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Why introduce OW to the daughter??????
Run4it
Member since:
1 year 23 weeks
1 year 23 weeks
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1 year 3 days
Why introduce OW to the daughter??????
Posted February 18, 2012 - 6:02pm
Ever since running into the ex NBF's ex wife, something she told me has bothered me. The N took the OW to dinner to meet his oldest daughter at college while they were in town for an event. The daughter was embarrassed by the way the OW dressed (trashy) and the way they acted. His daughter is very bright and classy. OW is a ditz who wants all the attention.
In over a year, I never met the daughters but saw them around town and knew many adults that thought highly of them both. He rarely saw them and they had a terrible relationship. Why does this woman get paraded in front of his daughter????
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Oh!
February 19, 2012 - 3:24pm — IncognitoBurritoOh! My father would do that all the time, with me!
He'd take me around to who ever he was interested in at the time, and dote on me- only in front of her- as if he were father of the year. Nevermind that he had most likely struck me hours beforehand, if he had even been home to see me at all, in months. All I knew was,"Daddy wants to take me to the movies!"
It's all for perception. Children are too innocent, too loving, and too dependent to know that they're being played as pawns for N's next target. He doesn't actually care about his daughter. He could've substituted a new puppy instead, just as easily. It's just for effect. Perhaps, he wasn't totally confident that OW had bought his line of crapola entirely, and needed that little extra UMPH of bringing the daughter around. In hopes it'd prevent OW from beginning to question N on any unusual behavior.
I think they introduce the OW
February 19, 2012 - 11:11am — star17I think they introduce the OW to their kids because it's convenient for them...my XN told me he had learned his lesson with me and his new GF wouldn't meet his kids and a week later they were taking trips together and she was with him and the kids...they don't care how who they hurt as long as their needs are met. I spent almost 3 years around his kids and with in a few weeks of seeing this girl he had her around them without a mention of where i had gone. It's very sad...but it's true they use the kids as weapons to hurt us.
"Learned his lesson"
February 19, 2012 - 11:21am — MarlinmomWow did that phrase hit home. as my N husband got meaner and weirder to me for 6 months, he would say over and over "I learned my lesson last time (an affair 15 years ago), and I know how much that hurt you and I would never ever do that again. I'm not going anywhere, ever." Next thing, I find the texts, etc.
"So you learned your lesson, huh?"
"Pretty hypocritical," he replied, shrugging. Like Star17 said, they don't care who they hurt as long as their needs are met. Mine has also been unbelievably insensitive to our daughters and the pain he's caused them and the damage from the lies and manipulation.
It took me a long time to
February 19, 2012 - 11:46am — star17It took me a long time to really understand because when he said he wouldn't introduce the kids to her i believed him. They had been through so much already but it took a complete outsider in our situation to tell me he didn't care about the kids feelings or mine or his Gf's...all he cared about is what he needed at the time. I'm not a parent but i have plenty of friends who have kids who refuse to bring anyone around them until the relationship is stable and serious...these guys do not care about their kids feelings and who they get attached too because they replace us so quickly they think the kids will be ok having us replaced as well...not the case and the kids suffer and feel left all over again each time the N's get a new supply.
This thread has served to
February 19, 2012 - 10:47am — Run4itThis thread has served to reinforce, even further, the fact that the NPD person loves NO ONE. These are examples of using innocent children to push their agenda, build their egos, and punish anyone who loves them or that they perceive as having slighted them.
The meticulous manipulative choices made to suit each and every scenario gives me chills.
why, you ask?
February 18, 2012 - 10:47pm — fearlessfemale...simply put, he's a sick muthaplucka
enuf said
just an aside. I would stay
February 18, 2012 - 8:33pm — Deidre40just an aside. I would stay away...(I know this was a run in but next time...just keep walking lol) from any and all people associated with this guy. If you see them, seriously walk the other way. If they know anything about the N. They will delight in sharing it with you. Not that all people who are associated with narcs are 'bad,' but people by nature...LOVE drama.
Deidre40, I think that is
February 19, 2012 - 12:17am — Run4itDeidre40, I think that is probably good advice. As much as I care about his ex wife, speaking with her pulled at the scab a bit. It probably did the same for her. That is why I never called her before. I did not want her to have to revisit anything about him. I would never purposefully add any additional harm to any woman or man that has gone through this.
My exNarc had the OW spend
February 18, 2012 - 7:42pm — janemarieMy exNarc had the OW spend the weekend at his house with her kids and HIS kids (the kids I cared for like my own) 4 DAYS after I moved out!!!! Talk about feeling replaced!!
And what the hell did his poor kids think????
When we first began dating we kept saying how important it was to wait until we were strong as a couple before introducing the kids to either one of us or getting the kids together.....we waited 6 months...I guess his morals were different with this woman....
Whatever...I still get pissed off when I think about it!!!
wait.... WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
February 18, 2012 - 8:06pm — nlvr7what a DBAG! what whats worse than an assclown f-face dirty dick dbag? oh i know.... a NARC!
what is wrong w these people?
nlvr7
February 18, 2012 - 8:20pm — janemarieI KNOW!!!!!
