New here and a vent

New here and a vent
Posted February 4, 2012 - 3:52pm
0

I'm new here, and I just had an ordeal with my ex N.
We were married 15 years, divorced 6, have 2 kids, the older is also N and now lives with him full time.

Well, N just had a full blown Narcissitic rage in my driveway. In front of our son and his friend. He was angry because I refused to give him our daughter's mail. I've been texting her almost every day for 2 weeks, offering to bring it to her at home or work, but she simply refuses to answer even one of those text messages (I don't have her email address and can't contact her trough FB).

It's really not good for her to have NO contact with me (of course N won't see that, but will encourage her to continue to avoid contact) so when I refused to give him her mail, stating that I'm happy to give it to her he said that she doesn't want to see me. I knew better than to ask why, but even when both kids have not wanted to stay with him, I've always encouraged them to keep contact open. I simply repeated that I would not give it to him, but will give it to her. He started shouting and I just firmly said, "Please go away. It's not yours, it's hers." and closed my front door.

It really kills me that so many people still think he's such a great guy. It is truly awful.

‹ What i have learned BPD ›
Hunter's picture

Why is your daughter not

February 4, 2012 - 4:56pm — Hunter

Why is your daughter not speaking to you?

If your daughter is an adult? If yes, then she is responsible for her own mail.. Not you, not him..

If you dont know her address than give it to the mailman marked return to sender? But you id say she lives with him...

Hunter

Olivetree's picture

She is a minor and has been

February 4, 2012 - 7:00pm — Olivetree

She is a minor and has been living with him full time since December. She is also NPD, and the last time I saw her - early January, she spoke to me just fine, except he kept physically pulling her away and intervening each time she did.

I have to get her mail because many of her medical bills are addressed to her, with me as the payee. I carry the health insurance - my ex N has always been a useless pile of ** and has never provided insurance for any of us. If they go to his house, I will never see them and they will go to collections and ruin my credit.

Hunter's picture

If she is a minor and you are

February 4, 2012 - 7:08pm — Hunter

If she is a minor and you are handling the bills why is she involved period.,

This issue is not about the mail..

Hunter

Olivetree's picture

I know. It's never about the

February 5, 2012 - 7:54am — Olivetree

I know. It's never about the topic of discussion. It's always about control. She should not be involved with handling any bills at all - That's why the mail coming to her at my physical address needs to continue to do so. Among those mail items are brochures from colleges and other pieces I'd like to give her, but so far no luck seeing her.

The other issue is that when she moved in with her NPD dad, they opened a new checking account for her (I'd owned one for her after she got a job, but had the checks sent to his address at her request). SOMEHOW they managed to have her bank new statements sent to MY post office box. While I contacted the bank to correct this, they would not let me because I"m not on th new account. So I asked them to contact her. She did a change of address with them for our physical address (which was not the problem) but not one for the PO Box (which is the problem). Since she's not returning my calls or texts, I have no idea whether she's getting this information when I send it to her or not.

Seems to me that her dad is very threatened by her relationship with me and is doing everything in his power to prevent contact between us. Although I'm her scapegoat (better me than her little brother) - I still love her and want to see her - If only to give her her mail once a week or so.

It's truly maddening.

agnesmurphy17's picture

"Control"

February 4, 2012 - 4:14pm — agnesmurphy17

It's all about control. How dare you not do what he tells you to do!

And people think he's so great because he doesn't treat others as he treats you. Which proves he can control what he does & he knows what he does is wrong. Hang in there.

Olivetree's picture

You are SO right. He demanded

February 4, 2012 - 7:02pm — Olivetree

You are SO right. He demanded first that I drop her mail off for her at school. Which I refused to do. I want to SEE her. So I texted her to try and arrange it.

A week later he's demanding that I give him the mail to give to her, and that I reply over text and not email (so there's no record) which I also did not do.

When he can't control me he gets furious!