In response to the thread about Ns and their mothers. I have removed names (apart from my own).

Below is a letter that my Ex N wrote to his mother, after we had split (not this last time but a previous ocassion when I had had enough of him). He had been drinking when he wrote it, and he forwarded it to me, saying he wanted to ask if he should send it. I didnt receive it in time, and he had already sent it, but looking back now I think it was form of hoovering...wanting to get my attention and sympathy.

Anyway, the letter speaks for itself I think and tells you what a very very messed up person he is.

Dear (his mother's first name),

The events of last Friday really upset me.

I’m very upset because I called you to tell you I had no sleep and if you could NOT find a cab I wouldn’t have let you down. I think it was simple not complicated just life that sometimes things happen and I told you immediately.

The message was clear but as usual I find you very unforgiving towards me. Even (his sister's name) used to say that and also play on it. (His aunt's name) who you say is a pain to her daughter has said that to me and has defended me. (His father's name) worshiped my sister and ultimately you did too and for a long time I have felt as second best and whatever you may say that is the way I have always felt.  I had no sleep. I went to the gym with (friend) to tire myself out because I still don’t understand why Amanda (me) has dumped me.. But you brought up my sleeping patterns that clearly you knew more than me. I am hurt by you and this attitude towards me.

Yes you do help me with the odd bill a bit like (his ex of 15 years) did, but you never ever surprise me and that is what has hurt me in all this apart from your judgemental unforgiving ways.

I live in a house that actually was given to (his sister's house) so her father could come and see her. Nobody gives me anything because even if u have helped me with the odd bills and yes a landscape shitty buisiness (Land Rover and a mower), you have never out of your own hart given to me anything.  Motorbike… I just mentioned the word and you immediately told me.. ”you  will have to buy it!”.  I told you I would like to dress sharp and all you could say was I will come with you to buy you a pair because I WOULD LIKE ONE TOO from Paul Smith’s. How much was it 12.000? “Here (his name) treat yourself to something… I was dreaming!!!” You can keep your money. I’m sick of the raw deal that I have had in life. When you got that money of insurance I really thought you would of treated me and maybe just given me something but no NO NO NO NO FUCKING FUCKING NO, the houses, the boilers and basically (his name) nothing.  I have never asked anything but you know I have had a shit deal on this planet. You like all of the family are born with a silver spoon in your mouth and when you will eventually leave this planet I will be alone without 2 countries to enjoy or a son to expect from or a brother or sister. Because yes I WILL BE ALONE, I have no choice because in reality the person now that could see how I feel is gone. So give your money to Gordon Brown or (family friends) kids because frankly I can survive without your little handouts but I most certainly will make sure I live without your pissing sentences. I opened that gate as I left your house on friday as you said loud and clear for the neighbourhood in ENGLISH…(they are bilingual) “no wonder nobody likes you…”. How dare you say that? You know nothing about my life. I have just had pneumonia and been dumped by a woman that I still love but you… you can only push the knife deeper in me so now I don’t shut up anymore for the peace of the land. You played games with comments about my temper that actually wasn’t bad… but you took advantage of the comments of my temper from Amanda’s letter that I read to you to bring it back to me.  I just left quick avoiding confrontation after your final insulting comments for telling you: I would do the lawns and help you in the house until the cab arrived (1 am). “NO I will do everything as soon as you are gone!” that was your answer i.e guilty. I am not guilty of anything. I am not taking it mum I just won’t. Most of my life I recall unhappiness apart from my obvious wrong choices that actually other people you included are responsible for.

I recall a very unhappy childhood me and (his sister's name) often  talked about it. Eri felice? You gave private lessons constantly; I remember roller-skating on the terrace and always dying for attention that just never came. We recalled tea and biscuits as our stable diet and ever since leaving the house in Palermo I have never ever dumped a biscuit in a cuppa. She told me Lindsay will be yours she loved you like nobody else just like I do and have always defended our position in a family that frankly made the best for all  3 of us to be seconds, foreign and also in a weird way a threat. I have stood up for your and said that exactly in a very famous letter to my father as you may know. I did it for me but especially for the recognition of what you did for us. You even went to his brother lately to moan about money and a car for me without even consulting me! This is the control and at 43 I don’t want it because ultimately my wages will always see me through and if a car breaks I will take a bus but I never expect  anything, I never expect anything because frankly nothing is really given out.

You have no idea and I deserve an apology. I have never said before I will take you to the airport and last minute you have had to call a taxi. That was the first time EVER. You are a LIAR.  Even your fish will tell you that. I have driven in the snow up and down those roads and always offered and loved to have offered. I did not deserve this.

So I want to make this clear to you now:

a)      I don’t want any more charity from you in any form or shape. I can manage because your pennies are for you. I don’t want anything from you. I do not want to live with you because it would not work.

b)      I want to very soon sell this house and move on. I deserve MY life just like you will enjoy your operas and have enjoyed your life. I deserve my choices in life. MY CHOICES not yours MY CHOICES. So if  I decide to move, sell, marry or whatever its my decision WILL NOT involve you.

c)      I don’t want Palermo, I don’t want the money I don’t want anything from you. You have a pension you will have a rent from Palermo and your savings. I don’t care. I have never known and I don’t want to know anything. Stack your money stack it up I don’t want it and I don’t want to know were it is.

Like it or not I had to  let you know my feelings I feel really hurt and I need some time before I can talk to you because it is not rubbish as you say in ur text message.

These are the feelings I have inside me and nothing anyway would take away the unconditional love I have for you.