Creeped out about a friend talking to the EXNH-psychopath

abreva

Member since:
19 weeks 6 days

Last activity:
1 day 13 hours

Creeped out about a friend talking to the EXNH-psychopath

Posted February 7, 2012 - 5:49pm

I have a newer friend, who is becoming a real friend, so she knows a bit about the EXNH and my troubles dealing with him.

She called me to tell me that she introduced herself to him at our kids' school today.
She said she "extended an olive branch" (what does that mean?) (why?)
She said "he was really nice" (um, yeah - he's thrilled to have another "in" to attack me, punish me and gather information)
She said that he asked where she lived, and got her phone number.

I didn't know what to say to her.
It was weird.

I'm concerned.

I'm concerned because I now realize that I can't really trust my friends.
Even if there's no harm in her actions, I realize this - that it's a very slippery slope.

I'm concerned because who can I tell about him? I have to keep my mouth SO SHUT. And it's not like she's an acquaintance - she's in the world of FRIEND.

I'm concerned because people don't understand how diabolical a psychopath can be, and how he is out to DESTROY me. And I feel like I have to keep myself super protected.

I feel like she has put her hand in the fire, and that it could really cost me.

On the other hand, it could be no big deal.

FEEDBACK PLEASE.

Thank you for your feedback.

February 8, 2012 - 2:15pm — abreva

Thank you thank you thank you.

I appreciate that you all took the time to advise me.

Im sorry but this woman is

February 8, 2012 - 8:42am — janemarie

Im sorry but this woman is bad news...//

You wanna introduce yourself...fine....giving her number to him....What the hell was that?!?!?! She wants drama...

You now know you cant trust her so knowing that, she is now just a mom to one your childrens friends....thats it!!!!

The kids can play but you two do not have to have a relationship....

It sucks that you cant trust anyone...Im at that point right now...but as we heal and get stronger (arent so vulnerable) we will be able to sift through the dirt better to find our true friends....stay on guard!!

Dont let this woman fool you....and dont make excuses for her...she stepped way over the line...think about it...if the roles were reversed...would you have given out your number to HeR EX ASSHOLE?!?!?!? NO...you wouldnt have...because unlike her...you are genuine!!!!

xoxo

I would just be alert to the fact that

February 8, 2012 - 7:16am — jackguy

(a) she is a player herself who won't be worried about betraying you or (b) she is not disordered but insensitive and naive and will be a useful pawn to the narc to abuse you indirectly

To be honest I have only talked to one friend about my exn and even then I didn't say she has a personality disorder and is a narcissist...My intuition has told me that most people will invalidate what I tell them and view me as overreacting, immature etc...many people are steeped in abuse themselves...they have had abusive backgrounds and when you talk about 'abuse' they dismiss it and say that abuse is normal...so I talk really only to people on here about my exn

here's more detail

February 7, 2012 - 6:42pm — abreva

Wow. I didn't expect everyone to take such a clear and hard-line on this. I can see how my desire to give people second chances and the benefit of the doubt - opens me up to abuse. That's how exnh-psychopath won me -- I was always giving him the benefit of the doubt.

But here's some more detail in case it changes anybody's opinion.

It's one of these strange situations due to custody of our young children.
It's so awkward - playdates, sleepovers, parties.
There's a lot of interaction that is required.
Her daughter and my children play together a lot, it's very cozy.

I partially think that she got kind of trapped in it - she was talking to my son, and then the exnh-psychopath was standing there, and so she introduced herself. And then I imagine that exnh was just drooling with the opportunity to connect with her, since it's a great way to f--k with me. What's she going to do ? NOT speak? NOT answer his questions? My son was right there.

There are a lot of moms that I don't share any detail with. It's a more professional relationship. And I'm seeing that "security leaks" are everywhere, and that I have to be more cautious than I thought.

Some people really get off on the drama -- and I just DON'T. I just told her recently about my policies of keeping my distance (NC), and now I'm regretting that. I'm definitely regretting the fact that I confided in her, because I can see that she could just go blabbing.

I feel like some moms know him first, take his side, and they act weird and distant with me. And then, eventually, they come around to see how creepy he is, and I get this silent apology from them.

Too much drama.

abreva

February 8, 2012 - 6:21am — Used

partially think that she got kind of trapped in it - she was talking to my son, and then the exnh-psychopath was standing there, and so she introduced herself. And then I imagine that exnh was just drooling with the opportunity to connect with her, since it's a great way to f--k with me. What's she going to do ? NOT speak? NOT answer his questions? My son was right there.
SHE MADE HERSELF BUSY.....read what you wrote, she was talking to my son...then got kinda trapped in it?....not so....she put herself up for it....she spoke to him first....gave adress and phone number....OH PLEASE......
WHY?.....if you feel you have to speak cos your kids interact with her kids....THEN JUST MAKE IT HI!!!!...
IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION SO WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO ...NOT SPEAK ,NOT ANSWER HIS QUESTIONS....YEP....YOU GOT IT IN ONE....THIS WOMEN IS DANGEROUS TO YOU AND WILL SELL YOU DOWN THE RIVER IN A HEARTBEAT, FOR THE DRAMA AND THRILL....SHE IN HER OWN WAY IS A PREDATOR.....
SOME PEOPLE DONT DO NICE DONT DO LOYALTY ...SHE IS ONE OF THEM!!!!!SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE....AND RELIZE WHAT SHIT SOME PEOPLE ARE....GOOD LUCK..

abreva

February 7, 2012 - 6:03pm — ichooselife

I would stay far away from her, and don't tell her anymore info if she calls you. I'de totally leave her in the dust. She sounds like trouble.You can't afford her ignorance.

