The memory is fading and I'm at a loss

The memory is fading and I'm at a loss
Posted February 8, 2012 - 1:01am
0

I've noticed in the past few days that my memories of the exN are becoming vague and ghost like. They are not the lucid, painful visions of a few months and even weeks ago. I know that is a good sign.

So why does this feel so strange to me? I think I have come to the point where I have nothing left to focus on but myself and it feels very awkward and uncomfortable. I even feel a little lost and unsure about what to do next. I swear I feel like I imagine soldiers do when they come off of the battlefield after many weeks and the war is over. How do they go back to normal life?

This site has been my base of refuge for weeks now and for some reason I just feel like crying. Has anyone else felt these things and what did you do next?

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Run4it's picture

I so love having you girls here

February 8, 2012 - 10:52am — Run4it

to talk with me and understand. I thought of another analogy this morning. Remember when Forrest Gump started running and he ran and ran and then, all of a sudden, he just stopped running. He was done. I so understand that feeling.

I am grateful to be at this point, so for today, I will drink my coffee and enjoy the morning sunshine, head off to work and see what this day brings. I think I had forgotten what peace felt like.....

janemarie's picture

It feels strange because we

February 8, 2012 - 10:16am — janemarie

It feels strange because we have been consumed day and night by this whole experience....for weeks, months...for some a whole year or so...we forgot what it's like to feel "normal".....Im getting to this place as well...but I still dont know what it's like not to have a sickish stomach after I eat....whatever...

Point is...your life is changing...and thats a GOOD thing...embrace the newness of all of it!!!!! This only means that we are moving FORWARD...which has been the goal all along!!!

Congrats to you and all of us who are feeling almost "normal" :)
xoxo

Redhead's picture

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I

February 8, 2012 - 10:00am — Redhead

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally get this. It's been about him for the past 11 years & I took care of everything. The focus was always him!! I too am focusing on my pets & me. We are redefining our lives - opening up a new chapter. It does feel strange.

midnight7's picture

Dear Run4it, Have been

February 8, 2012 - 8:59am — midnight7

Dear Run4it, Have been feeling much like you recently. I've been calling it stuck in 'No (wo)man's Land' because that's how it feels (spooky we had a similar war analogy). Am over the xN, am NC but in this no man's land I don't know what my next move is. You never look back at the enemy, you don't want to - you won that offensive. To each side are other past lives/people - you don't want to go sideways either. You really want to move forward but ahead is dense fog and you've just come out of a war - who knows what's in there. So you stand still unsure how to proceed.

We have in a sense been to war. Our bodies/minds were in fright/flight/fight mode for as long as we were with a N. As for getting through no man's land/limbo I think, as silly as it sounds, we just return to normal (civilian!) life. As soon as we start overlaying the past with many new memories, just getting out there, trying new pursuits, meeting people, living our lives to the full, we won't feel lost, we'll already be on our new journey.

Snowflake's picture

You are further ahead

February 8, 2012 - 5:52am — Snowflake

but I can relate..for me if I could 'fill the gap' it would be easier. The trouble is I dont know me anymore..the addiction feels real but nothing else does. My get up and go has got up and gone..really trying to work on it but its damn hard x