SammyP's Story

Praying and Seeking Support

I am not sure if I am posting in the right place, but I am VERY new here. I am pretty honest with my title and hope that perhaps the healing can begin now.

I have always been a very loving, empathetic person and 2.5yrs ago, I met what I considered the man of my dreams. I KNEW he was the one the moment I met him. We had a whirlwhind romance and being that he was very wealthy, he took me to the best places, bought me everything and spoiled me. I was all in with this guy. He could look at me a certain way, write the most stunning emails, and we had the best intimacy EVER. He would always drop marriage hints and I was hooked... it was like a drug.

Now that I look back, the signs were popping up along the way and i thought maybe it was just a 'bad day' for him. I begin walking on eggshells over a year ago and it got worse. I kept excusing it thinking it was work related, or maybe money stressors, or maybe I said something wrong.

Everything I said was wrong, I started getting corrected, critiqued, my opinion was never valued, I was always spoken over...I became a YES girl. I would get called horrible names, yelled at and somewhere along the way, I found MYSELF saying I am sorry to him. It's messed up. He would be so CALLOUS to me, then apologize, then baby me, then say he would never do it again.....REPEAT that a million times.

I begin searching the internet about BiPolar, because I literally could not figure out what the heck was going on. His moods would swing SO HARD and I realized that he treated everyone 'close' to him horribly. He would use people and discard them like nothing,and move on as if they didnt exist. Hes burned so many bridges and me being the loyal girl, I just kept being his support system.

A few months back, he went nuts on me. I mean, I was face down in my bed for 2 solid days and I finally turned off my phone and computer. That drove him nuts and he chased me hard for 3 weeks. I finally caved and it was wonderful for 2 weeks and then BOOM... the horrible treatment came back again. WHY DID I KEEP FORGIVING HIM? WHY WAS I THE ONE ALWAYS APOLOGIZING?

He swore he would change if I gave him a second chance, and I have given him a billion chances. Fact is, I found out about many other woman and confronted him. He toyed with it for awhile, but finally told the truth. Oddly,he explained that when I wasnt around he was lonely....so again, almost as if he was fishing for sympathy. I am just devastated. I have not seen him in 5 weeks and I am doing my absolutely best to move on. He asked me to marry him a couple of months ago and gave me a big ring, and I loved this guy so much that if we did counseling, I thought it could work. I wanted to go back to the way it was... I asked him to schedule counseling, and of course, he lied to me about it. He never did, when he said he did and I am just so TIRED and OVER it.

We have had contact and almost just placating his ego by answering a few here and there, but I know I am doing the right thing. But, if I am to be honest, my heart and stomach is hurting right this second. I realize this man is unhealthy and I cannot be with him, but it is so dang hard, because I have been sucked in. Dating someone with NPD is like signing up for brain damage. I have some of the whackiest off the wall emails, that are manipulative, vile, etc.

I am in counseling and have been privately for 4 weeks because if he knew he would probably say that he was right about me having mental illness. Damned if I do, damned if I don't...

Fact is the only thing I am suffering from is having a mentally ill man and a crushed heart.

Anything you can say to me right now would be of so much help and I am here to say, that I am truly working hard to move forward and any tips that you can provide, I will soak up like a sponge.

Bless you for helping me and thank YOU in advance.