I guess the safest people to talk to as far as confidentiality are therapists. A support group would be helpful too. In almost all support groups, you get to have a "sponser" or accountability partner who you can confide in.

therapists are not confidential either

February 8, 2012 - 2:20pm — abreva

Thank you for taking the time to help me.

I will say that even therapists and doctors are not the least bit confidential when custody is in question. The exhn-psychopath has possession of ALL my medical records because he claimed that I was an unfit parent and mentally ill. (How strange that I was FIT to take care of our children single-handedly when I lived in the same house with him.) We never went to court. But he has copies of all my medical records now. Completely UNFAIR and UNJUST. What you say to the therapist and doctor will be brought up in court - so always choose your words carefully.

abreva

February 8, 2012 - 2:26pm — Used

You are SO RIGHT....I found this out by accident...but when I did find out, I definatly went into a spin....

They are also able to get in touch with the POLICE....if you tell them certain things.....
who can you trust?

yes - that is what concerns me

February 7, 2012 - 7:05pm — abreva

"You can't afford her ignorance"

I agree, and I can't afford anyone's ignorance, and everyone is ignorant about how to deal with him. And because he is a prominent professional, people give him a certain amount of credibility.

I feel like I have no room for error in my life.
I feel like I have to keep myself squeaky clean, and I don't like the stress of that.
I feel like he is laying in wait for any little thing to go wrong, and then pounce.
And if he doesn't have that - he will fabricate - and he has done this already.
And I've already had a person who was VERY close to me, run to him and collaborate with him to cause me all sorts of trouble. So, I've been down that road.

But on the other hand, so what? Is a judge really going to take some of my custody away over any of this? Or is it just annoying?

Annoying is annoying. And I just want to live my life.

That is awful!

February 7, 2012 - 6:02pm — Femmegem

Did she even hear a word you said???

WTF? If I was you I'd NC her as well!

P.s: olive branch is when you try and 'make.up with someone after a fall out'.

Just shocking she might relay what you told her but cut them both out. She'll Learn for herself but lost a friend!

ugh, was your heart racing? i

February 7, 2012 - 5:59pm — brinamarie

ugh, was your heart racing? i hate hearing those words "i saw him.." or even worse "he was NICE!" YUCK!!!

it's so hard too because you don't want to appear like the psycho and tell her off the bat what a whack he is. unless shes your true friend, she'll probably think you're being crazy, or bitter.. since he's "so nice" of course!
women are competative, you know.

If she ever brings him up again, I would just nonchalantly say i'd rather not hear his name, he put me through absolute hell and change the subject. don't reveal specifics just keep it vague. hopefully that'll be simple enough for her antennas to go up w/ him..

people don't reallyyyy care about your problems.. giving her ur dramatic story won't do you any good. but as my therapist says:

the truth is the truth is the truth.. no matter who knows it. and you do :)

abreva

February 7, 2012 - 5:56pm — Used

I WOULD TELL HER TO FUCK OFF AND NOT COME NEAR ME AGAIN......
believe it or not when you told her about this arsehole, you made him sound GOOD, EXCITING, YADA YADA...
so she listened and went in for the kill....
abreva....NO BENIFITS OF DOUBTS FOR THIS CRUEL, HORRIBLE COW.....KICK HER TO THE KERB....
I CANNOT BELIEVE THERE ARE WOMEN LIKE THIS OUT THERE , BUT THERE ARE....
SHE IS NO FRIEND OF YOURS AT ALL....ADRESSES, PHONE NUMBERS, UNBELIEVABLE....BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree. Kick her to the

February 7, 2012 - 6:15pm — mystwoman

I agree. Kick her to the curb. This is NOT being a friend to you. She's just morphed herself into a "security leak" back to the narc instead of being your friend. Now she'll be telling him everything you say to her in confidence, and she'll be making sure that she tells YOU all about the narc (whether you want to hear it or not). You can't trust her with your personal information any longer. She is what is called a "gossip" not a "friend". You don't need people like this in your life. My advice is to go NC with her, along with the narc. Be kind to yourself, and do yourself a huge favor...leave her in the dust on the roadside. You deserve better treatment than this "friend" is giving you.

Hugs.

User login

Recent Blogs

New Topics

Who's online

Online users