FaintingGoat's Story

Almost 20 years of this...

This year, it's 20 years since I met my now exNH. I was a young single mother and he was a bit older and seemed responsible and caring. We had a whirlwind romance and exNH swept me off my feet. He proposed to me just a couple of months after we met, and I got pregnant soon after that (not on purpose). We didn't get married until a few weeks before our child was born because exNH had to finalize his divorce from his previous wife (who was wife #2 for him). He and his wife had been separated when we met, but I have no idea for how long. I know what he told me, but since I also know how easily he lies about everything, I don't believe anything he told me).

We were married almost 10 years and had 3 kids together, plus he adopted my child. It was not a happy marriage. ExNH started cheating on me within 2 years of getting married and I knew I should leave, but I was scared to -- scared of raising kids on my own, scared of being poor, scared of being alone, scared of feeling like a failure for another divorce.

Right after our 10 year anniversary, I told him I wanted a divorce. I'd had enough of the verbal abuse, and he got physical with me once. Between that and the continued affairs (that he wouldn't admit to even when confronted with evidence), I just couldn't do it anymore.

I made the mistake of getting involved with another guy before getting disentangled from exNH. I never should have done that, but I was so desperate for someone to be kind to me. ExNH found out by hacking into my email and then filing an at-fault divorce complaint against me. He threatened to take the kids from me. I was so incredibly beat down by this point that suicide would have been an option if it didn't mean that the kids would be left with only him.

ExNH backed down on the adultery charge after I agreed to not take any alimony (which I wouldn't have any way but that goes to show how much he knew me), plus joint legal and physical for the kids. He also took the majority of the household possessions. He sold 2 cars and kept the proceeds from those and he cleaned out the bank account except for $200. I was a stay at home mom up to that point but fortunately I was able to get a job pretty quickly.

I was just happy to be free of him at that point. We had a few arguments that included his typical rage, but I'd learned something through counseling that I started before I demanded the divorce.

Through the separation, exNH introduced the kids to a bunch of women. I finally told him that I didn't think it was good for the kids, and he said the woman at the time was THE ONE. Yeah. Two months later, he married a woman he'd been having some kind of relationship with during the end of our marriage. However, their marriage only lasted less than a week and she never moved here. Nine months later, he married wife #5, who was the kids' stepmom for 4 years. During that time, things were pretty low key.

However, exNH started an affair with his female boss. He ditched wife #5 for this woman and just recently married her.

Due to a bunch of issues, a year after we separated, exNH and I agreed that the kids would live with him the majority of the time because our 50/50 schedule wasn't working for them. This was the biggest mistake I ever could have made.

I ended up meeting my DH about 18 months after exNH and I split. DH has an ex-wife that probably has BPD so he and I understood each other immediately. Our life together is good, except when one of the exes acts up and now it's my exNH's turn to act up. We suspect that he's planning to move out of state and thinks he can take the kids so we've hired a lawyer to prevent that. ExNH has gotten nasty toward me in emails and texts so I'm as LC as possible. He is also apparently grilling the kids, which irritates me to no end because they don't deserve that. We are also trying to get custody of the kids because of the instability in exNH's life and how he isn't acting in the kids' best interest. The kids have been having a variety of problems but exNH refuses to allow me to get them help.

I'm glad to find this community where so many others know exactly the kinds of things I'm dealing with, but I also hate that anyone else has to go through this stuff.