Behavior with other women???

Behavior with other women???
0

Hi All:

I am new to this forum. Kicked the SOB out 5 months ago. He will NOT leave me alone & it's been stressful, to say the least.

I am writing this because I have not seen much on here about the Narc's behavior with other women. I have read 10+ books, been all over the I-net, and also have talked to a therapist.......NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that my husband is full-blown narcissistic ASSHOLE! In FACT, I first discovered all this info. after typing into my browser "husband totally changed after the wedding" & UP POPPED all this stuff about narcissism!!

Anyhow, I'm wondering how many of you have also experienced the N's flirty/constant ogling/touchy-feely/seductive behavior with OTHER women? My husband has NO boundaries with other women (actually, no boundaries with ANYONE except ME ie: trying to control me).

This asshole RUINS every "outing", vacation, just going out to dinner for heaven's sake, because his entire focus is on checking out every other woman in the room! OTHER women can do whatever they want with him (hug/kiss/rub his thigh/rub his back/press their body up against him....)& it's just "fine". I get ABSOLUTELY ZERO affection, compliments, praise, etc.... but any OTHER woman around he's "MR. CHARMING" & "MR. TOUCHY-FEELY"! TV shows, movies, etc.... only watches stuff with l/2 naked, l00% naked, raunchy sex, you get the idea. I have no less than 8 times found porn on the computer & he just insists it's "not mine"...."don't know how it got there"....."it just keeps coming & I can't get rid of it"....& on, & on, & on.............. PLEASE!!!!!

I have even a couple of times been awakened by HIM INSIDE ME! Having sex with me while I am ASLEEP! And when I tried to tell him this is F'D UP, it was ME who "has a problem"????????????WTF????????????????

Comments, input, HELP......please!!

cassylady2013's picture

Behavior with other women???

I think he's a sex/porn addict.

ZanShin's picture

ExN definitely did this

If he wasn't in the love-bombing stage after one of our many break-ups, he would ogle women like mad. I told him once that he looked at women like a lion sizing up a gazelle. Seriously. The look in his eyes was completely predatory. I could almost hear the drool dripping from his mouth. And, he'd do this right in front of me. If I mentioned it, he denied that he ever did that or would just laugh at me. What a dick.

It is typical Narc behavior to triangulate us with other women, even if it is someone who they interact with casually. For example, he'd often chat up waitresses like they were the most fascinating people he'd ever encountered...all the while ignoring me. It is just a typical control tactic. The only thing WE can control is to get away from these shitheads and start realizing that they want us to flip out and have an emotional reaction.

Your soon-to-be (hopefully!!) exNH sounds positively awful. What a monster. Is there any way you can limit your interactions with him even more? Can your attorney handle communications about the divorce? My exN (we never married) had an exwife and an exgf (with whom he had a child); they are both still so tied into his crazy-making behavior. Both women are ABSOLUTELY still under his control, specifically because they haven't taken all the steps they could in order to achieve extremely limited contact.

Do you share children with him? From what I can tell on this forum, that is really the ONLY valid reason to maintain limited contact. Otherwise, NC is the only way to really heal.

Congrats on kicking him out!! You go! xoxo

Steel Hibiscus's picture

Behavior with other women

I am too familiar with this behavior. My Narc was the flirt of flirts. He flirted with women everywhere we went. Our honeymoon was a nightmare, as well as all our cruises. He then started taking the new supply with us every where we went. He is very devious and thought that I would not find out. This man is the most evil person that has ever walked the face of the earth. He has no soul, no heart, no nothing
He used me and abused me. Made fun of me in front of other women I can hardly wait to get through with the divorce. There is a stupid law in my state wherein one has to wait a whole year. I have been on the run ever since I left him for good last month, just waiting to get back into a home that I own which has been rented, but will soon be vacated and I am moving in and starting a new life without this bad person.
I look forward to healing and baby, it will be NC all the way.
I am glad that I went back to him once in the past. This proved to me that if one does that it gets worse than before and one wonders how can that be. Believe me, it gets worse, much worse. I needed to have that experience to ensure that I will never go back with a crazy person for whom there is NO cure, ever.

newbeginning's picture

constant flirt. but denied it

My ex used to flirt and say things to women all the time infront of me and when i pulled him up about it he would say its you your mad i never did said that! He would gloat and say xyz was flirting with him and throwing themselves at him he made things up example below
We had split up but were talking via the phone he said oh yes i have to tell you that a woman might ring my phone when im with you im only saying because i dont want you going mad i said who is she he then told me his friend was is a nightclub at the weekend and this said girl who was supposedly getting sent to prison on drug charges came over and asked if she could have my exs number so she could ask his dad for advise as he knew about law etc so i put the phone down and googled this girls name and yes she was arrested for drugs but she had been in prison for 3 yrs on remand lol so when he phoned me back i told him what i had found and he just went silent and put the phone down he did phone and say sorry about ano hour later but this is the sort of thing i had to go through on a daily basis i felt like i was going mad but thats what they want isnt it!
Theres lots of other stories about this man most would be unbelievable to people who dont live it x

