because a good friend actually "fixed us up" . She only knew him through business and thought he was handsome and smart. Other people around town did let me know things like "he is controlling" or, from my hairdresser when I told her that I had met such a good Christian man " OH MY GOD NO!!! I cut his ex mother-in-law's hair and he is a mean alcoholic" Yes, I continued to date him because I thought they may just be sour grapes due to the crap he was feeding me on the other end.

The opinion that sealed the end for me though: My son. Hated him. Said there was something dangerously wrong with him and he was afraid he might hurt me some day.

I have told everyone of my close friends and family members that from now on, to feel free to tell me immediately of there is anything at all weird about any man I go out with and to remind me that I told them that :)

Within the first 3 weeks of dating, he jokingly asked me if I had a background check done on him..makes you wonder huh??

Let's see, there were many different feelings I had about my friends warning me............

At first, I thought they should mind their own business. Than I thought they were jealous, than I thought the weren't being a very good friend to me and wished they minded their own business, than I thought they were right all along.

I kept the friends that understood, were compassionate, and patient with me and my healing. I dumped the ones that said " I told you so" once I admitted they were right.

My motto, friends don't let friends drive drunk nor do they ever say I told you so.

Your friends can't help but care and be concerned and they honestly don't understand what has happened to you, what has come over you. But the true friends, will patiently wait for you to get through this, and be there when you crash. The ones that want to add to your humiliation and suffering, can take a hike. I discovered they were right, and they knew that I knew. I told you so is simply rubbing salt into a wound. Ouch!

Absolutely no one warned me. He always kept up a false persona as outstanding citizen to everyone who didn't know him which was almost everyone. He also kept the relationship quiet, few people ever knew I existed (we were together 10 years). He always compartmentalized his life so no one ever met anybody else. I was paraded round initially, during the honeymoon phase, as an ego boost (I'm 20 years younger than him). The minute I had been shown off to the few people in his life, the ex wife/children/couple of male friends/couple of colleagues - that was it. I was never allowed to meet anyone again. Keeping everyone separate facilitated triangulation and deceit and it prevented OW comparing notes (I did that regardless!). I live far from relatives, and my closest friends and I was too ashamed to relate much of what was occurring, the little I did talk of wasn't truly believed anyway. Only one friend expressed concerns but I wasn't ready to listen at the time. The N refused to be involved in any of my social/family/friend occasions so he never met anyone in my life. No one ever witnessed his behaviour - we never went out with other couples/met anyone together as a couple. He kept all the N madness behind closed doors - it was a nightmare. Ns are often the masters of isolating their prey, and it also contributes to the disintegration of our perception of all and consequently our well-being.