HelpMeHeal's Story

I met my ExN in the fall of 2010. We had mutual friends on FB, and happened to comment on the same post. I still remember the post and it was quite funny. We definitely made each other laugh. HOWEVER, if I could turn back time I would have never accepted the friend request that soon followed. In any case, I did. A few months later, we met in person at a charity event with the mentioned mutual friends. I was there with my husband. He was there with his wife. When I was leaving the event, I waved goodbye to him from half-way across the room. He came over and gave me a hug. I was a bit surprised, but it felt really nice at the same time, and seemed innocent. The next morning I checked my FB and had received a message from him. He wanted to tell me how great it was to finally meet me in person and how beautiful I had looked at the event. I thanked him, but from that moment on, I felt like I was being swept away. We started to chat via FB, FB turned into text messages, text messages turned into phone conversations. 3 months later, we met for coffee, coffee turned into dates, then led to more. I loved everything about him. The way he looked, the way he dressed, the way he smelled. I loved to touch him. And he seemed to feel the same way about me. It was amazing. This entire time I was feeling so guilty. I am married afterall. My husband is a good person. Any woman would be happy to have him, I know this. But I pushed this to the back of my mind. I was selfishly having SO MUCH FUN, fun that I hadn't had in years. I had let the stress of everyday life (small children, no sleep, busy jobs etc.)get the best of me. I felt like I had stopped living, then this guy comes along and convinces me that I deserved more from my husband and from life! It was going to take time, but eventually we would both divorce and be together. He would love my children like his own and everything would work out. We were soulmates! This honeymoon period lasted 6 months. Looking back, I know I missed red flags but I honestly did not see them at the time. Then one day, something on FB caught my eye. It was a post from a woman on his wall. Everything started to crumble. I questioned him about it and shit hit the fan. I was crazy. I had no idea what I was talking about. They were just friends. The reaction was bizarre for someone who was 'innocent'. I told him that I couldn't live like this. I feared he was with someone else and I was going to move on. The hoovering began. There was no way I was going to dump him! He convinced me that he was going to proove his innocence and we were going to be stronger than before. Of course this never happened. I now watched his every move. It became more and more apparent to me that this woman was not the only. She was one of many. I would watch in silence as they would drop off and then return to his friend list. I could tell when things were going well by their comments. I could also see when things were not going well by their comments. I could see when he liked one of their pictures. I became totally consumed by this. I was suffering and my family was paying the price. I knew I could not carry on like this much longer. To be honest, the rest of the story is kind of a blur. I'm not sure if my mind is trying to protect me, or the anxiety medication I was on at the time makes it impossible to remember. I know that we got together a few times before the holidays but that was the last time I saw him. I felt alone on Xmas and had one hoover shortly after New Years. When he didn't like my reply (I didn't know about NC at the time if I did I would have NEVER responded), he gave me the final, horrendously cruel D&D. He went silent and has remained silent ever since. I know from his FB that he is currently full of supply so he's content. Within a week of the final D&D, I made my way to this site and started posting. I read and read and read and learned that my ExN was a very textbook Narc. All of the things you read about Narcissists, that's him. There is no doubt in my mind that he is disordered in a very real way. I guess that takes away some of the sting, but it still hurts like hell some days. I feel like I am going to wake up from a bad dream but I never do.....