Here we go...Possible Hoover?? Im ready!

Here we go...Possible Hoover?? Im ready!
Posted February 22, 2012 - 10:34pm
0

When I left the Narc...he made his kids have no contact with neither myself or my kids....My oldest son was devestated when the Narc's son defriended him on XBox.....

Anyway...for 6 months my son has had no contact with his son.....until this evening.....

My son came running to me yelling in excitement how the Narc's son requested his friendship and when he accepted how the son asked him how we all were doing.....

I have seen it with my own eyes how when the Narc didnt want his kids to speak to someone (ex wife...or his sister) how he would go as far as write things down for them to text to their mother or aunt....as well as when he wanted to make nicey nice with the ex wife or his sister......

Im so on guard right now...am I just over thinking this XBox thing? Could it just be a coincidence?? I dont know...Im just ready for anything!!!

Bring it!!! You will just get silence!!!!!!!!

‹ Today is ex-N's b-day Day 12 NC ›
janemarie's picture

Thank you for all of your

February 23, 2012 - 9:37am — janemarie

Thank you for all of your comments....I just sometimes need others to help me know if what Im seeing for myself is the reality (all a result for being beat down all of these years and not able to recognize things myself....although, I think I see improvement within myself here) one day at a time!

I will definitly nip this shit right in the bud!!!

My son is only 9, so he wont truely get it, he's just gonna have to trust his Mom!!!

Thanks as always for the direction!
xoxo

Deidre40's picture

and as I was reading your

February 23, 2012 - 10:07am — Deidre40

and as I was reading your thread here, I can't help but think of one of my daughter's friends who while I really care for her, I think she is a teenage narc-ette. seriously. she tells my daughter what to do, my daughter fears upsetting her always...my daughter 'runs by her' if she can hang out with this friend or that as to not offend her. i finally said last night...this is going to stop. this isn't a FRIEND. and you don't march to the beat of anyone's drum. you run by ME who you hang out with...not a girl from school. I was upset.

my point in sharing this, is...don't underestimate how narcissists' children pick up on their parents' behaviors, and then mirror them, themselves. Narcs might not have been born this way, but it is learned behavior. And I can't help but think...either your son's friend will hurt your son, or the narc is the puppetteer in yet another game to hurt you, using the boys here. So..either way. To me? It's not worth your son befriending this kid...because...I honestly believe the fruit never falls far from the tree.

Good luck with this! You're a good mom. ((hugs))

Deidre40's picture

I'm not meaning to pry...or

February 23, 2012 - 9:18am — Deidre40

I'm not meaning to pry...or suggest how you should parent...but in this situation, I HIGHLY recommend that your son and that asshole's son, NOT be in contact. Once your son is 18+...he can do whatever he chooses, but this could just be another disgusting ploy from your ex to hurt you, by having his son reconnect with yours...have this 'great' friendship again, and then tell his son to drop yours once again. I would explain to your son...this is a person that hurt you, and that you really don't want to have contact with him in any way. I just can't help but think your son (and you) will get hurt by this whole thing.

What a horrible person to involve his son in his sick behavior!

Sparrow's picture

Triangulation. Be very

February 23, 2012 - 9:10am — Sparrow

Triangulation. Be very weary........the N gave his son the green light to reach out. He is out of supply and will start recycling old supply.

Keep the rules he applied with his kids and NC with your own. Nothing, and I mean nothing good will come of this.

Many believe triangulation refers to a couple and a 3rd party love interest. It doesn't stop there. It can also be when the narc uses a third party, mutual, to do the hoovering. There's quite a bit of interesting reading material on it.

Arm yourself Jane. He is on the prow.

kartaga's picture

i dont think we should

February 23, 2012 - 8:37am — kartaga

i dont think we should investigate what both of the boys think. the N is obviously using his son as an instrument. his son might not see this as manipulation.

this is between you and your ex. he is acting within his narcissistic character - using other people to help his cause.

i also think that contact between boys will bring nothing good. it will only serve your ex as a wonderful tag on your life.

Run4it's picture

2 Ways to View this...

February 23, 2012 - 12:11am — Run4it

1. Narc's son is free now to contact your son and wants to.

2. Narc put him up to it by saying something to manipulate the situation.

If you take view one, your sweet empathy kicks in and you are so happy and flattered that the son finally contacted yours and make him happy. EVEN IF THIS IS THE CASE, it cannot possibly serve anyone well for your son to be in contact with the N's son.

If you take view two, well, ditto view one, no good can come of it.

Either way Janemarie, you know deep inside that this does not bode well for you and especially not your son. As soon as the N gets angry , bored etc again, he will put the hammer down on his son and make him cut contact, hurting YOUR child once again. You have to protect him in my opinion.

Hunter's picture

You need to think of your

February 22, 2012 - 11:31pm — Hunter

You need to think of your child and nip this..your child has been exposed to Narceville...

Looks to me like the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree,.

Hunter

janemarie's picture

Hunter

February 22, 2012 - 11:48pm — janemarie

ok...Im confused...whos the Apple and which tree?

Are you saying that the Narcs son is a Narc and is using my child? Is he the apple falling from the narcs tree?

Or are you saying that my child is now becoming a victim of the narc's son? Is my son the apple falling from my tree?

I guess no matter what tree its basically my family against the narc's family and I should keep the two families apart...NC with all of them....his kid will influence mine???

Is that right?

UGH....This sucks on so many levels!!!!

Hunter's picture

I did mean his kid is like

February 23, 2012 - 12:00am — Hunter

I did mean his kid is like him ..playing head games with your kid..

Yes.. But I like the way you looked at it too,,

I guess there are two varieties of apple here..

Hunter