Pissed off. So Pissed off.

Pissed off. So Pissed off.
Posted February 22, 2012 - 5:36pm
0

I realize it is an exercise in futility to expect anything remotely resembling caring or consideration from these monsters, but still. It's been 41 days of NC (or 25, depending on whether you count his Dear Ophelia let's take a break to "heal" letter - 41 ) or his receipt of the box of gifts I returned to him via mail (25 days ago).

His knowing how upset I was upon the D&D, his having acknowledged how badly he hurt me with his explicitly expressed incapacity to love, I could be swinging from the nearest tree or in the hospital having my stomach pumped from some overdose. NOT that I would ever do that, because that selfish lardass isn't worth it, nor is any N, but it really PISSES ME OFF that someone who professed to love and care for me so bloody deeply can suddenly be so f*cking absent from my life. I could be dead, for all he knows!

ASSWIPE! ARGHHHHHHH!
So get the Eff out of my Brain, Asswipe!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!

I'm really pissed off today that this selfish, undeserving jerk occupies any real estate in my brain, and how much work it is taking to evict him.

‹ Jar of Hearts There's no going back. ›
janemarie's picture

ahhh...the angry stage!!!!!!

February 23, 2012 - 6:54am — janemarie

ahhh...the angry stage!!!!!! It's a good place to be in!!!

I always perfer this stage to the crying stage....I still teeter between the two, but now Im getting to the more accepting stage....that comes next.....

Embrace the anger...it proves to yourself that you are healing....

It does still hurt...and yes...they are unbelievable assholes....they dont deserve a minute of our thoughts...but unfortunately it comes with the recovery...dont fight it...embrace the anger! And let it out sista!!!

xoxo

Sparrow's picture

They don't care. It's not

February 22, 2012 - 7:33pm — Sparrow

They don't care. It's not how they are wired. They f=do not have the feelings we have. The D & D should not be taken as personally as we take it. As long as we realize we were no more important to them than the daily newspaper, that they put in the recycling pile, than we should understand that they had as little emotional attachment to us as they did the newspaper.

We should not take this personally, however, it is hard to do. It is just the reality of it all.

Once this can be accepted, the rest is easier than you think.

Deidre40's picture

I remember anger. I think it

February 22, 2012 - 6:54pm — Deidre40

I remember anger. I think it was the longest of all the stages last year. I never 'missed' the asshole, really. But, anger. Yep! I feel your pain with this.

Something that might help, and it's so very simple really. Is to tell yourself...it's ok that you loved this man deeply. Even if you were tricked. Even if you were hurt. Even though he abused you. You did not cause any of that. He did. He is disordered, but despite that...you loved another human being as best as you could. You can walk away, knowing you did your best. He is a shallow pathetic soul, but that shouldn't make your love less real. His love might not have been real, but yours was. It's ok to have loved him. You didn't fall in love with abuse. You fell in love with the person he tricked you to believe. This is easier said than done...but, it helped me to get over this stage.

You fell in love with a bad guy. Onward upward. Eventually, it won't sting like this, I promise! (((hugs)))

Maya's picture

So good to vent your anger

February 22, 2012 - 5:57pm — Maya

Ophelia:

Rage all you want! My therapist says depression is anger turned inward, and that is why I'm depressed. I am so damn angry but grew up in a house where you could not express anger in a healthy way, so I "eat" my feelings. Not to mentinon in classic N style, whenever I made an inkling to talk about what I wanted out of the relationship the N go very uncomfortable and shut me out. My therapist actually tries to make me made in our sessions just so I can see how it feels to be really mad! Rage girl, scream, kick, punch get it OUT!

Hunter's picture

Hang in there.. I couldn't

February 22, 2012 - 5:52pm — Hunter

Hang in there..

I couldn't agree with you more.. My heart is with you..as your narc mirrors my beloved Dog Whisperer..

We must never forget the pain they have caused, we must never forget the lies they fed us..

It's kinda of like 911. We all know where we were that day.. But as time marches on..we seem to forget the true devastation of the dreaded day..

Be Strong ..No Pain,No Gain..

Hunter

Snowflake's picture

I totally get it

February 23, 2012 - 5:25am — Snowflake

You feel so damn conned!!! I think the 'getting it' is to realise not to take it personally but thats so hard to do..I think because my brain is not wired like his.

I have two new books which are helping me..(when I am not learning NPD or chilling out with Dragon Tattoo)..

Jack Canfield..The Success Principles (about trying to change your life)..it makes YOU answerable. I have posted on this before but I think my words came out wrong..so I dont intend repeating it, all I will say is its an excellent book..easy read and makes you WANT to change your life.

The other book is The Power Of Now..about living in the moment, enjoying the things that pass us by.