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Madonna/Whore complex
Redhead
Member since:
30 weeks 15 hours
30 weeks 15 hours
Last activity:
23 min 52 sec
23 min 52 sec
Madonna/Whore complex
Posted February 19, 2012 - 9:56pm
Very interesting topic....Mine made the statement one time that in the hispanic culture, the wife is the one who sort of lets herself go & is not seen as sexual. Being sexy is a role for the mistress. Ex-narc has a hispanic heritage thru mommy-dearest. Interesting, I didn't realize that he held that same mindset. I remember telling him that he was lucky as he had a sexy wife. Haha!!! No, he didn't think so....I was Madonna for sure with him. Did y'allb experience anything similar?
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madonna
February 22, 2012 - 2:15pm — newlifewayI read up on this yesterday , found so many interesting psych articles on this. I was definately the madonna. We stopped having regular sex , and he masterbated more and more, and was having an affair. I had no idea. I know our sex life was always fast and hard , too hard, too fast. I couldn't keep up. Like a jack rabbit speed, I could never climax because the pace was too fast.
Looking back now, it makes me sad, but so much makes me sad these days.
I guess his new OG is the Whore, so how is that going to switch up when they start playing house living together? now that she is not pregnant, I wonder if she will stay the whore...
just gut wrenching
just gross
makes me ill
no, they certainly are not whole! I get this now, better than before. I see how they can't accept it, I don't understand it at all ! But I SEE IT now
I was a human blow up doll....
February 22, 2012 - 11:36am — TNR1Let's be honest here...it wasn't like I was getting something really great because I was the OW. I was an object from week 1...a few desired body parts with uninteresting things inbetween. When we talked, it was always about him and what he liked and what he didn't (usually something negative about his gf) with no questions about me, what I liked or anything else. I read posts like this one and it makes me sad because again...it puts woman against woman as if to say...we aren't "whole" on our own...when in reality, it is the Narcissist who can't deal with our "wholeness" and must compartmentalize us into one of 2 catagories due to his disorder.
Tnr1
February 22, 2012 - 12:34pm — RedheadHeavens no - my intent is certainly not to pit women against each other. I was reflecting on the disorder. I do believe each one us is whole & special because of who we are. No man be they a disordered male or not, is qualified to define who we are.
redhead
February 22, 2012 - 10:53am — onwithmylifeI mush have always been the whore becasuus he met 3 respectable women where he lives now. Gee he spent so many years' happily' with a whore, and that is so funny because if you knew me I am anything BUT a whore,, they are truly NUTS....................
Redhead, to add to this
February 22, 2012 - 9:41am — greengirl91Redhead, to add to this topic, sex in their minds, has everything to do with Devaluation. Devaluation, humiliation of the Woman.
That is the reason they find it so hard to have sex, or touch or be intimate with their "good girls" (Madonnas). For them, sex is objectifying. Through sex they relieve their inner demons and anger, towards probably the persons who have hurt them (many times their mothers).
And the idea of objectifying the person they suppossedly have romantic feelings for, the Madonnas, is terryfing. That is why they SPLIT us into categories. Because they cannot love as a whole.
In conclusion, if you insist to be with such a man eitherway, you will never have a whole man. It will always be someone else on the side, they see the world so much in black and white. Good girl, bad girl. Saintly, dirty.
They are like big babies. I will probably always care somewhere deep down there for mine, but without letting him you know, affect me that much, or destroy my life.
madonna...i guess
February 20, 2012 - 10:19am — rainalawThis is an interesting topic.
I guess I became Madonna (I wish the N really did have magical powers to actually make me look like Madonna at our age (hers and mine :-)). He told me that mommy would always tell him he would not amount to anything. That is something that made me think he actually had feelings. I believe that was his hook. I'm thinking mommy was an N?
It didn't take long for the transformation for me. About 3 yrs. would be my guess.
I actually kind of had an aha moment as I was typing this. Just over 3 yrs into my relationship with the N, just after we bought this house, I had found that he had a profile on a site where he would go to watch other guys (I guess just guys who the heck knows) jack off. That is when (the first?) D&D began...I believe it now.
Oh...but then I gave him plenty of ammunition by acting out the whore for him...long story which I shared over in "share your story" ...I treated myself very badly...VERY BPD on my part...but that was then and this is now :-)
But yes this N definitely had a porn addiction and sex addiction (IMHO).
Oh...the OW (which I met) he found at the nudist resort...she is very attractive but does have that "look"...
rain
madonna/whore complex
February 19, 2012 - 11:05pm — ichooselifeYes.He never admitted it, but he did NOT desire me.
I noticed after a while that I was his sounding board, security banket,and mess-fixer, as he was good at getting himself into jams.
It was so wierd. I've never had an experience like that with other men. Usually, if men use women, thats always one of the first things that comes to mind that we're used for. Not this guy.
He was indifferent to intimacy in the beginning with me...then just plane against it. I can remember all his excuses in order.
The truth is, he loved porno and not me.
Other women were hot to him
February 20, 2012 - 1:28am — ZensterYes, mine preferred porn too. Teenage lesbian porn. But he was detached during sex from there start. He loves the porn stars, idealizes hookers and lusts after women (esp. Young married women).
He lost interest in me completely.
And he blamed me for it.
My therapist said his pattern will follow him...but Narc thinks he will find true love.
oh yeah, I was caretaker &
February 20, 2012 - 9:57am — Redheadoh yeah, I was caretaker & the one who fixed his never-ending jams. Mine LOVED porn - had a whole collection. When he finally d&d me, he accused me of not wanting sex.
Me too red, he accused me of
February 20, 2012 - 7:36pm — walking_on_sunshineMe too red, he accused me of the same, but that meant that I supposedly had another man that I was having sex with.