Register and join our discussion in the Message Board
User login
Recent Blogs
New Topics
Who's online
There are currently 12 users and 145 guests online.
Why do they beg for forgiveness?
Maggster
Member since:
25 weeks 5 hours
25 weeks 5 hours
Last activity:
6 weeks 2 days
6 weeks 2 days
Why do they beg for forgiveness?
Posted January 27, 2012 - 12:10pm
Why is he begging me for forgiveness? Why doesn't he just go away and charm someone else? Is he intentionally torturing me?
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Forgiveness
January 28, 2012 - 3:58pm — agnesmurphy17We all make mistakes. We all have regrets. So, when they ask for 'forgiveness' we empathize with them -- we put ourselves in their position. We think of the people we have hurt & would like to have another chance to redeem ourselves.
Why do they ask for forgiveness? Because it works to worm their way back into a place to use you again & to extract. They only ask for forgiveness when they don't have an adequate source of new supply. (Remember a true N does no wrong so there is no reason to ask for forgiveness.) They ask for forgiveness because they are desperate & it's the only line that may work to get back to you.
If one forgives, & the person it up to the same nonsense again in short order, delete him. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
another trick to make you
January 28, 2012 - 4:14am — Belle de jouranother trick to make you believe that deep down he meant no harm and all was done unintentionally and unconciously. They love to pass as saints or at least as ordinary people. They're not. He said that in order for you to start doubting yourself and take him back. Mine did that until the last minute. When I spoke my mind about the kind of person I thought he was, he said that I was overreacting, bad situations occur between people and that I know he is a good person, I was just mad at the moment and couldn't accept the truth to myself (that he actually nothing is his fault but mine). When you think about his his demeaning behavior, his unloving gestures, do you honestly believe he didn't want to hurt you? I doubt it...like lots of women here say, look at his actions, not words
sorry, that went for
January 28, 2012 - 4:16am — Belle de joursorry, that went for aceonelady
Mine did...
January 27, 2012 - 11:01pm — aceoneladyAsk me to forgive him for not reacting the way i think he should after the D &D,but also said he just do not go around trying to hurt pewople,and no evil acts where intewnded towards me.What you Ladies make of it?
Maggster
January 27, 2012 - 2:52pm — HunterHi,
Did you get Lisa book.. Also.. We are offering a support group starting FEB 8th..
You are very fresh.. Understanding is key..
What tools are you using to move forward ?
Hunter
Hi Hunter- Thanks for the
January 28, 2012 - 10:36am — MaggsterHi Hunter-
Thanks for the info on the group. I have been reading endlessly for the past few weeks and am working on my diminished self esteem in therapy. I feel lucky that my therapist is well informed on NPD and I feel we have a good rapport. I am also trying to arrange my work schedule to so I can become part of the group session. I should know by the middle of next week.
Last time I tried NC I made it for 30 days and then I blew it. I have been working up to starting again and Monday is the day. He will be told not to contact me for I won't respond and my phone will be blocked. Neither of us are involved with FB so that isn't an issue.
I know he is a malignant narcissist and if they were rated on a scale from 1-10 and 10 being the worst, he is a 100! It took me almost a year to recognize this but finally have excepted this truth. I also know I am addicted to him and need to de-tox. It is so hard for me to think of my life without him but I know if I stay with him I will die.
My plan is to start NC on Monday and I will take it one day at a time. A pattern for me that I recognized in therapy is that I tend to withdraw into myself when I'm having a hard time. I think i have issues with trust which is ironic for the one i trusted for 15 years of my life wasn't who I thought he was. I do worry I will never trust anyone again but for now, i'm trying to re-gain my own trust. I have been posting and reading like crazy the past few weeks working myself back up to this.
I can do it! Thanks for reaching out!
Yes, you can do it.. I did
January 28, 2012 - 8:48pm — HunterYes, you can do it..
I did it and Im no better than you..
Why start on Monday? Is that like Im starting a diet on monday?
Right now is the best place time to start.. you have the head part right now you need to line the heart up with the head..
The group will love you to participate ..
I promise in time and with work.. you will be OK.. NC is the only rule..
Hunter
He wants to real you back in
January 27, 2012 - 2:04pm — TNR1He wants to real you back in so you will continue to give him supply. He isn't ready to let you go and he knows that women respond positively to begging. You are trying to read way too much into this man. He is all about himself..you are part of his play, he isn't ready to have you exit...but you would be going back to the exact same script you have been dealing with for the last 15 yrs! He is comfortable with having you fulfill your role, his wife fulfill her role and the OW fulfill their role. Is that even satisfactory to you anymore?
Important lesson that I have learned from this site: Pay attention to the actions of a Narc, not the words. He can say whatever it is he needs to in order to convince you to stay..but look at his actions. Do his actions match his words?
Is he intentionally torturing me?
