davskiss's story

I never thought it would happen to me.

How do I start?
I consider myself to be a bright, attractice, sensetive, intellectual, loving mother and kind fried; I never thought this would happen to me.
I met my N about 4 years ago (although it feels like ten years; that was the worst day of my life). For the last 3 years I have: been to numerous therapists, taken several anti-depression medications, taken sleeping pills, drink heavily ( normally I'm athletic and shun alcohol), and have been on a physical and mental self destructive pattern since "the devil" showed up at my door.
I met my N while he was still married with two kids. When we met, he made his ex-wife out to be the Satin's daughter. I believed everything he told me. He said they were divorced and separated, they were not. He said that he has joint custody; he hasn't seen the kids in three years. He said he pays child support; she hasn't seen a dollar for three years. He said that he was the breadwinner; he basically was/is a bum who lives off of any woman that will let him. He said he had a job, he was/is unemployed. If you have ever seen Superman, you know the term/word "Bizarro". In the Bizarro world of "Htrae" ("Earth" spelled backwards), society is ruled by the Bizarro Code which states "Us do opposite of all Earthly things! That has been my life as of late. All I can keep saying is "OMG, this is CRAZY". OMG, I'm CRAZY! OMG, he is CRAZY. It's kinda funny now that I know what is happening to me, I just never thought I was so vulnerable as to get caught in the net of such a monster!
I feel guilty and sad, we now have twins (girls) and I feel so bad that I brought them into such a mess! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't function when he is around. He is a walking, talking Chaos machine. He uses GOD and religion to make sure he tells me, no less than 30 times per day, how worthless, powerless and sinful I am. I mean it has gotten to a point where I have to have earphones handy just to tune him out! He follows me from room to room to "give me GODS WORD", and because I'm such a sinner, I need to listen and submit before GOD (him, but he uses the word GOD). He has got it bad..I have never met such a tyrant.
I feel trapped, I need to get out. But I don't know where to go?? I have two little babies and I'm not sure if I can do this solo. Everyone around me thinks I'm crazy or on drugs..lol. They know the truth because I tell them; they don't understand what I'm going through. I feel like an idiot. He is nice for one day, and them abusive (in the name of GOD) for seven.
I'm happy found you all. I don't feel so guilty about making plans to leave.