I left him that night ,because to me I meant nothing to him after all we had shared throughout the years.

There is the answer to your own question. How could you support him if you weren't anything to him? Relationships are about give and take...there is a balance because our expectation is that when we give...at some point, the other person will reciprocate that back to us. With a Narc relationship...we give, give, give, give and they take, take, take, take and at some point....we just don't have anything more to give. Our body and soul starts to pull away HARD because we don't have anything left. I don't know where this guilt of yours is coming from..but you did the right thing. You recognized the writing on the wall..the futality of everything and took yourself out of the equation. I think you need to congratulate yourself for this awareness and for not going back to him or contacting him. If you have things you want to say, try some visualization exercises...you can tell him everything you need without really telling him to his face. It's amazing how much better you will feel when you let it all go.

always remember you were saving yourself, like I did when i asked the exnarc to leave m place because of all the abuse, except for physical, I was on the verge of a mental breakdown at the time and still loved the man dearly...................

What does that says about you???? To me....it says that you were a manipulated person who he began playing victim for..

I dont know your details so its hard for me to comment much, but from what I can see of you from reading your words.... "I won't go into the details of what he told me as not to betray him" You are a loyal, warm, good-hearted person who thinks and probably puts others before you...THIS is the kind of person you are....NOT at all cold!!!!!

They are masters of manipulation and put on masks to perform for us....I dont know if you ever lived with the man but if you had, you may have seen the "miserable" side to him.

Like I said, it's hard for me to comment because Im not familiar with your story...but I feel you have been manipulated by him to feel guilty and it's working...you have nothing to feel guilty about...You left becasue you felt it was the right thing to do for YOU!!! Its time to put yourself FIRST!!!! Dont look back....keep looking and moving forward!!!
xoxo

I appreciate all your words of wisdom.I do understand what you are all saying how a narc uses "pity as a ploy" I also kow it is hard to respond when I have put bits and pieces of my time with the N here on the board and have been quite elusive as to the full extent of the relationship.
When I speak of the covert abuse I am talking of secrets,sexual addiction,lies,grooming and so on.When together,which was alot,he treated me very well and was always interested(or pretended to be) in my life,my joys,fears and struggles. He also compartmentalized our relationship.
The night it ended was an ordinary night and I do believe he was not looking for pity,he was speaking his truth. This was not a supply attempt.It was more like "this .is who I really am and this is how i really feel in the darkness of my soul.
I understand I can't save him. I get it I really do I just feel that my response that night was well..a bit narcissitic.
Thanks for listening and sharing.

Hi there...That's how my X N made me feel too....i felt his pain,i tried and did anything and everything to help him...i listened,i tried not too to show i pityed him,i helped all i could,even i was living in aother Continent,i went to his country,i am financial well,he is a very low paid Utility worker at a Housing Project,but a very bright,intellectual,handy guy.But emotionally an empty shell...i really neve looked down to him,when he would tell me he missed somebody like me that really talked and listened to him without being judgemental,i noticiced i was making a difference in his life...he seemed less depressed,and he told me he had a retrait from his work and that he wasn't going because he felt unsettled,i told him to go,and if he didn"t feel comfortable he could always leave....he went and later he thanked me for advising him to go....he was always working or home at the PC,never went out except for groceries and stuff that really was necessary...sudenlly ,he just dumped me,after 2 years,,,went NC on me...and now he sends emails telling me how his life is pointless,he rather have that he was never born,he feels like a manipulated puppet and all he wants and needs is his death...he is a good looking,intelligent 45 years old afro american,has 3 kids,and has just become a Grandad...i did everything to be with him,i supported him emotionally when he left the mother of children(not because of me)he got kicked out when his daughter went to the police saying hehad abused her(is a long history)And he just wrote me off,like a never existed...i went through hell with and for this man...and now he sends me these emails full of anguish and darkness...and why?i realy don't know...What i really knoew is that he do not want help...I am sorry,but me too,i am taking distace from this drama...i want to survive.All i know is that if i have been through a bad youth and life,if someone was good to me as i was to him,i would grab that person and that chance and hold on to it forever...but they don't ...they want to be miserable and drag us with them....do not feel guilty....Hughs.

too. I am sooooo greatful that he showed me how cold he really was, just so that it was confirmed in my mind. Either mine wasnt very smart as far as putting on a good act, or he just didnt care enough to strain himself, but either way--he showed his true colors so many times.
Even then, for some reason my friend and family had to keep reminding me of things he said and did, and of his true nature and intentions, cause guilt comes knocking on my door now and then...i somehow forget that I have done nothing wrong, and that he is too NOT in love with me to be hurt.

These days, it takes less reminding than before, and much less often, for me to feel okay and see things clear again when that happens.Maybe you should post more often. Maybe youve tried to be strong too much too soon by yourself?

Mine did the same thing. I heard a long story about a miserable childhood, depression, drug abuse etc....they want you to pity them. The way you're feeling now was all apart of his plan. He knows you're empathetic and he used this quality to his advantage. They exploit our good qualities. You should never feel sorry for an N, he's not feeling sorry for anything he has done to you or anyone else. My ex used the pity ploy during a Hoover and it worked.

You can't save him, save yourself. He isn't your friend, so why be a loyal friend to him?

These guys are good, do not engage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!