You are torturing yourself by still allowing him to have contact with you. You are the one who has control over your email, text and phone..not him. You need to give yourself a break to clear the air...you can't do that while still in contact with him because he will continue to wrap a fog around you that you then have to come here to unravel. Please, please take a well deserved break from this man. He can be without you for a week..and if he can't....that is something you need to interpret as "he feels entitled to control me" versus "he loves me so much he can't be without me".
i am wondering the same
January 27, 2012 - 12:53pm — under his thumbi am wondering the same thing!! we were married for 10 years and the best we had was the first four months prior to engagement. and it was like a ball of yarn that continued to unravel. by the time i was ready to walk it truly felt he was testing just how much he could squeeze out of me. so i finally said i was done! and then a 180 in EVERY area of his world...changed jobs, played superdad, all cooking cleaning, my fav " the Lord showed himself" to him!!! and he begs, cry, manipulates me to give him another chance to see how much he loves me...absolutely insane!!!
Mine didn't beg at all. He
January 27, 2012 - 12:25pm — Belle de jourMine didn't beg at all. He was just lurking and hoovering until I was ready to ask him to take me back. He was sure that something like this would happen and when it didn't he became furius. Not all narcs beg...But whatever they do, yes, it has a purpose
My narc never begged for
January 27, 2012 - 12:23pm — Looking AheadMy narc never begged for forgiveness for ANYTHING. I suppose in his eyes if he did this he would be admitting he was wrong about something. And heaven knows that he was NEVER wrong about anything - lol.
I called the other woman, he
January 27, 2012 - 12:32pm — MaggsterI called the other woman, he was busted and came clean after making me feel crazy for a year. He admitted the relationship with the OW but of course said she seduced him and he lost himself for that year. He said he made the biggest mistake of his life and now he knows he loves me. Why won't he go away?
The N I was with said every
January 27, 2012 - 1:08pm — midnight7The N I was with said every woman had seduced him. Comparing notes with one OW - he'd pursued her relentlessly. He pursued me relentlessly! More lies.
I saw with my own eyes
January 27, 2012 - 11:18pm — IsisWhen I suspected there was one OW, I started to ask questions and he confessed she was one woman who was seducing him and didn't accept a "no" for an answer. He kept saying she meant nothing to him, bla, bla.
I then spent some money and I've installed something on his cell phone. Well! I went through the biggest shock of my life. I found he had 3 OWs. He was romancing them all, contradicting what he ever said.
Later, instead of confrontations (I didnt want to tell him what I did with his cell), I tried to make him open up. No way! He was insisting he was a good guy and when he was with each one of the OWs, it was all very innocent, they were just friends!! (and me with evidence).
After so many questions he started to say he didn't know what to think of me. He was very attracted to me, but I was very possessive (I've never been that in my life) and needy (something I never was). I said the best was to split. Stupid me, I should have gone NC right that moment, but still talked to him for a while. Big mistake!
I had to impose NC a while ago. It's the only way to keep the sanity.
Oh, and he just said he was "sorry" after being unmasked, otherwise he wouldn't have done so.
Hey midnight, Honesty if i
January 27, 2012 - 10:19pm — fooled no longerHey midnight, Honesty if i could count all the behaviours on this forum that every narc has. Well heres another.
Women randomly seduced him. He was just sitting there minding his own business.
And bamn up she rose.
Hells teeth these suckers are so pathetic.
Im sure they belive this crap too.
They are a waste of space.
Hi fooled no longer - love
January 28, 2012 - 6:30am — midnight7Hi fooled no longer - love your response. The 'I was seduced by them' line is priceless. So N what you're saying is even though you were with someone and you knew it was wrong - you didn't think to just say no and resist? So let's recap, she came on to you, all your clothes miraculously and accidentally fell off, all her clothes miraculously fell off, and your dick just accidentally fell in to her? Poor N, it must have been awful. They sadly believe every lie that comes out of their mouths and then they attempt to blame us for good measure too. They are a total waste of space.
That's what the N I was with
January 27, 2012 - 1:12pm — ReclaimingPowerThat's what the N I was with said too. Even went on this tirade where he said he was sick of all the women who only wanted sex from him. I remember thinking even then "there's something not right with this guy." But did I listen to my gut? Noooooooo. Ironic.
Interesting..
January 27, 2012 - 2:45pm — Run4itmine told me when we first started dating the ALL the women only wanted him for sex and that his therapist told him to wait before sex when he dated. What a psycho creep. Makes me sick just thinking about his crap. Gee, when he said one girl slashed his tires (he's 53) do you think it was a red flag????
Topic of Forgiveness
January 27, 2012 - 2:46pm — Run4itI got off topic, but, NO, mine has never once asked for any kind of forgiveness. He hasn't done anything wrong and is just a poor little mistreated man of God.