The OW may react very badly esp if she is still into him - any contact with her might result in her attacking me in some way. I do not need to continue to place myself in high risk situations with the xN and his either FORMER ex or NEW OW by association or otherwise.

All I needed to know to validate what I knew to be true came from his behavior. Right now - the path has to focus on healing.

In reaching out to the OW if she is an EX she already knows. Or perhaps she did not experience the same as I did. Who knows? Who cares? There is no way to tell someone to watch out without it seeming like a bitter, jealous EX. Moreover - I do not know if she and he are unhappy nor do I care. That is THEIR choice to be involved. Presuming she knows about him cheating. Even if she did not - I doubt she would listen. People can become defensive and lash out in denial. I am not in a position to be on the receiving end of that possibility.

All I need to know is what he did to me. And how I reacted to his shitty treatment.

Focus is on recovering.

My counselor and this forum help me. Right now that is as strong as I can be.

It is time to move through and forward. I cant take on more than I already am weighted down by in this crappy burden I no longer want.

There are a lot of I ' s in this post because this is how I feel.

Furthermore - revenge plotting (hear so much about this) - comparing notes - etc., is very destructive and not healthy for me. I cannot be her counselor or the messenger who gets shot. lol

That is my own position on it now. No reason to get lost in other people's business when it is so damned close to the one who hurt the hell out of me.

This is my opinion for where I am personally right now. To answer your question.

Oh if life could be that easy. We wouldn't believe a registry anyway. By the time all is said and done, and the truth comes out, we are in denial and no one, and I mean no one, can tell us any differently. We just wouldn't listen.

The addiction has already set in at that point.