Neonlove, I totally hear what you're going thru. Ive been NC since 26 Dec (replied to what I know realize was a hoover text on xmas day). He has since only tried to contact me once & i ignored him. While I don't want to hear fr him, I do at the same time b/c I see it as he's struggling & in need of someone & I'm strong enough to not respond. But I know that's just silly & engaging w/ drama. I need to detach fully.

Maybe you're going thru a similar thing where you havent detached completely. You're doing brilliantly well for maintaining NC but there are different stages in this type of loss. It's not your typical breakup, it's so much worse. I think this sense of nostalgia is completely normal; our bodies & minds are working to sort out what happened to us; sorting through all the pain, abuse & lies.

When I have my nostalgic moments I hold them dearly b/c for me they were genuine moments of joy. I was not the one lying & manipulating. I hold them & then release them & try & get on w/ my day. That & remembered what a complete d***head he was!

Blessings! Xx

I remember no good times. I remember no good times at all because there aren't any good times with a N. Even if we think some moments were good they are surrounded by the hell of the relationship as a whole - the constant fear, walking on eggshells, the D&Ds, the infidelity, the roller coaster on/off drama, the uncertainty, the lies, manipulation, projection, gaslighting and in some cases physical abuse. With all the knowledge gained through reading N literature, reading other people's experiences, processing our own - we know Ns feel nothing, their only objective in life is to secure and manipulate supply. Ns live through others draining their energy until they are almost destroyed. When we are able to stand back and objectively view all we have been through then we know what the N is a parasite, a predator and our love dies in an instant, there is nothing left.

If survivors of N abuse/torture are feeling nostalgia it's because magical/fantasy thinking regarding the N is still occurring. Read your list again the one where you wrote down every awful thing the xN said/did to you, every abusive moment, refer to it often when thinking any part of knowing the N was positive then you will remember it was hell writ large and you were the play thing of an monster and worse still - it wasn't even personal - any female supply would have done.

"Never burn bridges" does not apply to these people!

Blow it up! and never look back. When you demolish the bridge, there is no where to go but forward.