Contact=Pain

Contact=Pain
Posted January 30, 2012 - 12:28pm
0

Even in the most benign of exchanges. Narc emailed me last week to ask if I'd turned off my phone, and then again to ask why I would block him from sending me text messages. Here were my choices:

Dont answer - pick me, pick me, I am the best choice!!

Respond with "because I never wanted to talk to you again" - I'm not the best choice, but I'm better than the one you're about to pick

Respond with "I didn't block you, just having trouble with my phone" and unblock him. - you know better, but you will choose me because you miss pretend guy that you haven't seen hide nor hair of in three months, and there's a .0000000001% chance that he's in there somewhere, and YOU are going to reach inside him and pull it out.

Yep, picked #3,

Me: What's up?
Him: Just a "hi"
Me: Sorry about that..."hi" :-) (in my head) Really? I'm sorry and a smiley face? God, I hate you.
Him: It's okay

See, benign conversation (clearly, no such thing with a narc) and I still feel like shit. He's still unblocked and I sit here waiting for another "hi" crumb.

Effff!
Lynn

‹ Did your gut instinct warn you? They want what they can't have ›
Movingforwardnow's picture

aquabella

January 30, 2012 - 10:10pm — Movingforwardnow

Pick yourself back up my friend. Lesson learned. Thanks for sharing this very hard lesson with us....now I can' t say...well I didn't know.

xoxox

Sparrow's picture

Succeeding in NC requires

January 30, 2012 - 1:26pm — Sparrow

Succeeding in NC requires discipline. You took all the steps necessary to set-up NC, but you left a window open just a little bit, just in case he reached out. And he did. If you had taken all the precautions to ensure you won't hear from him, you would have never known about his attempt. Block him from everything! You must in order to heal.

Blocking only 3/4's of the avenues that reach you, is like going out into a rain storm with an umbrella full of holes and expecting to remain dry.

He can not be helped. You can not "pull him out" - He doesn't want to be pulled out. I am sorry you are having such difficulty, you are not alone, the beginning is horrendous. Get back on your horse and try a bit harder next time.

Keep close to the forum........and remember, you are worth it, is is worthless. :)

aquabella's picture

Therein lies the rub,

January 30, 2012 - 4:12pm — aquabella

Therein lies the rub, Sparrow...I didn't expect to remain dry, nor did I want to...really....or I would have taken all necessary steps to begin with. I know this in my head, but it's that addiction...you bargain to keep the escape route open as an option when you feel overwhelmed. If I just drink beer, maybe I won't have blackouts and that will mean I'm not an alcoholic. If I only do drugs on the weekend and maintain a job and some semblance of a normal life, I'm not an addict...right? I am literally, doing everything known to woman to feel better, except the one thing I know for certain will, which is NC.

I am just furious with myself right now.

Snowflake's picture

I am with you

January 30, 2012 - 1:40pm — Snowflake

You know Lynn all about my previous attempts at NC, half attempts, still looking at his texts...but its horrible doing that to yourself..there are only a few outcomes..

1..he hasnt text, you feel worthless to him
2..he texts and is nice, you are tempted to go back (at this stage you temp forget about the horrible things as the buzz of contact takes over)
3..he has sent you something horrible..you are hurt, forced to think about defending yourself

There are prob more lol, but we all know the circle...and its so hard hon I know, I am struggling too but each time I go back it gives out a signal that its ok to treat me like that.

Remember Im the big hard girl whose N told me he slept with wifes best mate..spouted out about that was it then only a few days later started texting again. Nothing changed though he still treated me like crap, said he had lied about W best friend just to see how I would react..but really do I want someone who finds his fun hurting me?

For me its just finding the strength to snap out of it at certain times when I feel lonely down and of him x x

Snowflake's picture

Lynn

January 30, 2012 - 12:36pm — Snowflake

God you make me smile because I did the same..you have this idea of what the convo will be and its not is it, they brush you off and its so fucking madenning and upsetting..then you feel yourself go crazy waiting for the next text so you can 'regain power'.

Mine sent one letter texts and all sorts...remember they are the mental knob heads..get back on the bus honey.

Is there any way you can stop him contacting you, how did he get through if you blocked or did you ignore not block..if you can think of changing your number.

Its too tempting to read hon, been there x

aquabella's picture

I could stop him from

January 30, 2012 - 12:41pm — aquabella

I could stop him from contacting me except on my work phone...I just won't do it. I had him blocked but went into the AT&T website and unblocked him when I got his email asking why I would block him from texting.

I'm extremely frustrated with myself.

ash5233's picture

my therapist

January 30, 2012 - 5:57pm — ash5233

my therapist called me out on friday--i'm totally bargaining...i do leave that window just a liiiiitle bit open and he can always sneak in. Today is day 4 NC and I'm feeling a bit sad and romanticizing every day i spent with that jerk. I know better, my head knows the truth, so I have to tell every other part of me to shut up when i get sad that he hasn't contacted me. thinking of you ladies today!