His kids were devestated when I left too!! I felt really bad for them...he actually kept them home on the day I moved out to try to devert me from doing it...but in the end it was better for all of us...we had breakfast together and we talked and cried...it helped with closure for them...his daughter is 13 and his son is 16. The daughter and I were inseperable but he made her stop talking to me...and she has listened.. I have heard that she is friend with the OW on FB..and although it's good for me to have NC with either his children or any of his family members...It hurt when I heard this...I have been replaced:(
When I left I wished I couldve taken his kids with me...they wouldve been better off!!!!
ps...I loved your cursing!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!
janemarie
February 19, 2012 - 7:31am — UsedHe kept the kids home, TO WATCH YOU GO....not to keep you there....So you would look as if you abandoned them all...
So he tells his daughter to stop talking to you....simply by saying, janemarie walked out and left us all....JOB DONE...
WOW....You are soooo right on
February 19, 2012 - 8:54am — janemarieWOW....You are soooo right on so many levels....I NEVER thought of it that way but now looking back...he always used his kids as a way of making his exwife look back!!!!
That was a HUGE awakening you just gave to me!!!!
Makes me hate him even more now!!!
xoxo
My guess is he is angry at
February 18, 2012 - 6:13pm — SparrowMy guess is he is angry at his daughter for some reason and wants to devalue her, embarrass her publicly amongst her peers. He used his OW, to humiliate his daughter, teach her a lesson.
That would be my take on it.
Don't feel bad that you weren't introduced to his daughters. His daughters are objects to him, just like anyone else is. Introducing you or not introducing you, really has no meaning in any way personally. So please don't take it that way.
omg, sparrow...that is
February 18, 2012 - 8:31pm — Deidre40omg, sparrow...that is absolutely brilliant! i wouldn't have thought of that. i was sitting here, wondering why he would do this. wow. yes, that's it. because really...they loathe all women...even their own kids and sometimes, their own moms.
Yes, very angry with her
February 18, 2012 - 6:33pm — Run4itYes, very angry with her because she has nothing to do with him unless absolutely necessary. This just makes me sick. Piece of crap father.
I knew you guys could put this into perspective for me. Another reason to add to the list of things that are so despicable. I know the knowledge makes me wiser, but I sometimes wish I did not have to be aware that such evil exists.
dont drive yourself nuts.
February 18, 2012 - 6:13pm — nlvr7dont drive yourself nuts. theres obviously some "ideal" he's created in his mind about the OW he wants to show off. my N never took me to meet his parents and im sure since it was a sticking point w me, he will take the new girl to meet them asap.... who knows why they do things. ive given up trying to figure them out. the only thing i do realize is that they are disordered and hes not having her meet the daughter because he cares more about her or anything.... he probably just gets a huge ego boost/supply from it.
This isn't about the
February 18, 2012 - 6:13pm — HunterThis isn't about the daughter. My guess.. Remember .. Idealize,devalue, discard.,
The OW is being idealized ., hes using he daughter as part of his new script.. It's his way of sucking her in...
You may have wanted to stay out of it.. So his kids were not needed in his plot..
Everything they do is motive driven..
Hunter
it's him
February 18, 2012 - 10:21pm — SundaySmileWe are all the other woman as you said.
It is not the daughter, the aunt, the uncle, the this or that... the waving of arms and and hopping up and down in the spotlight - all those people and situations are helping him - as Hunter says - script the story to be about him.
Spotlight always has to be on them. The rest are just pawns.
He sets the stage,
and delights in basking in its warmth
And it only matters to "us" if we read the script and it continues to contribute to rage. Certainly feeling anger is expected. To the degree where it interrupts our functioning = not healthy
He not only has to keep the spotlight on himself - but D&D all players and past players/ It's a ravenous, empty pit. The supply must flow at all times to keep him functioning at his comfort level. A pit no one can fill and often feel nuts in trying to fill it.
Caring or not caring what he does will not affect what he is. Or how he treats you. Or the next casualty in his crosshairs. And attention to his detail only prevents closure and shifting/narrowing the focus onto healing ourselves.
That makes sense Hunter. OW
February 18, 2012 - 6:25pm — Run4itThat makes sense Hunter. OW has a known history of narcissism herself and has used her own children and her past husbands' children to appear the "good Christian mom". He is probably just feeding into what she wants to think about him as a father. Daughter was being used and she probably knew it. No wonder she was so mad with him. She had to sit there and witness that mess.
Of course it is not about the daughter. She is part of the "family unit" that caused him his greatest Narcissistic Injury - the divorce. I hate that I have to keep reminding myself of the true nature of the N. Sick, sick, sick....yuck! I am so grateful that my ex husband is not a N and is a very good father to our children. I was a damaged child. I hate to see children treated poorly.
ha my reply is in line w
February 18, 2012 - 6:14pm — nlvr7ha my reply is in line w hunter wow i may be starting to get this N crap down!
Good one!
February 18, 2012 - 10:39pm — phantom adorationGood one!