weird sex...

weird sex...
Posted February 15, 2012 - 3:49pm
0

Has anyone else experienced "sleep rape" with their N?
I would wake up to him having sex with me. It all feels so disgusting now.

Does anyone know why they do this?..I have read that many have had this experience.

Any feedback would be helpful..
Thanks
P.

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Hooklineandsinkered's picture

Weird Sex, Bad Sex, No Sex?

June 5, 2012 - 4:08am — Hooklineandsinkered

Hi, just joined this forum as far too much of the narc's personality fits with my on / off SO. (Sorry for the long post!) Could you tell me if this also fits: For the first few months he would only have sex with me with his eyes closed. I never mentioned it as he had major sexual problems (i.e. was bad at it, couldn't carry on etc - and blamed me!). Then there was a turn around where he was satisfied although it was still mediocre for me and he could only ever finish the job from behind. When I got upset becasue he never made the effort to satisfy me, he dumped me saying 'it was unreasonable to expected to be satisfied evey time and that I was too emotional.' I did point out that he had been and that I had never been, which didn't go down too well. From telling me originally he had a big sex drive, he doesn't seem to have any sex drive at all (at least not with me!). I've had two instances of the weird objectifying with him. The first time, he got me so drunk (it didn't even feel like an alcoholic state as I passed out) I couldn't remember the evening and we had had sex. Also, there was a time when what I did to him 'didn't do anything for him'. I went to the bathroom and he came in and had sex with me while I was brushing my teeth. He asked me not ot look at him and carry on brushing them. It was weird! Obviously, I felt for a long time that I was really bad at sex and unattractive and too demanding (my sexaul confidence has completely left me). I never let him get away with telling me that it was my problem though as sex had never been a problem with previous partners. But it still hurts that he doesn't want me sexually or emotionally. Are these kinds of thing typical of narcs? Or am I focussing too much on it?

goldie's picture

I did not have this happen

May 12, 2012 - 7:20am — goldie

The answer is quite simple, they do it because they are horny and they feel like it. Entitlement type of thing. Plus for many, they do not have to engage much towards you if you are sleeping.

They are odd selfish creatures.

God bless,
Goldie

Harper03's picture

Well yea... I mean I would

May 4, 2012 - 4:18pm — Harper03

Well yea... I mean I would always wake up before the act started (haha thankfully) but he would be on his way. WTF? Why do they do this?

mellyj's picture

sleep rape

May 4, 2012 - 3:59pm — mellyj

l know what you mean. I think its because you or I are seen as things, not beautiful women. Also, they have a huge sense of entitlement so why should they ask. Instant gratification thing. I know that the narc Im with often refers to women as "it." When I defend the woman and say she has a name, he says he couldnt remember it, but it never happens when he is referring to men. I have often wondered if he would be happier with a blow up doll. A doll cant talk or refuse his advances and "belittle" him. I almost bought him one once out of sheer irritation, then I thought hed probably use it! Threw that idea out. It doesnt just end there does it? I have been subjected to all kinds of odd suggestions and unacceptable sexual behaviours (that were stepping over my sexual boundaries.)
Try wearing old fashioned granny pyjamas, narcs hate pyjamas! Or take pepper spray to bed and spray it if you find him doing that coz thats what youd do to any other rapist right.
:-)

lilygirl's picture

weird sex

May 4, 2012 - 10:26am — lilygirl

Seeing we are nothing more than objects to them, sleep rape makes sense. They only wanted our bodies.

Lily

wsh's picture

YES!

February 18, 2012 - 8:51am — wsh

OMG....yes.....makes you just feel all warm & fuzzy doesn't it to know that as long as your BODY is there, that's all he needs!

I came to believe that this also explains the porn, staring at other women everywhere we go, flirting, etc...
It's just all about A body & doesn't matter who it is.

Is your's like that too? Seems that there's always several areas of the N acting out sexually.

wsh

dabussard's picture

Yes

February 15, 2012 - 4:56pm — dabussard

Mine used to want me to sleep naked. He did not want me to have a night gown on. I used to ask why and he said "cause I don't want anything in the way, if I want you in the middle of the night".. At first I thought it was sexy and that he loved me and wanted me. Nope, he just wanted a warm body there to do the deed too..

We were just an object with holes for them to satisify themeselves. Nothing more nothing less...

Towards the end, i felt used and dirty and just plain horrible.

NarcSurvivor1's picture

Naked in the Middle of Winter

May 3, 2012 - 12:33am — NarcSurvivor1

Would not allow me to come to bed with anything on, whether it was freezing cold or not. HAD to be naked. Would say, "You are a real turn-off wearing anything to bed. I find you very unattractive when you do that." So I would bear the cold and remove my clothes, he'd screw me, then turn his back on me for the rest of the night while I shivered by myself because if I sneaked back into clothes he would get up, get dressed, and leave in the middle of the night - or as soon as he felt clothing on me. He, in fact, would climb into my bed naked, lay on his back like he was waiting for me to suck his cock, he would reach over and "snap" my clothing, and would say, "Lose the laundry." If I protested, he would then put me down with the above statements and if I resisted would "teach me a lesson" by getting out of bed, dressing, and leaving. Leaving me confused and feeling guilty. Training me. So I would never make the same mistake again. Would even carry over the silent treatment until the next day, until I couldn't stand it any more and would text him, and then when I saw him again and want to 'talk about it', he would tell me that's what I get for not behaving. He would look me dead in the eye when he said this and then say, "Shall we try again tonight?" Manipulating me, pushing me aside, all the while knowing how much I was in love with him, knowing I would not make the same mistake twice if I wanted him in bed with me again. At the time I was so weak, and now I look back on it and just feel so ashamed for being so weak.

freaked's picture

Ditto Humilating fr me to

February 18, 2012 - 8:59am — freaked

Ditto
Humilating fr me to elaborate

Thank god i sleep in a different room now since past one year

enique1960's picture

yes, or if too tired he says

February 15, 2012 - 4:49pm — enique1960

yes, or if too tired he says well just lay there and go to sleep?
too weird for me!!!!

dmtphx's picture

I feel sick right now

May 14, 2012 - 7:38pm — dmtphx

I Have been a little confused about the sex because I read a lot about how the sex wasn't good. SO I think maybe he's not a N. My N was good in bed, however I often felt like it was a performance and often he would look at himself in the mirror. The last time we were together was early Jan. He asked me if I wanted to mutually masturbate. I said no. I also thought we had recently gotten back together and only had sex once in 8 days which was unusual and instead of wanting to make love, he asked me that. When I said no he took care of himself with me lying right next to him. It was so awful and I felt so dirty laying in the dark next to him knowing what he was doing. The next morning I told him I wanted to talk about what happened and he said it was my fault because I allowed it to happen. Okay, I get it. I hear it as I'm typing it. Maybe he's not an N. He is a Capital N!