Steel Hibiscus's picture

Constant flirt, but denied it

I know exactly what you mean when you stated that the stories on this person would be unbelievable to most people who did not live it. Lady, can I relate to that!
If I were to tell my stories people would think I was the crazy one, NOT! These Narcs are super intelligent and beyond creative and cleaver. They are master deceivers and they manipulate and play everyone, us, family and friends. If their mouths are moving they are lying and manipulating whoever they are speaking to. They are straight from the pit of hell. I thank God for Lisa's book. I am out of there and on towards healing. Do I have very painful days? Yes, I do, but I keep a list on my cell of all the stuff he did to me and I read it and most of all I totally recall what all occurred when I returned the first time. No way, will I ever hook up with him again in person or whatever.Would you believe that he took the other woman on cruises with us????? Unbelievable, huh????

nlvr7's picture

Mine always played t part of

Mine always played t part of doting partner, was super into me ....affectionate in front of his boys. never looked @ another grl and would say shit like "how does it feel to be t most beautiful woman here" grrrrddddd#21#264@11

Movingforwardnow's picture

wsh

Whether or not he's a NARC he is a jerk.

Here you will find help, advice, support and friends.

fearlessfemale's picture

Wack Job!

Wow...he's a wack job.

If I were you I would be sooooooo happy I was not with this fellow any longer.

I hope you find someone (when you get ready) that gives you the respect, attention, and love you deserve and has enough dignity and respect within himself to not act like a weak asshole.

I'm proud of you for kicking him out. What's he doing in regards to: "He will NOT leave me alone & it's been stressful, to say the least."? (If it's ok for me to ask.)

Hi..btw...I'm fefe

wsh's picture

Well.........keeps calling

Well.........keeps calling me, asking me for "favors", offering to "help me" with stuff (which I am taking care of by myself, thank you very f'g much) all kinds of crap but interestly enough he NEVER tries to discuss "issues". REFUSES to sign consent for the divorce (I did file) but yet has not said or done ONE THING to try to stop it or get me to drop divorce. Weird, huh? WILL raise "issues" that are important to HIM, but I won't discuss because............DUH!..........I'm sick of all that matters is what is important to HIM!! Anyhow, as I said, most of the time I ignore him.........and it gets hard because just hearing his voice on my answering machine makes me WANT to call him up & rip his ass!

I am sure that I will be ok. Just wondering if anyone else has also had to deal with the "other women" behavior. One of the things he said to me A LOT when I'd dare to complain is "other women......(this/that/wtf ever)" & I would always tell him "so go get one of those women 'cause I won't put up with this shit!"

fearlessfemale's picture

a narc is a narc is a narc

well...he sounds like a narc because all of the things he is offering is purely for the benefit of himself.

control freak...I'm definitely understanding wanting to rip his ass. been there and still have moments of assripping wishes.

As for "other women" issues...my XNarc would flirt and ignore me as if I wasn't in the room at times. When I called him out on it and try to communicate reasonably he would ALWAYS turn it around on me. It's a tactic to try and break you down, lower your self-esteem, and cause doubt in yourself...make you feel crazy for bringing it up. That's my opinion...he simply sounds weak. Sorry for you frustrations hon.

wsh's picture

Oh yeah.......I get that. I

Oh yeah.......I get that. I have used the word "invisible".....if any OTHER female around, I simply cease to exist! And of course, I AM "jealous/insecure/controlling/"imagining" things/too "touchy" or "too sensitive"/ yeah.....YOU are a f'g PIG & it's MY PROBLEM??? I THINK NOT! THANK GOD for some friends/family who have ALSO noticed his behavior! I have 4 granddaughters......the 11 year old actually mentioned to her mother how "uncomfortable" she felt at the way my husband was looking at her! THAT was one of the reasons I finally filed for divorce! Other reasons were his behavior with his SISTER & his DAUGHTER! I'm tellin'ya., I think his is a family that is LOADED WITH INCEST! My therapist.........when I described some of the behavior of his with his SISTER.....SHE is the one who used the word incest.........so..........maybe....just MAYBE.... I am NOT the SICK ONE HERE!!! How in the world can ANY man be more "affectionate" with his sister and even women he JUST MET than he is with HIS OWN WIFE???? Sorry, but I think that is just HUGELY F'D UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fearlessfemale's picture

You've got his number!

Well, at least you've got "his number" and his time is Up!

Proud of you for the "kicking of the ass out of your house"
and you are so definitely not sick or any of the things he accused you of. You are smart enough to figure that out and smart enough to end it with him.

I'm most proud you saw potential danger with your 11 year old granddaughter....even 11 year old's have "women's intuition"...smart girl. Smart Grandmother.

I was abused as a little girl...I had those same "uncomfortable" feelings about the ones who eventually
molested me. Wish someone could have prevented this.

Thank you for being smart. You most likely spared your granddaughter pain and unforgettable trauma.

-fefe